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almost done!

Discussion in 'Detoxing from Methadone' started by light at the end, Nov 5, 2015.

  1. Hi everyone! And congratulations to you all on your road to recovery. Its been so bloody hard. I was at 160ml of methadone for 3 years. Desperately addicted to opiates. Anything that would make me feel like someone else. I've had a lot of trama in my life. More so this past year then ever before. I've lost both my parents this year. It's a pain and emptiness that won't go away. Every part of my body wants to use. Something ....anything...to help with this ache.

    I am currently at 3ml of methadone as of today. It's been a long struggle. I feel like I'm losing my sanity. I've been clean now for almost 2 years.
    Other then benzo for my anxiety issues that seem to get worse off the lower I go. I guess I'm just looking for someone to say....keep going. Don't give up. I'm so close to being done with these liquid handcuffs and the thought of being free from them scares the shit out of me. Anyone else feel this way?

    I will get off this shit. I will make a better life for myself. It's the sleeping thafs the hardest. Leg and arm twitches. ( twitches isn't even the right word for it) feels like I want to rip my arms and legs off and throw them at a wall.

    I know most of you know exactly what I am talking about. I've never made a post before. But I do believe with your help....I'll be ok. God bless you all in your daily struggles. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Somewhere.
     
  2. leafy blue

    leafy blue Well-Known Member

    Light -

    Hello and welcome! Let me be the first one to say - keep going! You have made it this far for a reason, and there is no way out of this but forward.

    I wish I had more time to write, but I was just heading out for the evening. I know this board can be quiet, but just stick around and you will get replies. I will check back in tomorrow, in the mean time - can you update us on your progress?

    - leafy
     
    light at the end likes this.
  3. Good evening.
    I am still on 3ml and it is getting easier. Once I am past the feeling of the lowered dose it gets easier. Feels like I am living in my bath tub as that's the only relief I get. Sucks. Thank you for your encouragement. I will make it out of this. Just wish there was a time frame that would allow me to know how bad it's going to be at the end and how long it will last for. I'm dreading it. You all have been wonderful. I was advised to join a group like this. With everyone With like minds. And I am so grateful that I did. I love reading some posts on here. Its the simple things in life that I find I am taking more pleasure in. Every day is a battle .just waking up some mornings sends me into fights of agony and rage. My whole body hurts. My eyes keep watering and my stomach is so upset. That...like I've said before I can deal with. Its the skin crawling I can't. And the high anxiety attacks I keep having. Even sitting at home watching tv sends me into an attack. Im sure most of you can relate. If all goes to plan. And I don't have any horrible problems in the next 2 weeks. ( touch wood) I will FINALLY be done with methadone. Its been a long process. But the real battle begins once I take my last dose. Thank you for replying. It is very much appreciated. I've never joined a group like this....me being on methadone is something I've kept very quiet and the only two ppl that knew about it were my mum and dad...and they both recently passed away. Im trying so hard to not relapse as i don't want to go thru this again. Ever. My addictions even comes to me in my dreams. Making me wake up with a fever and chills. One day at a time. This too shall pass. Im very pleased I took the step to join. And I thank you all. For reading....and more so for posting. Thank you. I wish you all the best in your recovery. I am here for you as well. Anyway that I can. Take care. Xx
     
  4. peacenik

    peacenik Administrator

    Hi light, nice to meet you here though sorry you're having a rough time. In hopes of making you feel a bit better, Ill tell you that I went through methadone withdrawal and felt like you do now. I got through it. The bad news is it took some time but I suspect you'll have it easier than I did. I kicked it in a hospital, but didn't detox really, I went from around 70 mgs one day to zero the next.

    But the good news is that this journey, tough as it is, can in the end be a huge benefit to you and the way you look at life. The traits you need to survive this will enhance yor life as you go forward, and you know what? I hear some of those traits already in you - in what you've written. Keep going, keep that positive attitude. Look for the lesson that is always there. You can do this. I kicked methadone and all drugs over 28 years ago and life has just gotten better ever since.

