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Flipping the switch

Discussion in 'Detoxing From Pain Meds' started by Chasin' it, Sep 22, 2012.

  1. Chasin' it

    Chasin' it Well-Known Member

    Hello,
    I am posting this thread for myself to come back and read down the road if needed. Major bonus if someone can relate and we walk out of the dark together.

    I feel like I have been in a dark room for years now. It started in Feb of '95 I had a brain bleed. Pretty serious, well really serious. Dr.s told my wife get some family around and asked if she "had our affairs in order?". So there I lay and a nurse comes in with a shot of Demerol...Instant relief. My first thought was "wow that worked can I go home now?" I had no idea how serious this really was, they didn't want to get my bp to wig out.
    I am not the worrying type at all. A couple surgeries later I go home I was only in there for a week. They couldn't believe how fast I recovered. I was 30 at the time. Ah youth:) .Two small kids and that was "my brush with death" you hear about. A week after that I was back at work, in fact we stopped at the office on the way home. I thought it would be fun to show my new haircut. Main point is that I am not the type to worry about things at all, so in my (now damaged) brain I was bullet proof.

    Same year in the spring sometime my Knee starts to hurt so I keep blowing it off. Fall down in agony in Oct. "Ok I'll go to the Dr. now honey". Mri shows that the whole top of my leg is BLACK. I call the wife told her I had bone cancer I promise I'll quit smoking now. Had to get a total hip, now more meds. It was just a vascular necrosis not cancer. So why quit smokin. Bullet proof right?

    I had a morphine pump of course. the first hour I had hit that button over a 100x's no exaggeration. Best friend (who I haven't seen in years now--pushing people out w/o realizing?) and my wife take it away and start to time it out and push the button every minute since it was regulated. Nurse comes in a little later and I am eating, she can't believe I am even awake let alone eating w/as much morphine. Get through that and the Ortho gets me off after a few months or so after telling me I was "on the edge".

    Jump to '99 and the head starts wiggin out. Hearing goes, disoriented. So being the genius that I am I let that ride for 6 mo or so. It started happening all the time, couple times a day. Not worried this I'm sure it will work out, I'll be ok. Bullet proof.

    Finally go back to Dr. Another angiogram or three later...brain is about to blow again (they never found where it bled from the first time). Had 2 anyuerisms (sp?)_and they were gonna pop anytime. The head wiggin' thing were seizures (caused by the new stretched blood vessels).
    Now it's not like they were turn blue swallow tongue type seizures. I don't really get too freaked out. Plus we did this a few yrs ago I'm sure it'll work out always does.
    Now this time it was a REALLY big deal. 14-15hr operation separate brain type thing. Again they had us put affairs in order. Get through that...bullet proof. About a year later head wigs out again but now it feels like there is a knife in the side of my skull. Nerve damage.

    Also my memory now sucks. Not "where are my keys" sucks but can't remember large chunks of time, big events and the like. " You have nerve damage from the big op and it's forever", great.
    Neuro starts with the percocet since it would be better than the 20+ Tylenol I would take all day. I really didn't think much about or even knew about toxicity. Well these worked so, good to go. Not too long after that- I can't make them last the month, tolerance.

    Now all through these years I was kicking arse at work. I love what I do and loved to work or did love it (not motivated for a long time) but I was in the dark. That was in 2000.
    Over the years tolerance rises I don't pay a lot of attention to it. Not real bright but bullet proof. You think I would have learned but I just really focused on work and family raising kids etc. I swear I DID NOT feel "high". Not that it would have stopped me. Did quite a bit of partying over the years. Not since the brain blowout but I wouldn't have been opposed to a good buzz. Please remember that this is for me to re-read as I flip the switch, open the door and walk into the light now and look back down the road clear headed.

    I think it was '10 when my hands went numb and arms were killing me. Again, are you kidding? Ride it out, it will stop I'm sure. Finally go to doc. "Your spine is compressed and we need to operate this week. Oh and don't drive. If you get in a wreck you may be a quad." You have got to be kidding me. Get through that, by now I am taking a ton of oxy's ir and er 30's/80s). Lucky again, bullet proof.

