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Deleting ODR Membership

Discussion in 'Forum Policies' started by sam bailey, Dec 2, 2008.

  1. sam bailey

    sam bailey Well-Known Member

    Folks,

    Look, how much clearer could it be? If a person doesn't want to become a member of a message board, so be it: don't join. However, once joined, there is, I believe, a central obligation to all the other board members, and this is it: retain THEIR thoughts...and ideas, and suggestions, and opinions. Don't delete their posts.

    Now, I see that this has happened once again. So what? Yep, you're right. It is no big deal. Hell, people come and go all the time. Sometimes they make a mark; sometimes they do not. Sometimes they're helped; sometimes they go straight back to doing dope. It's a free country. Go. See you later. Good luck and God bless.

    We all move on, and ODR pushes forward. No harm, no foul. Etc, etc, etc.

    However, there is a problem that sometimes comes from (some) folks who put their tails between their legs and hightail it out of Dodge. See, when an ODR Member asks the Administrators to ZAP their entire self, their entire identity, to Kingdom Come, when they ask that every single POST they've ever written be deleted...they take US with them. We are zapped too! Every post that any one of us has ever written to this person is also zapped, also sent into the nether regions of the cyber-cosmos; and I think that blows! Ha! [:x)]

    I mean, c'mon---some of those posts came directly from our hearts, from the best parts of ourselves...and in a genuine effort to help the person to whom we posted it! Whether or not that person gave a damn about it is NOT the point, nor is it even important. What IS Important is that OUR history was zapped to hell, too! Our history was lost, too. When the "Board" deleted this person's existence, it also killed small pieces of our own.

    And, as noted above, I think that blows!

    Not that I, ol Sam, wrote a damned thing important, profound or even halfass worthwhile. But then I rarely do...

    ...it's just that ol Sam is thinking of all the other posters, who are, as he is, lost in cyber-purgatory.

    ***Btw, this didn't just happen (well, actually it did)...it has happened before...and, in ALL seriousness, I think that it's only kind, not to mention potentially valuable, to, somehow, save the heartfelt thoughts and ideas of...well, all of us.

    Someone wants out-of-here, let 'em go! Bye-bye, baby. Leave us, however, our histories.

    best,

    sam

    sam bailey
     
  2. Ruthie

    Ruthie Well-Known Member

    To clarify:

    I requested that my personal threads be removed.

    _I no longer felt particularly useful or welcome here after the amazing response to my last thread where I was all but invisible.

    I knew it would be noticed, because so many of you have had such great fun lambasting me-and not being one to desire to either evoke or participate in that behavior I opted to, as you put it erroniously Sam:

    "Put my tail between my legs and hightail it"-an oxymoron in itsetlf...No?

    The person who decides to stick around where her opinions, feelings and honest thoughts receive little more than pompous condesention, have little value expressed for them, with only occasionally an "atta girl" from a minority of friends here is exposing herself to unwanted and unneeded pain.

    Fear not, gentle reader--I'm not our here tossing tequilla shooters with Imperial beer backers whilst gobbling the huge bottle of methadone I brought with me but have opted not to take for the pain I've experienced....

    Remember--Ruthie aint--I repeat--Ruthie ain't an addict..and for the most part, your very closed society is not one I want to be around any longer. Playing with the addicts has ceased to be fun-and boy have I learned a lot about honesty-and peoples different versions of it.


    Y'all win--there is no place here for a chronic pain patient-and thats just sad.

    Respectully
    Ruth
     
  3. glassbottom

    glassbottom Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately Sam, I disagree with you on this one. I think it is entirely up to the person who started the thread if they want it deleted. Much as it sucks for those who put time into making it a pocket resource on some recovery issue...it may just be that the member in question feels their safety, anonymity or personal life is being compromised. In which case, its up to them.

    This is a detox site. For anyone who wants to detox. last I checked, it wasn't a "what I did on my summer vacation" site. But its all good in the hood. Relevant parties have decided to go to other detox sites and talk open trash about members like arlene, myself, omni and onmyway. So let her. If I want to read her passive aggessive, thinly veiled self justifications I can always pop my head over there and find out. For the record, recovery is about helping people and offering advice and suggestions. Not just telling you what you want to hear about how marvelous everything is. Said poster has made it abundantly clear they are NOT an addict. I don't dispute this fact. Nor is that prereq for membership here. The suggestions made to her where about drinking while on powerful psychiatric, hypertension and blood pressure meds while travelling in a foreig country at the age of sixty five. And about forgetting to take that potent antidepressant as directed. Both of those behaviours are irresponsible and its totally within the purview of a member to respectfully suggest that they are.
     