    I hope you'll keep sharing with us. Best of luck,
    Dave
     
  5. Hi Dave.
    Thanks for your post. I had a bad night last night. Maybe got 2 hrs sleep in total. About 3 baths and a shower. But...I'm here today. Trying to stay positive and keep myself going. All I really wanna do is curl up in bed and sleep till I am better. But...sleep doesn't come easy. I appreciate your support and encouragement. Means a lot. Its people like you all that help people like me. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Im sorry to hear about how fast you dropped to zero. I can't imagine. Your a strong man that's for sure.
     
  6. peacenik

    peacenik Administrator

    At that time Clonidine had recently been found to help with withdrawals. My Dr. felt that an inpatient detox with clonidine alone would be very managable and I was pretty desperate for help.

    After a few days I got real sick and wanted to leave but my Dr talked my parents out of picking me up. After that I was really too sick to leave even if I had a way. I wrote a story about my experience but it got accidentally lost in a recent forum upgrade :) I'll see if I can repost it

    Dave
     
  7. Hi Dave.
    I can't take clonidine. It lowers my blood pressure way too much. I already have low BP. I've heard wonderful things about that drug...and wish I was able to use it as it sounds like it would help a lot with my pains. I have actually withdrawaled off of opiates about 3 years ago. Just woke up and didn't want it anymore. Was sick of chasing something I would never catch. It was a nightmare. But I did get thru it. But....stupid me....decided to " treat myself " one night. Well.....that led to right back to where I was before. So I went on methadone. With out doing the homework first. And now I am right back to where I was 3 years ago. Altho...the 3ml does give me some relief. It just doesn't last all day. And nights are terrible. I have panic attacks thinking about going to bed. But...it's another day down. :)
     
  8. Having a bad night yet again. Its 1:14 and I've already had 2 long baths in the hottest water my body can stand. I find relief for about 20 mins once I am out and then the annoying arm and leg spasms start again. My brain is so sleepy...doing normal daily activities are becoming harder and harder. I have no interest in much. My attention span is almost completely gone. In the last week I have maybe gotten 12 hrs sleep in total. And Thursday I drop another 1ml. Which sounds like nothing. My Dr told me just to jump off...as 3ml really isn't doing much and I shouldn't be feeling any withdrawal. He is so very wrong. Feeling a lot like death warmed up right now. Literally. The sweats and chills are extreme. For some reason I do find my own little bit of peace writting on here. Just to get it out of my head. If that makes sense. ?. I mean im not even off this shit yet and I feel like this. Ahhh!. I know I have come along way. Its just these last few mls that really have a hold on me. I'm so scared of the day when I am done...Altho that's been my goal for 8 months now when I decided to taper. I didn't feel the taper until I got to 5mls. One day at a time tho. I'm trying to stay positive and keep my body hydrated as eating is a thing of the past for me. Even the thought of food turns my stomach. I wanted to ask if anyone here while lowering there dose experienced any sever heartburn.? My Dr says it's not related. But I strongly think it is. Once again...thank you To you all For helping me thru this . I look forward to the day when I can start a new thread saying i am officially done. !!!. As much as that frightens me. Why I fear it so much I don't know. I guess it's become part of my daily life for 3 years. Luckily enough I've always have my week take homes. But my day still revolves around drinking my drink. Like I've said before...I've been very private about this....and just losing my parents there have been people over at my house all the time to check up on me. Its not as easy as one would think to casually walk off to where no one can see you and take my medicine. But I've survived this far. And I truly believe that With the love and support of all you wonderful brave strong men and women....I can do this..with your help. So thank you. For making me go one more day with out using any other drugs. Bless you all.
    Light. Xx
     
  9. Not sure if I'm getting to flu or having bad withdrawals. Ugh. Can't sleep and cant keep my mind on one thing at a time. I had a job interview today that went Great.but now I'm stuck wondering how I am going to be able to work while feeling like this....??. Perhaps it Will help....somehow I doubt that. My anxiety is getting worse. I just wish this was a over with like NOW!. one day I hope to look back on these posts and see that it was worth the fight. That I made it. ...dont want to wish my life away...but could really use a fast forward button right about now.....
     