    Last summer I was early for an appt. customer had called and moved it back. Now I am a man of faith, meaning I don't believe in coincidences.. Things happen for a reason. All the close calls over the last what 17 yrs. and it all works out. Always does.

    Pull into a parking lot to kill some time and a voice in my damaged :) head says google opiate addiction or somethin', leads me here. I see things that I see in myself all over the place. Running out early EVERY month for years. Just never really worried about it much. No "using against consequences" I thought. Actually never heard that term till I came here. I guess that's when it starts me thinking about I really need to stop this. Mostly I related to the isolation part, memory is worse. Not sure if that is totally meds but it can't be making my memory better. They took a chunk out of the memory section at the last brain op. I now see that these are the consequences and it is going to end NOW.
    Around the first of this year after lurking here a LOT I started a thread about "addicted or dependent" (searching? Denial?). I have asked several times kinda WORRIED about this for some reason. I should probably mention that I am about 6 days in wd now. I do this every month for YEARS. It's really just stupid. It's not bad at all or I am just really good at it.

    A couple months ago in my 4-6 day monthly dance with clarity I ran out much earlier. Meds were upped last spring. Stronger (but fewer at my request) Now after a couple days I tell my wife I really want to try and stop this circus (thank you ODR). A week or so in she makes an off handed comment about me seeming to be happier since I hadn't taken any meds. I don't think much of it. Couple days later her, my daughter and I are talking and I don't recall what I said but they laughed and the wife says "look 'happy dad is back'". That goes by, not much thought. Well over the last couple months that has been on my mind a lot. I haven't 'felt' any different, don't worry much. So I read through Mellon's story and in his recovery says he didn't see himself getting better so keep riding it out and it gets better. Life I mean.
    So over this last week I have done a lot of reflecting, A LOT, that's not like me at all but I am so grateful.. Those two comments that she doesn't even remember, opened my eyes. I have been in a dark room (isolating), walking around in a fog and not being me. I guess like the recovery process, you don't see it. Well I SEE it now. I am standing at the door with one hand on the door knob and the other on the light switch. Switch flipped, door opened...Door slammed shut. Out into my the light I go. Wish me luck.
     
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2012
  2. Carol09

    Carol09 Well-Known Member

    Hey, glad you are here :)
    Like your story! Wow had some scary situations that 4 sure!!!!

    So to help you better, where are you now with the opiates? Are you using today, tapering or are you clean right now? If you are still using, when is your 'jump day'? and how much were you using per day at the end?

    It's funny, we can be bullet proof in so many areas of our lives, but when it comes to the beast of opiate addiction, there is no such thing as being bullet proof. I wish lol

    Anyway, the board is kinda slow on the weekend, but don't get discouraged...

    Keep posting and keep moving forward. And we'll be here for ya! =) Cause we know all too well what it's like!!

    ~Carol
     
  3. Chasin' it

    Chasin' it Well-Known Member

    H Carol
    First how is your bubonic pague doing? Kinda funny (to me anyway) that as many operations and stuff I never get sick. something over 12/14 sugeries and I can't catch a cold to save my life! Kind of a running joke at home. To your questions. yep clean about six days. Ran out watcjing football don't know the exact time. doesn't really matter to me the exact time. I will go insane if I start watching a clock.
    On the doses they were pretty high. It was oxy 30 supposed to be 8 day (well for everyone else of course. me 10-15) and opana 40 er's. changed to opana 10 ir and same 40's. I think I probably averaged (past tense) 450-600 oxy day. What would happen is I would go thru one of the scripts or the other in a couple weeks or less, then fill the other for what would be the rest of the month. Problem with that plan is that apparently months have more days where i live so I run out 4-6 days early. I really didn't pay close attn. believe it or not. I would get up shower take a few, pocket some, and if I thought about it I'd take them.
    Now it didn't matter what time as long as I had em. Head starts oh...eat a few. Just stupid. Really stupid. But like I said I'm out of the dark and outside in the sun where I belong now. Just really depended on how busy I was. If I was tied up with appts or something, less that day. Then do a little math and wow that was a lot. Won't happen next month. RIGHT.