  4. arlenewla

    arlenewla Well-Known Member

    Re having trash talked, it don't rock my world. I find it somewhat amusing.

    I know what I wrote when said poster came aboard....and I believe I was amongst some of the first members to to welcome her.

    I related to the poster; older woman trying to get off of MMT. A widow. I reached out as best I could. I wrote a taper and tried to assist in that regard.

    After several posts....particularly one wherein she left her Methadone at home...I suggested that she was not addict.

    When said poster reinducted her Methadone after a 3 day hiatus...I was concerned about a possible OD if she re-started where she left off...and said so.

    Then as time went on, I stated that only said member could actually make that determination for herself, re chronic pain patient or addict, when she finally got clean.

    As more time went on, I saw certain red addict type flags....and said so.

    I was also concerned regarding a no name non narcotic pain reliever following dental surgery. I suggested that it was not responsible to take something when one didn't know what it was....particularly while on Methadone. And I said so.

    I was concerned for the poster...that it was Ultram. Ultram which is contraindicated when on Methadone.

    Stacey was concerned about the same thing.

    GB was concerned about the mix of psychotropics.

    Ariel was concerned about possible drinking.

    Omni calls a spade a spade in her desire to help and have an addict smell the coffee.

    Why Janice is an "irritant", I'm not really sure.

    And now will we hear how a bunch of self-righteous, 12 Stepper's ran a poor beleaguered, chronic pain patient off the board?

    Oy vay.

    Arlene
    Free;12-25-02


    <center>THIS TOO SHALL PASS</center>
     
  5. Jill Clarkson

    Jill Clarkson Well-Known Member

    I popped in on said thread, and read about a woman in a foreign country, .....living dangerously like Thelma and Louise,...and daring someone to call her on it,....I was shocked, having not been on the methadone side for a while. Then, I pop back on just a few days later,...and THIS.

    For the record, not that I'm asked, but I agree with SAM. I have often tried to find something I wrote, only to find that it was a comment on another's thread and it is often deleted it seems. How often does &lt;this&gt; happen? Any ideas?

    All anyone can do is give their best, from their heart, and what the reader does or doesn't do can not be a deterant, yes?

    Like Ar said, there were RED flags flying high enough to be read from outer space! :)

    And, like I think Dave said, for his money, there is no better recovery site out there than ours. Thats' not snobbery, I base &lt;it&gt; on the level of depth there is at ODR. Wide are the opinions, but DEEP is the respect and love.

    God bless Ruthie too! :)

    Love and Respect!
    Jilly
     
  6. MikeFromCT

    MikeFromCT Well-Known Member

    I am late to the show again, but regarding the issue of active users of pills and or methadone for pain management or flat out abuse of the drugs constantly posting about their issues and never doing anything about it: this is why I really don't come by here anymore. I just pop in for little updates for the people that are getting off the stuff to show that at least you can do it. I'm at the point, approaching 4 months, where I don't want to read about why people use medication or look for validation in the forms of "if you take it for chronic pain and don't abuse it you are all right" stuff. The name of this site is Opiate Detox RECOVERY, emphasis on RECOVERY. There is way too much maintaining and not enough recovery going on in a lot of threads. Much more than someone in active recovery cares to read about. But I know there are real clean living soldiers in here and I thank all of you for your words and thoughts. Sometimes it's just too hard to sift through the bull*bleep* to get to the helpful stuff.

    And I agree, there is no place for "chronic" pain patients here. There are other websites fr that. This is for people that want to clean up their lives. For me at least. I don't want to hear how someone takes x-amount of methadone a day and it makes their pain and life better. I just don't want to hear that *bleep*. I was on meth for the same reason and it put my life in the pisser. So I stay away...
     
  7. Mic

    Mic Guest

    Hi Jilly,

    You may have missed some of the info in this thread (but I did not</u> delete it![:I]) When a member decides to leave us and requests that his/her content be deleted, we oblige. What we can do differently though, is preserve the remaining posts/content in the affected threads.