  10. leafy blue

    leafy blue Well-Known Member

    Light -

    I know how you feel, and if you find a fast forward button, please share your secret with us. But until then, I will assure you that it WILL get better. It will be worth the fight. In fact, I could argue that the fight is the only way to make anything in you life "worth it" or "better."

    You are moving in the right direction and doing wonderfully! Please keep it up. Even if you don't feel like it will be worth it in the end, just rely on what everyone else in the same position as you have said - it gets better, it is worth it!

    What helps me a bit is knowing that the wds are inevitable, I'm going to go through it one way or the other - the question is only when and how soon I can get back to my life, certainly not if! So, I know that there is only one way out of this and it's going to suck something fierce, but it's the only option.

    - leafy
     
  11. Hey leafy.
    It's just been one of those down days. Tuesday's are usually my bad days as my dose powers every Thursday I feel the effects big time on Monday nighgz and Tuesday's. Tomorrow is a new day. With its own set of drama and agnony. But as each day passes i am one day closer to being done . and you are so true my friend..
    .anything worth anything is worth fighting for. Thank you. Your messages are much appreciated. I truly look forward to reading each and everyone of your replies. It gives me hope.makes me power thru another day. Thank you.
    Light.
     
  12. Suppose to say lowers every Thursday. Stupid auto correct!
     
  13. peacenik

    peacenik Administrator

    there will come a day when you reach that light at the end, and you won't need to worry at all about your dose and how it's working :) You're almost there
    Dave
     
    Fox face likes this.
  14. Well. I managed to get 5 hrs of sleep last night. Whoop whoop. Feeling some what refreshed. I can make it thru the days sometimes...it's night time That's the worse. As soon as it gets dark out...I panic about not being able to sleep and think about laying awake hrs on hrs in agony. I have recently been diagnosted with PTST so...add that to my other battles and you can guess most of the time I am a mess. One minute laughing...the next crying over the same thing that just made me laugh. I feel like a crazy person some days. Thanks for your positive vibes. They help more then you could imagine. How are you doing Dave? Thanks for thinking of me. :)
    Light.
     
  15. peacenik

    peacenik Administrator

    Well I'm doing well, light. You know it's been many years but I'll never forget those nights when I couldn't sleep, when I had to kick my legs trying to get comfortable. You said "I can make it thru the days sometimes...it's night time That's the worse. As soon as it gets dark out...I panic about not being able to sleep" And you know you just reminded me of maybe my favorite Ray Charles song. He's a guy who kicked a heroin addiction and I've often wondered if that inspired this.
    But yeah that's what I would do, I'd put on music like this or try to read something.

    As tough as the withdrawals are, with it comes that thing you experienced about laughing and crying. I like to call it the time of heightened awareness. And I always suggest you use this phenomenon to your benefit. As I said listen to music, watch an uplifting movie. Keep a journal. The things you experience at this time will stay with you forever - learn all you can!

    well, here's Ray with "My First Night Alone Without You", and "I can Make it Through the Days (But oh, Those Lonely Nights)"


     
  16. I Absolutely adore Ray Charles. Thank you for sending me that. Made me smile. Haven't heard one of his songs in awhile. Thank you.
     
  17. Hi all.
    I just got back from the drs and have been lowered to 2mls. Getting close to my final dose. In excited but so bloody terrified for the real wothdrawlas to kick in. One day at a time. I just have to get thru today. Tomorrow is a new day With new possiblities. Thank you all for your strength. X
     
  18. Fox face

    Fox face Moderator

    Hi Light, your positive attitude will take you far! Keep moving, one foot in front of the other, your getting there.
     
  19. Thank you dear! Trying to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
    Light.x
     
  20. Fox face

    Fox face Moderator

    How are you holding up light?
     

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