    I am going to win this. I am sure I'm in for a ride as we go but time flies. I just try and stay positive. I was thinking about how many times i have said that phrase, time flies the older you get. Now its super sonic since i'm old. I Love the way that Mellon put it. I'm kinda a big picture guy. so I'm not going to freak out about it now and see how we are at the beginning of the yr. I'll probably get flamed for saying that (sounds flip I know) but I know how I am. Different strokes.

    My eyes are wide open (not pinned lol) and I get that this is gonna suck for some time. Doesn't it seem like Christmas was just here? Me too...TIME FLIES. A couple months ago when I was clean for a couple weeks or something it dawned on me that this is such a mind f**k and i didn't even think about them while busy. Just kept reminding myself how important momentum is. Cause once I got my sloth arse outta the house no problem. just move and momentum just kinda pushed the day,|next thing you know it's time for supper...and goodnight. the week was gone. time flies. Hopefully the clock won't break for the next six months :)_sounds like a good first target to me. I'll leave the light on for ya :)
     
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2012
  4. roxymoron

    roxymoron Well-Known Member

    Fight the good fight every moment! :) Congrats on day 6, man you sound bright for that amount of time. My depression lasts like a month! Btw, you never get sick with colds or flu because you've been on opiates for all of these years, and that seems to be very common for us. March on brother.
     
  5. Chasin' it

    Chasin' it Well-Known Member

    Thanks Billy,
    Damn now I have a reason to get transcripts filled. I won't get sick Just kidding. On the sounding bright..hmmm idk right now I'm way more worried about clemson hitting that bomb on the first drive on FSU. I hate to admit it but I have done this for so long it really doesn't bother me after the first day or maybe I just don't let it? Hang on...btw FSU about to score this is gonna work out. Feeling better already. Sorry I saw something shiny and got sidetracked ::). TD FSU!!!! OK I'm back, see stuff works out.

    On the attitude i feel pretty good about stuff and this new goal I have to make this happen has me jazzed for sure. I was productive @work today and actually looked forward to gettin it done.
    But the best part hands down was talking to the wife about all this. She goes "its been great to have conversations the last week". Damn come on noles. Sorry one eye on the game and one here... hope nothing else comes up cause I don't have any more eyes...fake kick... stopped...uh oh gotta measure. Damn 1st down. Riddled with adhd lol. Ah man I'm gonna have to put something else on this game is gonna blow my sobriety! But seriously it is blowing me away how blind I have been to this. It's exciting. You know I have never tried to do this before. It would flicker through me brain now and then during my monthly clarity dance. But those comments she made just really hit me ya know?I I don't want and I'm not gonna be " that" guy till I'm pushing up daisies.

    What's even cooler is that we are new empty nesters. Like many we have put allot of attention and time into our family which can easily add to growing apart. Obviously me being in the dark didn't, couldn't have helped that. So overall for the first time in forever I really feel like I have something to build again. Does that make sense? Before this last" jump" really more like a "running out" i was starting to get a little worried thinking well what I if I can't get anymore? Missed kick shat! And felt like I was gonna lose something ya know?
    But after reading Mellons thread ( the end pages) i realize I'm not gonna lose anything, I'm gaining me. More important my family back. What's crazy is that I didn't see it slipping away. I do now though and I can control it. Not the addiction necessarily but what I'm gonna do about it. I can go to the corner and cry about why are my genes so defective or worry about what I can control and change. So that's what I'm gonna do. Thanks for posting means allot trust me. Alright we're moving the ball again. Praying for ya Billy. I've been watching ya. I really gotta go, NOLES just scored this is gonna be a barn burner. Cool cause I can't sleep anyway! Lol. I'll leave the light on for ya, so far its bright out here. Check back in a bit.
     
