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40 days clean hope for others...

Discussion in 'Spirituality' started by Brian3383, Apr 10, 2010.

  1. Brian3383

    Brian3383 Well-Known Member

    yeah i end all my stuff with an elypsis because with my piscean brain(we are dreamers) the thought is never finished...anyways i was on five hundred sometimes more milligrams oxy per day over a month ago used a quick sub wean and kept my nose to the grindstone and stayed the course...i am at a point now where i sleep four hours a night if im lucky and i still have raccoon eyes but life is better, i am back to work(muscles aching bad i am a landscaper with too high an iq to be one but being an ex con it works for me and summer work college in the winter i save every penny)..anyways i am at a point now where i am trying to find god/the source of all our energy being physics states energy cannot be created nor destroyed(proof enough for you)... anyways i have been researching everything and taking what i want from it all...buddhism,the torah,sanskrit,quran,etc.. anyways i dont know about other pisces but i feel i have a strong connection between my subconscious mind and conscious mind..when i was a kid i could fall asleep totally in class wake up know the question and answer it correctly...now that im newly clean i remember EVERY dream vividly...i've had over a hundred deja vu's in my lifetime one of which saved me from being shanked in prison... i know i seem crazy but i altered that reality from a liver stabbing into an arm gash with forty stitches...enough about that the only memory i like to retain from that aspect of my life is the positivity i used my iq for...i taught a ged class and due to my piscean roots(we can be whoever we want) i taught those people in their own language(ebonics)..i had the highest success rate ever recorded in new jersey...anyways onward right? if you dont believe any of this that's fine also but if you dont here's my sbi number 592165c you can look me up on New Jersey Department of Corrections' Home Page i believe...onward again...i dont believe in any coincidences in this universe and i thank god daily that i found this forum a few years back...anyways i want a new thread here because on my old thread people keep mentioning the words shoot up and stuff like that..totally not the mindset i want/need right now...anyways i started meditating a month ago and it's not an easy thing to do but im baby stepping it...i have been reading much about the chakras and energy centers of the body...i believe evolution slash not being reincarnated has to do with this strongly...humans can manifest emotional energy slash qi which is pretty cool but im more interested in the third eye slash crown chakra opening...could this be a step away from god..i firmly believe god doesnt make mistakes so why would we have a pineal gland slash innate junk dna...i firmly believe all this modern technology has brought us backwards in terms of bringing about self will and also lowers our preceding generations iq's this is sad...they say there still are aboriginal tribes who have 42 and 2 chromosomes said to be a harmonic state where they feel everything is connected and they have a better sense of well being...today we have 44 and 2 and a crazy man/genius whom i read but dont take everything he says as truth states that this is a disharmonic state of being...a duality consciousness created as a stepping stone to the next step in evolution...our perception of good,bad,right,wrong, is merely a tool to challenge us and see which souls really are worthy of ascension...in no way am i jamming this belief down anyones throat because im unsure if i myself believe it but it is fascinating...more about that later...right now i just got back to work and my muscles are killing me yet i dont pick up besides muscle relaxers and a hot tub(i have spinal injuries)...im not the biggest meeting maker due to the fact i dont have a car and i havent hit that first meeting even tho i said i did...i just wanted to be accepted and i feel many here are book thumpers and it's a one way type thought process...which isnt bad because if something is proven to work why argue with statistics...i believe it doesnt work because you go there and talk about the drugs rather it's the combination slash presence of people and their ability to uplift you slash helping another always boosts the soul...for this reason i finally worked past my self centered fear and ego and i feel im ready to return...i want that spiritual awakening...anyways im going to try to keep a journal here for hope for others mostly and so i can look at this years from now and laugh at it because if you lost your sense of humor you live in the wrong universe..my universe consists of poe like recurring irony and if you cant laugh at it then you might as well give up...anyways that's all for now im kind've tired and i have a lot of work to do tomorrow...peace love unity respect to all and from now on im just gonna use the acronym plur...brian.

    ps.. are muscle relaxers habit forming?
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2010
  2. Sluggo

    Sluggo Well-Known Member

    Brian -
    just be honest...don't say what isn't true to appease us or anyone else...speak your truth....only way you're gonna get well.

