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30 days in the hole

Discussion in 'Freedom from Hell ~ Staying Clean~' started by bolt, Apr 25, 2013.

  1. bolt

    bolt Well-Known Member

    Thanks to all!
     
  2. bolt

    bolt Well-Known Member

    The good people here have helped me more then they will ever know.
     
  3. bolt

    bolt Well-Known Member

    just an update..last MS was 3/23/13 last sub was 4/2/13..my life has changed and I have changed....It can be done. I do struggle and think about my addiction every day. It is not a cakewalk but at the same time my confidence has grown. I have continued to stop at this forum and it gives me a positive feeling and helps me to continue my journey. At this point I just hope that people who need to address there addiction don't wait until life has passed them by to do it. Life is so precious...How I wasted so much of it stoned and unfeeling? I cannot undo that. I can make the best of the time I have left .
     
  4. Parachute

    Parachute Well-Known Member

    "I cannot undo that. I can make the best of the time I have left . "

    That is the absolute truth. The windshield is much bigger than the rearview mirror for a reason. Early on I used to think, " I dont' have time to battle for being clean." I am too old, too busy, too important, too...something" WIth that line of thinking I relapsed many times over the first few years. Ultimately, and as trite as this sounds, I realized that time will go by no matter what! When you are 38, YOU WILL Be 40 in two years. Where you will be at forty has much to do with taking care of addiction today. When I was a bigtime druggie I used to somehow think tomorrow would never come. Not using drugs, I now understnad that tomorrow will always come. I learned I can only take care of today, and lotsa times what I do today impacts my opportunities, experiences and fortunes of tomorrow. This stuff is what helps me understand that we live in today, a day at a time. That is how life is served up anyway. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow ain't guaranteed to anyone...Today is the gift, " The present" So many days in recovery, or trying to be in recovery I was just stuck in my head, in my house, uselss, anxious, neurotic even...Today, if I stay clean its a good day, everything else is gravy and I am going in the right direction no matter what situation presents. I am real grateful that I both understand and believe this today.
     
  5. Bonita

    Bonita Well-Known Member

    I'm here, proof it is NEVER too late for recovery. I began using at a very early age. Had little clean time here/there. I am now climbing on 5 yrs clean. I say that with relief that I passed the 4 yr marker. I will admit I did have some fear around the 4 yr mark since I've made nearly 4yrs in the past. For that time clean I literally sat in the middle of ocean on a small sail boat. I thought then I had it beat but w/in 6 mo back in the States I was back to same behavior. That was proof for me it took more then just abstinence for true recovery. Very easy to stay clean when my life was going from one little island to the next. Life was exciting, chaos at times. Not the normal lifestyle for too many for extended times. Once back to a daily routine, going to work, paying bills etc all it took was a minor surgery and taking a percoset to put me right back to that actively addicted soul again.

    Bolt...your still young and have 50 or more good yrs ahead of you. Parachute is so right in living in today. It's all we have. I learn to let my past go, not worry about my future. Ive got 20 or more yrs on you. My last dope use was July 2009. Last sub was oct 08. I have abused my body, ignored my health for many yrs. Today....I work, I travel, pay bills as they arrive, out of the debt I made for myself using/feeding my
    habit completely. I even own my home now. No more house payments. Most of all and I never thought would happen is I am truely content with life. I'm downright happy. Who would of thought after wasting so many yrs feeding the lie I couldn't exsist w/o opiates I would be content today. I even had a few Mds tell me I could not live a functional life without opiates. If not for this board I may have fallen for that lie.

    Bolt...you've come so far. I promise you as time passes you will no longer worry about those lost years. It does take practice staying in today. I still flounder here and there. I still don't get the saying "I'm a greatful addict" but I'm very greatful for every day I receive. I surely don't deserve what my life is today. I've taken way more then I can ever give back. Yet here I am packing my bags to fly to Costa Rica in the morning. I'm blessed with the ability to help the next addict seeking help. I'm very lucky to be able to do what I do...keeps it very vivid where I don't ever want to be again. I think working with addicts plays a role in my ability to not wavier, never fall for the lies dope tries to imprint on our brains.

    You keep doing what your doing. Keep passing what you've learned onto the next active addict as you do here and you will be blessed. That's a gurantee. I'm greatful for you and your willingness to reach out to the next in need.

    With much respect
     
  6. bolt

    bolt Well-Known Member

    bonita, you make me blush! As I approach my 7 month of clean time I remember my doctor giving me my first dose of sub. I was so sick and it made me fell so much better. I also remember posting how good the sub was...a old time member here saw the road I was heading down and cut me off...She said " bolt that chit is poison be careful and don't take it longer then you absolutely need..I listened and only took 2 days to get threw and flushed the rest...The rest is history...You know that person was you! If I never mention it let me now say thanks bonita... It is me that owes you not the other way around! You were helping people long before I ever stopped. You continue your great work and keep telling it like it is girl....Ps I am thrilled you think I am a young man...I was buying 2 dollar bags in harlem in 1967 and seling them for 5 dollars out in queens..How old do you thing that makes me? lmao. ( not important ).
     
  7. peacenik

    peacenik Administrator

    Makes it so I no longer think I'm the oldest guy in the room :)
    We're probably real close actually.... Congratulations on the seven months
    Dave
     

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