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fight vs harmony

Discussion in 'Freedom from Hell ~ Staying Clean~' started by donaldstrike, Apr 15, 2012.

  1. donaldstrike

    donaldstrike Well-Known Member

    two ways out of hell
    (switching possible)
    it depends on the personality i guess
    fight vs harmony

    the concept of fight (willpower/abstinence):
    if you tend to be a fighting person (winner/looser) there's a chance that you'll probably win this fight
    but you've to fight (cravings) over and over again (against yourself) ... they will lessen and maybe disappear - no doubt
    but still ... you can be caught anytime - and since fighters think in winner/looser schemata ... go figure
    these fights are the opposite of a training ... you'll become weaker and weaker each time you try to ...
    and fail ... (i know what i'm talking about here) ... that's why it's harder each time
    you just can't win/lose against yourself - you are what you are - always ready for a change without fighting
    changing your behaviour and habit not yourself ... not at all ... again - you are what you are
    our experience has just stolen us our faith and belief in it

    the concept of harmony (spiritual/freedom)
    if you ever feel like you can't win this fight (at least in the end) ... you maybe surrender ...
    but there is no looser and winner if you accept it ... and then you've three possibilities ...
    1. use - which means a further fight most likely ... some time
    2. possible use/abstinence - which means to learn to know and listen to yourself - freedom
    3. abstinence - which means a further fight most likely ... some time
    since acceptance of the current situation is the key for permanent change - accept addiction (part of us)
    because of that you don't have to live in active addiction yourself anymore - dependency - turn it off
    only sobriety defined as goal doesn.t work ... but it's the base to grow and be happy with your real self
    real life goals establish meaning ... meaning establishes sense ... sense means harmony - for your soul

    if anyone (even long term sober) telling me that he/she just don't care about using anymore and that they feel
    free of the **** ... that may be true (i felt the same way) ... depends on attitude we're not really aware of
    they just don't recognize/care about the possibility - can be a mind trick and change - be aware ... of ...
    the possiblility to do or not to do means freedom - and that's the key to be happy - and that's all about
    this freedom can't last as long as you don't change your lifestyle - because this lifestyle brought bondage -
    but it can be initiated by learning/understanding to live in harmony with yourself - surrender the fight
    forgive yourself - stop to feel sorry for yourself ... start over

    that's all theory
    and it's just meant as a way with less pressure for the seemingly lost souls out there (incl. mine)
    the ones who didn't ever get to the point where they fully accept/understand their past
    depending on a soulless powder/pill - even more soul sucking
    obviously more dangerous and longer ... i'm not sure about that though .... "the way is the goal"
    we only have to die ... nothing else - i don't consider/hope because of drugs or the care about and waste from them
    to be clear - I see myself as a hard 'fighter' in general - non-violent - i tried it by force ...
    here i am ... i lost - but i don't care :)
    beating addiction doesn't count - accepting does (as a part of us) - tolerating weakness (you/me/us)
    i'm just curious if anyone (especially long term sober) can agree with me - somehow

    btw ...
    another two weeks without any so called drug ... no biggie to stop ... no intense cravings ...
    no need that i may be right with my way ... have an idea of yours and follow it - consistently
    maybe i just became too weak to fight anything ... what a godsend ... so far
    i feel something different this time ... LOL ... sounds somehow familiar
    as long as one can laugh about oneself ... don't worry

    so ... now i'll be silent for a while and learn :)
    be aware and take care of yourself
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2012
  2. AumuA

    AumuA Well-Known Member

    Although.. your words are not very clear.. I do have a sense of your meaning and I do agree in part at least. A major theme of my moving forward from active addiction to living clean has been acceptance, surrender, giving up the fight and saying in all sincerity I don't know.. what can I do here?

    The first thing I had to accept was just the reality of my situation. I didn't know how lost I really was, and I didn't want to know. As time passed I denied the mounting evidence that I was on a one way dead end street with ever greater vigor. Indeed I fought: I fought back awareness that I was already the loser. I wasn't going to get better on my own, and the very idea just stung my pride so much that I fought it. Ironically, I used more drugs to blot these feelings out. I acted as though I still had a choice, but in reality I was driven by compulsion. I used and manipulated everything around me, people, situations, things, just to keep the delusion that I was in control. Who wants to let that go, when that is the premise they've been operating on for so long? For some of us, the cost is too high to continue living according to our own will. I am one of those people, that's the simple truth.

    I've found a great freedom in that realization, and a great purpose, and work. Maybe you can too, I don't know.
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2012
  3. Rainier

    Rainier Well-Known Member

    donaldstrike,

    Yeah, I think I get what you're saying, and if so, I certainly agree.

    I try to approach things from the harmony side, and even succeed most of the time...I'm well aware that while I can white-knuckle things for a while, in the long run it is untenable. So most of the time I do not fight it anymore, I just take it for what it is and get on with my life - chasing those goals, establishing some meaning.

    Once in a while, though, I do find myself fighting with it again. But though I acknowledge that losing that fight is always a possibility (and a statistical likelihood), I sure as hell don't intend to let that happen. My choice, in the end, and I have far too much to lose now.
     
  4. movazi

    movazi Well-Known Member

    don

    You are playing with words trying to say something yet you are not saying it.

    May be life is pre-destined and most will use for the rest of their life and some are destined to quit, in which case it is a pure throw of dice and spoken words means very little.

    In general though events must take their course till at some point in our life things converge, a right combination of events will eventually cause abstinence in certain percentage of the addict population. At such a point it is the drugs that leave the addict and not the other way around.
     

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