  6. Inhishands(Heather)

    Inhishands(Heather) Well-Known Member

    Chasin it, you sound a whole lot like me & the drive I have for my sobriety. My daddy (yes I am 31 & still call my dad "daddy") told me "I was one of the most stubborn people that he had ever met, that if I put my mind to it, no one was gonna change my mind for me" which in my current PAWS experience is working for the good! I guess my hardcore stubbornness has came in handy..lol..Hang in there, life is better & more clear without the opiates!
     
  7. Chasin' it

    Chasin' it Well-Known Member

    Hi Heather,
    Thanks for stopping by. Nice to meet you. I'm in his hands too or maybe more like clinging. So good on ya. How far along are you? I hear ya on the stubborn thing, my daughters the same way. Funny how that kinda stuff works out eh? Being stubborn I mean. Love the" daddy's little girl" can picture him smiling ear to ear. Ok maybe not since I don't know what he looks like but you know what I mean. Lookin forward to following your progress. Oh man touchdown FSU!! coming back Damn holding. I hate football... yea!!!!!! Td NOLESi love football! I gotta watch out or I'm gonna wake the above average wife. She's on my side with this now but if I wake her up I'm toast.. I'll be back. I'll leave the light on for ya.
     
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2012
  8. Chasin' it

    Chasin' it Well-Known Member

    Good day
    Day is off to a good start, "pancake Sunday" and game day. Doesn't get much better than that.
    After that Noles game wore me out I was glad to get some sleep around 5-6 hrs which is cool only 7 days in.

    I see where a lot of people fight like the dickens with the sleep thing. One of the things that I looked forward to before I knew I was gonna run out early every month was getting some sleep. I have no clue why that is but I can let you know what I do and hopefully it will help. While using I would wake up more often, I can't say that it was withdrawal as far as my symptoms I wasn't sick or anything just a little frustrated until I just figured this would be a great time to listen to some music. Ear buds and Pandora :) Figured if I'm gonna be stuck layin here anyway might as well enjoy it. If I fought it I just stared at the clock...1:53....1:59....2:07....it'll drive ya crazy. Pandora and ear buds...11:30.....2:53......4:31. You get the idea. I can deal with 4/5 hrs and some great tunes.
    I take this stuff called Alteril. It has melatonin triptophan (sp?) and something else can't recall what. Once I heard it had the same stuff that Turkey has I thought "I can't recall that last time I made it the second half on
    Turkey day cause of that stuff so I'm in"...Good call and it works. For the times I wake up in the middle of the night I take something called "Mid-Nite". Disolves fast and works pretty good plus it doesn't taste too bad. Worth a shot. I don't dread going to bed at least.
    Nothing really exciting to post. Feel pretty good 1 week down went pretty quick and stayed busy. Check back later hope everybody has a great day.
     
  9. Inhishands(Heather)

    Inhishands(Heather) Well-Known Member

    Hey Chasin' it, Its 84 days clean for me. Was on oxys a few years then went into MMT for the following 7 1/2 years after. I am in the PAWS stage now, but its not that bad. I have bad days then good days, back & forth. But my bad days are just mainly weakness, & oh the sneezing which seems to be a plague for me. I hate sneezing & will never look @ it the same..lol..Oh & about the (in his hands) its the only way for me. I dug a pretty big hole for myself & well I wasn't getting out of it by myself. Through all of this because of him I have peace with myself. Today in the society we live in, people don't take to well to this concept & well as for me I am gonna take all the help I can get, thus being said I am clinging to Chasin' it...oh & yeah about my daddy, he is smiling ear to ear :) I have never seen him more proud of me, not even the day I graduated college. He said he had his baby back, & I am thinking your family is just as proud & probably smiling ear to ear as well.. Hang in there! :)
     
  10. Carol09

    Carol09 Well-Known Member

    Hey there chasin it :) Thanks for leaving the lights on for me, as I am going thru a dark night of the soul. Ya that bubonic plague is just killing me!! I know it's just a cold or the flu, plus the apathy that comes with being a little over a mounth clean, plus but I haven't been sick for so long.it just puts me in a bad head space. But anyway....I did about the same amount of high mg as you, and for sure, every month when I would run out of my prescription of my oxycontin and percocets, I would ALWAYS say 'next month will be different' ya right....always the same result....definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. That fits me to a T. Thank God that I don't have to be frightened that I am running out of that drug, and go to my 'source' for more paying thru the nose to make me sicker and sicker inside....man...crazy!!!!

