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30 days in the hole

Discussion in 'Freedom from Hell ~ Staying Clean~' started by bolt, Apr 25, 2013.

  1. bolt

    bolt Well-Known Member

    Dont mean to brag but I am on day 30 with no morphine and i took my last sub on 4/2. I am finally beginning to feel some type of normal but still not sleeping.I guess I am never gonna sleep 8 hours as I dont think my body requires it...I was sleeping 12 hours and wakeing up tired when i was using...So I missed 5 years of my life. Both of my children are now married and moved away and I dont blame them...I wanted to get away from me too ...
    The question is how am I gonna stay clean.
    First thing I want to do is change my primary care physician and when i get a new doctor I gonna tell him I am alleregic to opiates period.My quack *** doctor gettin off the gravey train I have been providing him.
    I have had booze in my house for my whole WD period and never touched it so I dont think I gonna go back to the booze.
    Last time I smoked any weed I thought the police were circeling me in a helicopter so that out lol...
    I am worried about any dental work or surgeries as that is how my trip began but luckly I in good shape rite now..I am hurting like a normal person my age is and i realize I am gonna have some pain...
    Honestly being sober is fine with me and i seem to feel better every day....The SAMe and St. Johns wort do work once you are out of the Wd symptoms...the valerian root? I dunno I try to use it as a sleep aid and it does not knock me out like a xanax lol..Believe me I am totally clean....I actually felt a cup of coffee and regretted drinking it at about 1 am.
    SO GUYS I AM LOOKING FOR SOME GOOD SUGGESTIONS..I HAVE A LOT AT STAKE HERE AND IF I RELAPSE I HAVE MUCH TOO LOOSE...thanks for reading and you people with suggestions please post them for me.tyvm.


    "and every junkie is like the setting sun" neil young
  2. awanker20

    awanker20 Member

    You have every right to brag. Right on, 30 days! My method is probably not the best for everyone, but for me it has worked. I isolate. I know isolation is not the best thing for most addicts, but for me it is for the best. I tend to be attracted to people that are in some sort of distress and have access to stuff I want to stay away from. I stay away from temptation. I read and sometimes post here and that helps too. I find pleasure in simple things, like laughing, sunny days, good dreams, and music. Finally, I am in the process of accepting that I might not be normal and perhaps that is the reason I started using in the first place. I have social anxiety, I don't sleep, and have OCD, all things that opiates helped to calm down. Most importantly, I realize that I am highly uncomfortable with emotions and emotional responses and rather than try to numb them out, I found that my sense of humor (though rather dark sometime) works just fine. Take care of your self first, accept your self for who you are now and even who you were then. You can do this!
  3. movazi

    movazi Well-Known Member

    It is an accomplishment to get off Morphine for 30 days.

    You have past the acute WD and you obviously feel better, that is good, but do not get discouraged if you soon hit some psychological and emotional issues. Those are also part of the process and in my opinion the main reason for relapse (i.e. we do not give this enough time for the brain to get back to normal) .

    Wish you the best.
  4. AumuA

    AumuA Well-Known Member

    I've got endless suggestions for you, but for starters might I suggest writing. Like a journal is a really good thing for anyone. Get those thoughts and feelings on the paper. Just the act of writing is therapeutic. Movazi touched on it, and I agree fully. The underlying issues begin to surface and we could use some help facing them. Writing's just a great tool for self reflection, and it's a big part of working steps. Which I do.

    Walking's pretty good too.
  5. bolt

    bolt Well-Known Member

    I tend to enjoy helping people, that being said my writing will be pointed in that direction. A journal of my feelings is pointless as they change daily ..and I have good days and bad and bad nights and good. I do read and play a video game ( 9 years same game Lineage2). I am staying busy and relapse is the last thing I expect to happen. I do agree with you on walking or any type of exercise definitely and if you break sweat it even better. I personally have not embraced NA or the steps and I felt cheated at the meeting to find a lot of the people were on methadone or sub and some of them were actually running the meeting...I have read and reread the steps and if I was on drugs then I will feel powerless..I am not on drugs now and I got myself off...How can that be powerless? I prayed and prayed for my WD to stop or get better and it didn't...I feel I paid the price for my addiction..wasn't cheap...As to underlying issues I am better today that I have been in years and I progressively get better and better...I begin to get my self confidence back and I will never forget this journey. to me the fear of doing this again will keep me clean I hope. At my age I don't know how many times I can do this to myself and survive.... all just IMHO...
  6. AumuA

    AumuA Well-Known Member

    Well the steps aren't for everyone, just for those who want to take them. I encourage you to find inspiration for staying clean wherever you can.
    Last edited: May 2, 2013
  7. Kaytay45