    We're open to ideas as to the best way to handle this scenario. A member certainly has a right to have his/ her content expunged, but what we do beyond that is really up to you guys...

    Mic

    <center>It takes what it takes</center>
     
  8. Jill Clarkson

    Jill Clarkson Well-Known Member

    Well, that's about as fair as can be! :)
    That is way cool MIC.

    I thought last night about how arduous a job that may be for you administrators/moderators? Or is it easy to delete only their comments? What thread would our misc. floating comments go under??? :)

    Whatever happens, we're having our "process time", and I for one am feeling very heard.

    Thank you once again ODR, et,. all :)

    Love and Respect!
    Jill
    Ji
     
  9. tubalkain

    tubalkain Well-Known Member

    This does seem to be the best way to go about it, isn't fair that other people's input gets erased because someone decides he wants his contributions gone.

    Why not have anyone who wants his posts deleted do it himself? They can easily do it manually by hitting the bin icon and it only affects their posts and the mods don't have to waste time doing it.
     
  10. glassbottom

    glassbottom Well-Known Member

    I hear ya tub. Its a bummer and its happened before. The only problem with this method is that when a user deletes their individual posts it doesn't delete "reply with quote" responses and so often times a version of their post does remain.
     
  11. Omnicron Theta

    Omnicron Theta Well-Known Member

    MikeFromCT

    I, too, missed the "show" and I that darn glassbottom has not let me know the URL of this other purported detox website where I can find out who is trash talking about me and what they are saying. I am dying of curiousity. Wow, someone trash talking about me. I am famous because it is all about me....

    No, seriously, I have no idea what was said. Apparently some folks did not agree with what drugs were being taken and how they were being taken. Based on her post in response, she made it sound like people were making personal comments. Somehow I doubt that. The mods were not giving out warnings so I don't think that is the case. I am confused about this...

    Pompous? Condescending? That was adjectives used to describe her. Occasional "atta girl"? What is wrong with that? I don't get many posts telling me how awesome my previous post was, or just any response to my posts in general. I will live. Sometimes I just type to hear myself in my head and what I am thinking and need to do. Just how many "atta girls" does one need? 2? 10? 20? This can be one of those "One is too many and one thousand not enough" Because someone disagrees with her does NOT make their responses pompous and condescending. Little value attached to them? Perhaps, especially if others don't agree with the approach. Deal with it. If not, go to a site that will agree, if agreement, and frequent expression of that agreement, is what one needs for validation.

    The not welcoming chronic pain patients is utter bull. The amount of practical help she received from arlenewla is amazing. She, not others made it clear again, and again...and again that she wasn't an addict. This may be projecting, but I think she got some sense of validation by favorable comparison to us, which would allow her to give use what she considered useful advice. And some of it was quite useful. This is where she could have been of some much more help. Giving non opiate solutions to pain problems.

    OK, fine. What bugged me is she would get snarky when people made suggestions on the premise she was. I see no reason why she should get upset. After all the advice she received was safe advice. If it was good enough for addicts, it's good enough for non-addicts. She could take what she needed and leave the rest. If she was upset because her vacation thread was not treated respectfully enough, she could have taken it to the General forum where a vacation topic is more appropriate than the Methadone forum.

    Mike, please don't judge all chronic pain patients by what she did. Not all of them are in denial. And many won't come here to "observe" the addicts like insects. Many want our help in tapers and non-opiate alternatives. And who better to give it to them? After all, would we want people to judge us by the actions of more than a few addicts? Then we are in serious trouble.....

    All this verbiage is to say that she misrepresented peoples' responses to her and personalized them when that was not happening. She either just wanted to talk about her vacation or not have people question her chemical intake. She also blew things way out of proportion. And outright misrepresented how people treated her. Disagreement is not disrespect. Oversensitive and it is not always about me, or her, or you or..you get the picture.

    This is NOT a closed group. Unless closed means you have noticeable amounts of people disagreeing with you......
     
  12. sam bailey

    sam bailey Well-Known Member

    Folks,

    Tubal suggested, "Why not have anyone who wants his posts deleted do it himself? They can easily do it manually by hitting the bin icon and it only affects their posts and the mods don't have to waste time doing it."