    So have you thought what your plans are going to be to 'stay' clean and sober? I am sure you have read around and see that the successful people are active in their recovery....so whatever that looks like to you, it might be worth a thought :) We want to see you sucessed, you seem like a really nice guy, and do keep the light on for me ;)
     
  11. Chasin' it

    Chasin' it Well-Known Member

    Ya'll are sweet.
    Heather that sneezing thing is hilarious!! I was in the store the other day and heard a sneeze and then I'm waiting to hear if their gonna rip off a few in a row. Until I came here I n never even put that together, the WD and sneezing too funny.

    That Peace y you speak of reminded me of something. Before the big brain op. They had me in the pre op and I'm goofing with the nurses and just being a general pain in butt. So their hooking up and all that, BP the usual drill and my bp is pretty low, heat rate slow. She had a funny look and said mr._______have you taken anything? Uh no... like what? You didn't take anything to calm down did you? Nope. Had a burritos last night that's it.
    While they were wheeling me into pre op I had the most peaceful feeling come over me. I can't really explain it but it was cool. I wasn't the least bit nervous. When I finally figured out what was eatin at this woman I asked is there a problem? Shes like oh no. You do understand what we're doing today for you Mr...... finally I just told her hey if this doesn't work out I know where I'm going. Really hard to try and explain. My wife is the only person that knows that, well her and the nurses on the Neuro floor at Shands lol.

    So talk to me about this paws stuff I keep hearing about. From what I can gather its depression right? I'm planning on getting bummed out for few months at least. Take that back, I don't mean it like that. It sounds like I'm packing for a trip to bummerville or something. I guess I'm just not gonna be surprised if I get bummed out for a while. I see people on here talking about horrible depression, words like"black cloud of death" and the like. I'll admit not really lookin forward to that. But I also don't want to just hang out and wait for it either if you know what I mean. I am glad that I've never had to fight the depression battle. If it comes it comes. Is not like I'm totally blind about what I have done to my I already broken brain. But I'm not gonna buy a ticket on the guilt train either. Hell i just got of the "oxpress" ("soulshine.. its better than the sunshine" anyone know that song?)
    There's just no point in it, feeling guilt I mean. If I drive down the road looking in the rearview mirror I am POSITIVE that I will crash. Been in enough hospitals to last me a lifetime know what I mean? So I'm looking forward and driving to the light. I'm glad that light at the end of the tunnel isn't a train coming but my old life and self waiting. Love that Counting Crowes lyric "I wanna be the light that burns out your eyes".
    I refuse to plan on being sad pissed off and just mad at the world. I realize it may happen, I'm not gonna plan on crashing my car either. Make any sense? And if it does I'm glad i'll know why its happening. I just spent the last 12yrs trying to make endorphins apparently. If I were my brain I'd be ticked too. It's had a rough go of it. So it's gonna heal when it's wants. It's running the show anyway so I'm gonna ride it out for now and check the status in March. Happen to be birthday month so it'll be a good present to give me :);

    Oh well bedtime.... hopefully ha. Man these tablets take forever to try and post/ type huh? I'm going back to 2 cans and a string. ;D
    Lights on.
     
  12. Chasin' it

    Chasin' it Well-Known Member

    top of the morning
    Well that was a freaky night. I had read around here about "drug dreams" of varying types and intensity etc. Well for the first time I had one. Not thoughts of getting them. I used to keep my empty bottles in the nightstand drawer so if I forgot when I had filled the last one I could check the date and know how to space it out. Ridiculous I know let alone stupid beyond belief!