    Your assumptions about meetings are incorrect. The meetings I attend we do not sit around and talk about drugs/alcohol. We don't live in the problem, we discuss the solution. In Jersey, NA does tend to live in the problem, which is why I've gravitated to AA...and found the solution there.

    AA gave me the impetus to pursue all kinds of spiritual recovery. You mention meditation...fantastic. Perhaps there's a zendo or something else near you where you can sit with other like-minded folks. just google 'zendo' and your zip....see what pops.

    and yes....muscle relaxers are habit forming.

  3. Parachute

    Parachute Well-Known Member

    Glad you are doing well Brian....awesome. I kicked a similar habit with huge OXy numbers...I had quite a few other daily drugs in the mix as well...A total mess of a man I was.
    I want to echo what Janice said. If you have not been to and thru many meetings you definitley do not know what it is all about. I can't remember the last meeting where drugs were brought up. I go to AA, plenty of drug addicts in AA. I am in NJ and again to agree with Janice..the AA recovery is MUCH STRONGER. The entire purpose of the AA program and steps is to " have a psychic change" that comes thru a " Spiritual awakening" that agenda sounds like someting that would interest you based on your post. Try not to judge, or forecast what you think its all about. So many people don't EVER try the program cuz of pre conceived notions. Man, AA, willingness to participate is one of the greatest things that ever occurred in my life..It wasn't GREAT right away..took a while for me to sober up and have ANY patience at all..Now that I am her,e, love those meetings man. I help others, I get helped..I make friends, there is an awesome community there of people from every walk of life......I am socially enriched by going to the meetings...and...I am sober!! HA!!!
    Not using drugs is in fact clean..However, true addicts will be mentally and spiritually sick without even using at all. Definitley was the case for me. I was restless, irritable and discontent with or without drugs. AA has set me free. I don't thump the book cuz I don't have to. I am living proof that it works, makes my quality of life immeasurably better!!!
  4. SleeperAwake

    SleeperAwake Well-Known Member

    Hi brian. How goes it?

    Just on that point of chromosome numbers... All homo-sapiens have 23 chromosomes, no matter the race or lineage.

    When it comes to evolution, it's best to think about it in terms of "most fitted to the environment", as opposed to a notion of "higher and higher states of evolutionary perfection". To do so is to miss the point of evolution.

    Take the humble cockroach, for example. It's lifespan is a fraction of ours. It breeds at a prodigious rate, with hundreds of generations for our one. And it's been around for longer than us. Essentially, that makes it a "more highly evolved creature than humans".

    We are in constant flux, as is our environment. There is no evolutionary omega point. There is however, a beautiful evolutionary dance. An ancient, powerful, and eternal struggle between life and death. Between a life form and it's environment. Adaptation. You can see it everywhere you look.

    For me, technology will always be a double edged sword. I think you're right in that reliance on tech to "do our thinking for us" can dull our collective minds. But things like communications tech can also bring us together with shades of the metaphysical. Tech is in itself, an adaptation. It's part of the balance, part of the dance. It comes from our dreams, and it comes from the earth too. It's made of the same stuff, it represents our struggle. Some even say it's a part of us - a defining part.

    Anyway, that's my 2c. Take it or leave it. :)

  5. befree

    befree Well-Known Member

    As for the Aboriginal thing, even though the Aboriginals are the traditional land owners of Australia, the true Aboriginal see 's himself as the spiritual custodian owner of the land !

    They have a spiritual harmonic relationship with their land and environment, that gives them that sense of well being, in tune with their harmonic state, if you like !

    Thats why a lot of indigenous Australians, have huge issues when they have to deal with life in the Big smoke, there is just not that serenity in city's

  6. fred589

    fred589 Member

    -one more time-

    again here i lay,

    waisting and watching the day fade away.

    Realy the only ambition,

    is to open the drawer they are hid in.

    I swear just one more time,

    then it will be a quiting mind.

    Although i know im doing bad,

    it seems that theese pills are just all i have.

    Never ment to get addicted "im so mad,

    but the first time in life were feelings i have never had.

    So here i am now, loosing everything grand,

    except for theese pills in my shakeing hands.

    After takeing this time to start making different plans ...

    ***good luck to everyone and myself trying to say bye bye to theese evil pills !!!

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