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Day 5 of CT detoxing and depressed as hell!

Discussion in 'Narcotics Anonymous' started by venuti2t, Nov 20, 2010.

  1. venuti2t

    venuti2t Member

    Hi everyone, I am really glad to have found a place like this online. I have gone CT with a bit of OTC PMs and a few xanex for 5 full days now, and am still feeling like crap!. Its getting better physically, but mentally, I am a mess. I have started going back to NA meetings on the 3rd day in..and im not very fond of them... But I have nothing else to do. Im finding myself feeling soo sad that I cant use anymore, and feel like I don't want to be around people cause i feel socially inadequate somehow. (always have) unless im drugged up...But I also feel lonely as hell. And I have no idea what to do with my time..nothing sounds interesting or fun. I was up to between 10 on a good $ day, to 2 (30mg) Roxys on a poor one. Maybe someone can give me some words of wisdom that has been there. I also want to say that I went to 2 meetings yesterday, and havent missed a day since I started.
  2. Joplinfrk

    Joplinfrk Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the family! Best advice I can give: keep it in the day, keep hitting the meetings and do the work. It gets better and better. Believe me.
  3. charles

    charles Well-Known Member

    like jop said, keep it in the day. when you wake up make a list of things to do that day, don't put too much on it though

    get out to a community pool/gym. saunas and jacuzzis are a godsend detoxing. sweat it out.
  4. shar586

    shar586 Well-Known Member

    Hi venuti2t, congrats on your ct from med hell. The only advice I have is basically the same as above. At nights when it seems to be at its worst, take a nice hot bath. Keep yourself occupied, cos in my case my worst days were when I was at home with my symptoms. I dont know whether its been a problem for you, seeing as you have some xanax, but for me bedtime was just not copeable for me, as I needed my sleep. Regarding your lack of interest in things, this is because your brain needs time to heal, so it can produce its own natural endorphines (the stuff that makes you happy), so in time you'll start to feel better. If you wanted to speed up the production of endorphines, and at the same time make your ct a little less painful, why not try some physical workouts, or light swimming to start? I wish you all the best, and hope you continue to share your recovery here.

    Shar ;)
  5. venuti2t

    venuti2t Member

    Thank you all so much for your advise. I just got home from 2 back to back Na meetings. If only because I couldn't bear the thought of coming right back home.
    One of the meetings was pretty close to one of the places I used to cop from, so I made sure not to have any cash on me.
    That brought me into the the early evening getting home. I took a hot bath and finally had the strength to wash my hair tonight. I forced myself to put new sheets on my bed and here I am in bed at the end of Day 5. I'm in a better mood now than I have been since I started this thing. Thank you for your replies..It sure does help me feel less alone. Ima try to watch a movie on hulu hitchhiking off my neighbors sketchy internet since mines been off. I didn't pay the bill of course
  6. shar586

    shar586 Well-Known Member

    You seem to have it covered, just keep it up. Nothing nicer than crisp, fresh bed sheets after a long hot bath (especially if you have a electric blanket trust me) just done the same myself, off to bed once I post on my thread) All the best. ;)
  7. venuti2t

    venuti2t Member

    Ok, today is Day 11 for me, and I'm feeling much better. Physically, I feel normal. Mentally is a different story. I had been out of town for the holiday for almost 3 days. This, possibly did me some good. Im looking forward to going to an NA meeting tonight after dinner.

    I still feel somewhat indifferent to just about everything. It feels like an impending doom feeling. Ive been taking my antidepressants that were prescribed pre roxy dependency issue. During the past several months I had only been taking them sporadically. I have quite a history of mild to heavy depression since i was a kid.

    Does anyone here have any insight.. or suggestions?
  8. shar586

    shar586 Well-Known Member

    Hi, I cant help you with your question, although would like to take this opportunity to congratulate you on day 11, that's great :D
  9. venuti2t

    venuti2t Member

    Hi there,
    Whoever is out there in cyberland. Today is the start of day 13 for me. I made the mistake of laying in bed all day. I was depressed and felt like whats the point. Today I got up, had breakfast. Then I started to clean the kitchen since my 17 yr old son was cleaning his room already. Im gonna try really hard to have a better day today. Just do the things I need to do..like laundry, and straighten up the house. My son wants to put the tree up tonight. Im going to go to the bank..and deposit my paycheck (first one I wont be spending most of it on pills) I have a meeting planned at 6 or 6:30. Thank you to everyone who gave me suggestions and such. Although this seems a bit daunting... Today, I feel like I can do it.
  10. Bonita

    Bonita Well-Known Member

    Hey Ven,

    Hun...I so get how your feeling. I remember it too well. Your in mourning, any one would be when we loose a loved one.. dosnt matter that that loved one was killing us... we still love our dope. I am over a yr clean and I still will mourn my dope.

    I can promise you that it does get better.. we slowly learn to began to start participating in life... like how you cleaned your kitchen. The more time away from the dope it happens sorta natually to began to regain interest. So be patient with self. CONGRATS on getting clean and seeking help.

    Do something nice for yourself. A present to yourself. Be self indulgent for just that present.

  11. venuti2t

    venuti2t Member

    Thanks Bonita,
    Today has been a MUCH better day! I did what I set out to do with the exception of the dinnertime meeting. I decided to cook a Sunday meal like I used to pre opiate addiction. It was really nice, and felt like the right thing to do. I made chilli and rice, and baked a small cornbread loaf. Speaking of loaf... I did loaf around some.. But I was sure to do it on the floor in the living room. And not my bed. ( I sold my couch a few months back..wanting to replace it with something I liked) (but ended up spending the $ on pills) So, now I have a rocking chair only in my living room. One of my very short term goals is to replace it with something nice before Christmas. This will be a perfect way to use up whats leftover of my next paycheck in 2 weeks. So, yes..I will be getting something for myself. Im looking forward to my living room looking like a real home again. I just wanted to post how I was feeling today on day 13 at the end of the day for anyone who may possibly be seeking. And also to keep my new cyber friends in the loop. I just got all settled in from the 8 O'clock NA meeeting.. which was an hour and a half. I am actually impressed at how good I feel today. Best wished to all..and thank you all so much for replys. I soooo look forward to reading what people who have done this before, me think and feel.

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