    So anyway in this dream I was standing over a box of empty's and thought to myself man that was a lot of bottles. Might not be too dramatic but it never has happened before. On the positive side they were empty...so still clean. Btw there has been a script for a week that I haven't picked up..and won't. I had dropped it when I was close to running out. My wife wanted to go get it "just in case your head goes off". I told her she can't due to laws which is true, we live in the pill capital of the country and they are cracking down but that's another topic.
    As a bonus I had to go to the drug store yesterday. Could have gone to that one but why "lay the tracks" (thanks Melan). Didn't think about it again the rest of the day-that's cool huh?
    Recently my wife had to put all the records of the surgeries together. The stack of paperwork is literally 6" high no exaggeration. I see people going into the doc and saying 8 or whatever on the pain scale. i hated filling out that form. I always felt guilty about sayin 4/5. That's only because I have had some unbelievable insane pain and laid in bed for three days before going to the dr. stupid I know I know. that was the brain blowout. Head was literally gonna blow off and I was to stupid to as to go the dr. that was long before this circus. My problem was I would walk in and they just saw my history and out comes the pad. Now I see why. Christ you should have seen this stack of paperwork.
    Then on the news this am Nick Boniconti's son was on tv. You may recall that he was paralyzed 20+yrs ago in a football game. They have the Miami project and are going to find a way to give people their life back. I'm thinking now that is rough. My stuff I am sure I will be able to deal with and I will. Hell if Melan can be walking north and his knee cap pointing east I can deal with whatever comes up, and i will. I have another hip replacement the one I have is like 17yrs old they are supposed to last 10 or something when I had it done. I was young and active at the time. So huge blessing to have gone this long.
    Lastly, I got in about 4hrs last night so that'll have to do and I feel pretty good still. Gettin a little of that heavy arms deal but it's not like they are dangling by a tendon so I'll be ok. I am gonna run now and go be productive. Lights still on and headed that way :)
     
  13. Robyn

    Robyn Well-Known Member

    Sounds like this has been one hell of a ride for you, Chasin it.

    Have you told all your doctors about your addiction problem? I've had chronic migraine for 20+ years, sometimes everday for months. I finally told my docs not to prescribe me opiates anymore. They reallly weren't helping my headaches anyway.

    Hey and four hours of sleep isn't too bad this early on...keep moving forward. You're doing great.
     
  14. Inhishands(Heather)

    Inhishands(Heather) Well-Known Member

    Hey Chasin' it, Paws for me so far has not been that bad & its only uphill from this point YAY! but anyways about the depression I too have read some serious stories on depression however I only had 1 day that I got down, well down right manic I might say, but other than that; none. I am a high spirited person, always was until the opiates came along so now that I am off of them may be why I am , well otherwise happy most days. I am in the horse business, well I don't sale them but I have them as pets. I only have a few small horses, 2 ponies & 2 jack ***'s. So recently I went above & beyond & bought me a Clydesdale, yep a 2200 lb 19hh Clydesdale. There considered to be the gentle giant & boy are they ever. He is keeping me busy all in his self. He eats 50-60 lbs of hay a day when he isn't grazing & 4 gallons of sweet feed & around 30 gallons of water. I was telling someone on here a while back that while on methadone that I had neglected my animals, not neglecting in a way of physical but just not playing with them no more. All I was doing was feeding them & that was it. Now if your wondering why I am going on about my sweet babies I will tell ya. They are my treatment for PAWS, now that I am clear headed & getting back to my old self I have fell in love with them all over again. Not to mention I have 3 daughters that likes to show them in horse shows. I am trying to keep my girls busy as they say a daughter of a drug addicted mother is 4 times as likely to become a drug addict. So I am trying to keep my girls busy & push them for there own passion in life. My youngest 2 of course is horse crazy and can ride that Clyde with no fear. You say you live in the pill capital, so I had to go to your profile to see your state, your right. Here in Ky we had a huge drug epidemic & we had a Federal funded team come in & try to deal with it, well I should say tax payer funded. Having all these coal mines & miners there comes a lot of pain. The doctors & pharma came in here like bees on honey & was writing RX's one after another. Its not as bad now with the RX writing but a lot of whats coming in now is from Fl. People are driving from Ky to Fl for RX's. Its in the media all the time. Another way that I am dealing with Paws is I am taking all the essential amino acids for my CNS (brain) & for help with possible depression I went the natural route as well, I take L-Tyrosine in the morning & 5-htp @ night. Both are natural & the body needs them. Normal people if there is a such thing already produces these or is taken in by certain foods. While people like us that have came off opiates have a damaged CNS & well its all out of whack & needs all the help it can get..There is also a more detailed recipe if you want to look it up, its called the Thomas recipe & well I started it when I detoxed off of methadone & continued to through the initial w/d phase. I am only now taking a partial of that recipe as my CNS is starting to work more now. Hang in there buddy & oh don't forget to turn that light switch off your gonna have an outrageous electric bill..lol
     