    Kaytay45 Member

    Wow Bolt! Congratulations! I am a firm believer in nutritional medicine and I did find valerian root helped me sleep at night. There is a line of supplements at Wegmans, (don't know if you are near one) and when I used them together I sleep so much better. The downside, at least for me right now, is the cost as I am looking for a job and I don't have the money for the ones that work for me. I will post what they are next time I hit the store since I can't rremember right now, lol. Tylenol p.m. has saved me and has NO addictive or controlled substances in it. I try really hard to not run to a pill to fix me but I suffer migraines and that's how I discovered the p.m medicines. Anyway, I know it's all about time and letting our bodies heal, I think it's wonderful that you've come so, so far and I can't wait until I can post that I've gone 30 days clean!! Thanks for sharing your journey, you are such an inspiration!
  8. bolt

    bolt Well-Known Member

    Ahhh Kay..you are making me blush...and thanks for the good wishes..I do intend to stay clean...I want to mention that the reason I started with this addiction ( this round) was due to surgery pain. That being said the Morphine was not working after the first 3 months but I continued to take it and did everything I was able to to get more more more. Now I find that Naproxen works just as well if not better and is the active ingredient in Aleve. Other OTC that have helped my especially in my first 2 weeks were Nyquil PM (red lable),and Mortrin with diphenhydramine which is similar to Tylenol pm but for some reason my body(liver ) prefers ibuprofen to acetaminophen (Tylenol).One thing that worked better then anything was a HOT shower and I raised the thermostat on my hot water heater and it made a huge difference. The valerian root was very inexpensive but if your not working every penny counts. I find SamE very good for moods but it is pricy and Saint johns wort is also good for mood swings during PAWS...Again nothing is as helpful to me as a hot shower. My brain is so use to sleeping in a drug induced state for so long now all of a sudden it in high gear and sleep is tough...exercise does help and I have stopped all caffeine intake. I actually dreamed about doing drugs for the first time recently..it was strange.. Sorry for rambling but posting my thoughts here is helping me remain motivated and on point. Thanks for the suggestions and keep posting..
  9. Bonita

    Bonita Well-Known Member

    Congrats on the time!!!! Huge accomplishment.
  10. bolt

    bolt Well-Known Member

    Thanks Bonita..Your interest and advise early on was a huge help especially when I had all that sub and no plan.
  11. bolt

    bolt Well-Known Member

    Is anyone in the room 60 days clean? I stand up ( slight applause) get the thing for my key chain. tyvm! So far so good. I pray every night to " lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil" amen!!!
  12. AumuA

    AumuA Well-Known Member

    Around here 60 days gets more than a slight applause. That's because 60 days is worthy. After a month passes it's real easy to find all kinds of reasons to go back. Two months is kudos.
  13. teach07

    teach07 Well-Known Member

    AumuA is so right. 60 days is amazing!!!!!! Folks who used like we did and go 60 days without using deserve a big round of applause!!!! Congrats!!!!!
  14. guinevere64

    guinevere64 Well-Known Member

    Congratulations on 60 days clean. Aumua calls it right: "worthy." much respect /G
  15. bolt

    bolt Well-Known Member

    Ahh shucks guys you making me blush! Seriously, I not having a good day and I got passed over for a position that I really needed. They must have ran my credit...It is actually there loss as in my current sober state I will be awesome at work. Depressed all the same..Thanks for making me feel better..
  16. bolt

    bolt Well-Known Member

    90 days! I passed the test of tests this past weekend. went offshore fishing with an old friend. He had a cooler full of beer and a pocket full of hydros and weed. he said listen man I know what you have been threw..you derserve a nice buzz ..out here nobody will know. The coronas were looking good but My life is going good now and "one is too many and ten thousand is not enough " was my reply . I really felt good and had a great time sober. I did not have much patience for my friends behavior. It does get better and better the longer you stay sober. The sad thing is my friend actually was disappointed and felt he was doing me a favor. I thought with friends like that who needs enemies?
  17. AumuA

    AumuA Well-Known Member

    It's good you passed that test, way to go! It's better not to put yourself in the path of such tests. I have found that I've had to clearly set boundaries with certain people. I let them know it is not cool to offer me sh*t, period. That whether or not they mean it as such, I take it as an attack. An attempt on my life, even. And truly, it is that serious.

    If you put it that way, it won't happen again. Or it's like see ya later, there's that option too. Whatever it takes. I've found that if you put staying clean first in your life, then you will naturally succeed at it. It's really self evident.
  18. Bonita

    Bonita Well-Known Member


    I was surprised how I didn't enjoy even being around someone altered any more. Did well my man. 90 days.. HUGE
  19. rugby

    rugby Well-Known Member

    Great job Bolt you are obviously serious about getting clean this time around. Keep up the good work!!!
  20. Rainier

    Rainier Well-Known Member

    Good for you, Bolt! And congrats on the 90 days!

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