    Simple: To do it oneself is simply not very...dramatic. A single GRAND announcement stirs up the most dust.

    Omni, you wrote, "If she was upset because her vacation thread was not treated respectfully enough..."

    Truth be told (IMO), while the reaction to Ruthie's vacation thread MAY have bothered her, I believe that she was MOST bothered by the lack of attention ODR gave to her personal BLOG...at least this is what she implied in that...uh, other joint that she posts on.

    Maybe if more people had raved about her BLOG, she would have been less inclined to skedaddle...but skedaddle she did. I must say, though, Ruthie's description of her Costa Rican Times sounds wonderful. She seems to be having a terrific time; and that can't be anything but good.

    Vaya con Dios, Ruth!

    best,

    sam

    sam bailey
     
  13. Allgood

    Allgood Well-Known Member

    Whats everyone doing to stay clean and sober for today?

    I must rely less on self and more on God with each passing day. For me, to use is to die ... either physically or mentally or both. I don't want that today.

    Hope all is well with everyone.
    Peace,
    T
     
  14. spring

    spring Administrator

    I dont know what happened to what thread because I didnt have a chance to see any of it.

    I agree with Sam tho, deleting one members posts from a long thread disrupts the flow and I dont like to do it. In fact, I rarely delete any threads if ever. If it has to happen, it gets moved into the hidden moderator room until things can be resolved, if they cant, it stays there.

    And speaking of hidden rooms; We have a hidden forum for chronic pain patients for this very reason. Recovering, clean addicts dont want to be and dont need to be reading about a CP patient's daily doseage of narcotics,etc.

    For those chronic pain patients: Please do yourself a favor and join the others in a hidden room where you may talk freely about your issues without fear of backlash on yourself and without fear of triggering a person in recovery.
     
  15. cgdg

    cgdg Well-Known Member


    I'm no rocket surgeon, but because I'm helpful by nature, I was just wondering ...if the forum is hidden, how does one know it's there?
     
  16. Mic

    Mic Guest

    All very astute observations, but I need to tell you guys more about the hidden CP Forum. The last post was two months ago, by me. I guess you could say that when it comes to cyber-cp forums....we ain't all that. (atall) [:I]

    Mic

    <center>It takes what it takes</center>
     
  17. spring

    spring Administrator

    The forum is hidden (invitation only) because it's only meant to be used by members who take meds regularly because of chronic pain issues.
    It doesnt have much, if anything, to do with detox or recovery tho some CPPs face similar issues that we as addicts have to deal with and have come to ODR looking for help. Some are trying to taper off, some arent.

    We try to watch for those members and invite them to join the hidden forum or recommend another site. It looks like some may have been overlooked.
    It's not a mandantory thing but it is in their better interest to post there....like Mic said, the last post was over two months ago and even tho it's been around for 2 or 3 years, it's not been very active lately.
     
  18. cgdg

    cgdg Well-Known Member


    Thanks for clearing that up Spring.

    My apologies for derailing this thread ...can we get back to dogpiling on 'said poster' now?
     
  19. scott

    scott Administrator

    Hi Sam, I got a message from Mic about deleteing posts. I did read through this thread and can see your point about deleting posts. The issue to resolve is what to do when a member requests deleting his or her posts. Option 1. sorry, won't do it. Option 2. Delete only the posts by the individual - results in broken threads that make no sense. Option 3. Delete all threads containing the post.

    When a member makes a request to me to delete his or her posts, I have to decide which option is best. Without really thinking about it, I have always decided to respect the individual's request. I do see the other side that you mention, but even after thinking about it more, still come down in favor of the member's request. Public forums always have these gray areas where the "right" choice is difficult to figure out. Here at ODR, we started with and maintain respect as our leading guide. Choosing the request of the individual just seemed to me to be the best thing.

    I am happy to listen to other opinions, but please send them to me by private message since these policy issues don't help anyone with their addiction.

    I see that Ruth chose to respond in this thread after she asked me to delete her posts. In the future, when a person asks to delete his or her posts, I will delete the member at the same time. It is not appropriate to receive the benefit of deleting posts then come back and take shots at members who stick around.



     
  20. spring

    spring Administrator

    I am in complete agreement with this policy Doc.
     

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