  15. Carol09

    Carol09 Well-Known Member

    Hey Chasin it, I hope you are having a good day. I here ya about the drug, dreams...I had some strange ones for sure!
    Thanks for the well thought out n kind post you sent me....it did really help. So thanks for taking the time.

    Things all worked out, but was a bit late for my mom, but the doctor was about 20 minutes behind schedule, so it didn't even matter that we were a few minutes late.

    Also, since my prev. doctor fired me for going of the oxyz cold turkey, don't know if you know this but ya, he fired me, and my mom's doctor agreed to take me on, though she is not accepting new patients, so that was good. BUT this doctor was the first one to put me on oxyz over 2 years ago....long story there...and was afraid that I might leave with a script for a narcotic....big trigger there, but ya know, I wasn't even tempted. Told her I got off them about a month ago and am done with them. Unlike my other doctor, she was happy that I was off. My husband and I are taking communion almost every night at home, and it's helping with the pains, cravings, and saying no....I wouldn't have mentioned this, except that I read what you wrote on 'good ol boys' thread :) Maybe that is something you might want to incorporate into your life now...you and your wife and do it together, or you can do it yourself. If you have any questions about this, come on over and ask or you can PM me. It's a great tool that He left us :)

    Anyway, hope this post finds you well ! My bubonic plague seems to be lifting....YA YA



    you're doin fabulous!!!!
     
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2012
  16. Chasin' it

    Chasin' it Well-Known Member

    Top of the morning
    Don't have a lot of time. All good cruising along. No nutty dreams so that's cool. Might have something to do with only a few hrs sleep lol.
    good day yesterday legs got a little heavy. I keep hearing to excersise and I can see how that will be a great thing to add into the new habits etc. so that was my workout haha. Told myself I had leg weights on lol. Up until this point in life (as an adult anyway). My idea of a workout was to fill the bathtub pull the plug and fight the current. Not to sure about running due to the hip deal.

    Anyone see the ending of that game last night? come on NFL this is a joke.

    Any long timers that have dealt with pain and pills have any idea how long the rebound pain lasts?

    that's all she wrote...lights on and I'm headed that way. I hope your day goes just they way ya want. Check back later.
    Oh Carol....I hate to say "told ya so"...but....very cool :)
     
  17. Carol09

    Carol09 Well-Known Member

    Hey there,

    I need a lot of 'I told you so's " lol.....On opiz I knew everything..so I thought LOL...now I wish I knew half of what I thought I knew.....I think of myself as a student of life....learning how to live....live without the dope....I have to humble myself daily ask for direction and take the appropriate action....as a lot have said here, ' do the next right thing'. I am not a long timer, but I found that for me, I noticed an approvment in the rebound pain at about 3 weeks...not all gone but a big improvement...gets better all the time....nothing is a straight line but improvement in the upward direction.

    BTW Your Tampa baseball team totally creamed our Toronto Blue Jays 12 - 1 on the weekend.......Geeeeeeez.....Wanna go back to the mid 90's when we won the championship back 2 back 2 yrs in a row....and really didn't know the different between a tylenol 3 and an advil....no going back, so I will take step by step forward, one day at a time :) Have 40 plus days now, doing recovery a day at a time...

