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a lifelong process -- just for today

Discussion in 'Freedom from Hell ~ Staying Clean~' started by BackInAction, Oct 17, 2011.

  1. BackInAction

    BackInAction Active Member

    OK. The disease is strong in me, that's for sure. But recovery and my Higher Power are, I believe, even stronger. After hitting a few meetings, talking to some other recovering addicts, and doing step work my perspective has changed. And that's how it works for me.

    It all goes back to the first step and not just admitting but accepting that I have a problem and that without daily maintenance I will become (very quickly) unmanageable. The unmanageability comes from the fact that I become self-obsessed and self-centered so damn fast. My perspective shifts to that of a victim and there's no way out. Without talking, praying, and working I cannot see the truth. The truth is that every day I am clean is a gift from my Higher Power, and this life I am living is truly blessed.

    Also, when I live in that self-obsessed victim scenario, I am completely unable to change things and get better. I lose the ability to grow, to act, and to achieve the things I really want to achieve.

    By accepting my disease and my addiction, and taking responsibility for my recovery, I am able to take action, to see things with a healthy perspective, and be restored to sanity. And the saga continues.
     
  2. BackInAction

    BackInAction Active Member

    one year today!
     
  3. AumuA

    AumuA Well-Known Member

    fantastic brudduh, you are a living testament that it works.
     
  4. Skrambled

    Skrambled Member

    Way to go man, just got to posting on this forum but wanted to say congrats on a year man that's huge.. Don't beat yourself up about living with folks and the things you can and will change in your life.. If you can stay clean a year from whatever your DOC was then you can do anything, I know it sounds cheesy as can be, but us recovering addicts are very well prepared for the BS of the big, bad, world.. Peace B.I.A. keep it up!!!
     
  5. OnMyWay

    OnMyWay Well-Known Member

    RIP. How are you doing these days?
     
  6. BackInAction

    BackInAction Active Member

    I'm doing OK. Still clean; approaching 18 months of continuous abstinence. I'm in the middle of step five, which feels like what I would imagine purgatory feels like. I understand myself just enough to know that I don't understand much of anything about myself. I'm getting to the point where, sometimes, I can see that my defects of character are actually something I choose to participate in, and that I'm not a victim of them.

    I am not where I want to be as far as 'real' life goes. I'm still in school, working full-time, and living with my parents. But that is OK because lately I've been focusing more on the things I do have and not making excuses why I can't be happy now.


    "How are you doing these days?" doesn't always have to be a complex question. :)
     
  7. OnMyWay

    OnMyWay Well-Known Member

    Fantastic. That is all great. Good for you.

    "I can see that my defects of character are actually something I choose to participate in, and that I'm not a victim of them."

    Wowsers. That's a big one there. Thanks for giving me something to reflect on.
     

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