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Boyfriend detoxing off methadone - long road - scared

Discussion in 'Family and Friends' started by gfriend, Dec 8, 2015.

  1. gfriend

    gfriend New Member


    It seems a little quiet in here, but I'm hoping I can get a little support. If not, just typing this will be helpful.

    My bf has been on methadone maintenance for the past two years after a long history of heroin addiction, with some periods, (up to 3 year) periods of abstainance. We've been together for about a year and a half. We have a really wonderful relationship and have been talking about marriage, kids... But the methadone.

    It didn't bother me as much as it should have - he seemed really stable and it didn't interfere much. Sure the hassle every time we left town sucked, and the nodding off was annoying, but we were happy together. I'm just now, as he is detoxing cold turkey (11 days in) what hell this actually has been for him, and that he won't be whole until he is clean.

    I'm also beginning to realize what a long road this is. Even just the withdrawal itself can take months, and then after, once he's feeling good again, the increased risk of relapse and overdose. I'm terrified. I'm so proud of him and want to be supportive, and help envision and realize our beautiful future together, but I've also been very naive about how devastatingly serious this is, how real and dangerous the risks are, and how hard it's going to be for him. And also for me.

    I know better than to obsess - this is HIS process. But I'm having a hard time focusing on work, and not reading obsessively reading all the posts on the methadone forum here, and worrying my heart out.

    He has a lot of support now - at home with his parents caring for him and no car keys and no money, and me visiting when he's up for it. He's so, so sick and miserable, it's hard for him to want me to see him like that and it's hard for me too. I miss him terribly, and I am fearful of the future. I do believe he can do it, but of course he is stubborn. He says he wants to get additional support - NA and a sponsor, and I do pray that that's true.

    I know if I focus on his recovery too much it will consume me, and that it won't help him. And yes, I know I should go to Al Anon or something.....

    Can anyone share how they stop from obsessing? And what's the best way to be helpful?
  2. spring

    spring Administrator

    Hi and welcome to ODR.. Yes it has been quiet around here, I'm sorry nobody replied sooner.

    First question...Why on earth is he detoxing cold turkey from methadone if you dont mind me asking? Especially after 2 years on maintenance! He's got to be in hell right now.

    Just guessing but it sounds like he is doing it because for one reason or another he's being forced to do it, is that right? Unfortunately there's nothing you can do to help him besides letting him know you are there for him.
    Whether he is really wanting this or detoxing because he has to...either way...it's all on him to take the steps towards a successful recovery. I dont know any of his history such as past rehabs, support groups, counseling, etc so I dont know how much he knows about HOW to stay clean after the physical stuff is over with, but since you said that he has had periods of abstinence then it sounds like he may have had some experience with some sort of support group(s).
    It's going to be very important for him to have the support and hopefully a sponsor to help him learn to create a new life without the drugs in it. Learning how to live clean can be more difficult than the physical detox but it SO can be done!

    As for yourself, you're right about Alanon. It might be helpful for you to learn more about what he's going thru now and what you can do for both your sanity and his.
  3. krish

    krish Well-Known Member

    Welcome to ODR.. sorry , I haven't been around for a long time.. so many of us have moved on I guess. I don't know anything about methadone .. but I agree with what Spring said.. He needs a plan..

    Relapse is part of it.. I learned the hard way on that.. and I learned it's what happens after.. do they admit it, do they take the right steps to get back on track.. or do they go back to their old habits for another period of time.

    I was worried and obsessive too.. it consumed me.. please don't let it do that to you.. worrying does nothing for the outcome nor does obsessing.. I know, easier said than done. But you can think of what your boundaries are, you can decide if you want to walk this road with him. You can read here and educate yourself... and take of yourself, so when he is feeling better, you will be fully present.

    Keep posting and asking your questions.. it really does help!
  4. PrincessMa

    PrincessMa Well-Known Member

    When you are feeling obsessive. Go on here and vent. Read. Post. Repeat. It does help maintain sanity.

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