    Anyway, hope your are having a good day :)
     
  18. Chasin' it

    Chasin' it Well-Known Member

    Hi Odr peeps
    Kinda busy which is awesome. So far I feel like I have a new toy:) THis new (well old me as how I used to feel before the cap cracking) is pretty cool. What I mean is that I feel more clear headed. I could really use a good Knife remover though. But I'm just gonna have to learn to deal with it. And that'll be that.

    Leg weights must have fallen off so I guess I gotta find a new exercise.

    Ya know it dawned on me this morning that I don't want to make this seam like a cakewalk. I mean I really do feel good so far a lot better than I thought I would (James Brown) I don't even want to pretend that I have all the answers. Hell I don't even know the questions, all I know is that it really does seem to be a mind Fk. Maybe it's cause l have done this little dance every month for close to 12 yrs so nothing really feels any different than what I've done for years. Only now I feel like I have a reason to do it and stay clean where before I didn't really see why I should bother with it if that makes any sense at all? Does to me. When the wife said you seem happier. I didn't even know I wasn't now how stupid am I? Pretty stupid. So after thinking on this for however long it just seems stupid to keep takin this crap if I don't have too.

    Please know that I have more respect than I can even put into words for everyone that really struggles and who knows I maybe looking for a tall tree carrying a short rope in a couple months. I just don't see the point dwelling on that part of this healing. The stories that are these threads are amazing to me. Take someone like Parachute. I'm one that loves true stories. True crime Rock Docs and such. When I read his story you should have seen me when he found a pill I think it was and the Friggin garbage truck is coming down the road...to chase or not to chase..I'm thinkin "go man" haha AND HE DID IT!!! AWESOME! Tell me there's no God lol THen Melan's inspirational story was major in my decision to say the least. Someone needs to make a movie. I just wanted to get that out. Don't go by me, I'm only a little over a week so what do I know.

    Ok to important stuff. The Rays are phycho...can't hit all year then hit like they are in the church softball league. go figure.

    Heather that is way cool with the horses. I do have just one question though. What's the deal with girls and horses. I remember in elem. school there were girls drawing horses all the time. I saw a guy that was in the band at a Bucs game years ago. Ya know how they make 2 lines as if the teams run through? So this high school band performs at halftime and they had some kind of giant white horses I forget the name. They come out do their little show and then they are gonna run out of the stadium through the lines. One of the horses MOWS DOWN that last few kids in the band as he was running out. Now it was only funny as hell since nobody got real hurt. I couldn't help but think that the kids mom probably wouldn't let him play ball so he wouldn't get hurt. So he plays tuba or whatever and gets mowed down in front of 70k people. hahaha no cell phones video or it would have gone viral. I stress the kid didn't get hurt, it was in the paper next day.
    I really gotta go. I always make these to long anyway, I hope your day rocks,
    Lights still on and I'm still headed that way, Thanks for reading if ya did. Might be back later? Trying to stay busy as I can.
     
  19. Chasin' it

    Chasin' it Well-Known Member

    Another day down and when all the regs talk about how it gets better I'm beginning to think they may be onto something. For the first time in God knows how long someone cooked my supper. Guess who, my girlfriend. Nah I'm goofing the wife. Gets better.I didn't grab a plate and take off to eat alone. Who knew how cool that could be. Another day down, i think I'm gonna get another one. I think I see a light up ahead... think I'll go that way. Lights on come on out with me. Warning its bright when your pupils aren't pinned. Who knew?
     
  20. Inhishands(Heather)

    Inhishands(Heather) Well-Known Member

    Glad to here that your still up & at it! Your question about girls & horses, well I don't know about everyone else that loves them but my reason is short & sweet "the only thing in life that matters; breathes" & that's what I am trying to teach my girls, so hopefully they will not have to learn the hard way like I did! Hang in there brother, you will make it :)
     

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