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Getting clean with your partner

Discussion in 'Narcotics Anonymous' started by CreamyBeatsChunky, May 26, 2011.

  1. CreamyBeatsChunky

    CreamyBeatsChunky New Member

    They say it's tougher to get clean while with someone who's going through it at the same time, you're both sick so one can't take care of the other, if one relapses the other is sure to follow, and while detoxing, emotions tend to run a little higher.
    Here is an actual (text) conversation between my girlfriend and I. I'm posting it to show you how up and down emotions can get while detoxing (we're 5 days into a 10 day suboxone detox) everything is good with us, but it's definitely difficult to do as a couple! (she's totally worth it though :)
    M is me
    H is her
    Here we go...

    M- Im at a NA meeting!!!

    H-Huh? W who and why?

    M-By myself, and because I wanted to.*

    H-Damn!!! I was gonna ask u to put a tarp on my moped

    H-Getting a crazy storm

    M-Really? Uh oh... I rode here :( I'm only on orange st. Though.*

    H-Honey I sorta wish you woulda waited for 'me to do something like that- we are supposed to being going thru this together

    M-We can, I don't see how me going to one is a bad thing.*

    H-Yeah it's a tornado

    M-Crap, that sucks

    M-Or blows... Lol

    H-I have to say that I find it a bit strange that u just randomly went to it

    M-Well, that's what happened, what's strange about it?

    H-R u pulling a fight club kinda thing!? Ha

    H-Dude no lie it's about to get crazy it's scary outside

    M-What?! Honey, you should be happy that im doing this, I'm a little upset that you're not being more supportive :(

    M-I'm gonna go before it gets bad.*

    H-Guess there's really not much I can say is there. It is what it is.. I'm a little hurt that you would do that without including 'me. Have a nice night

    M-Are you being serious? You'd rather I sit at home and watch tv over going to a NA meeting?!!

    H-I feel like ur not being supportive of us doing this kind of stuff as a couple!

    H-Have u met people


    H-Dumb question

    H-Ur gonna get stuck there it's starting to rain

    H-No I'd prefer u included 'me in that decision

    H-But **** it

    M-**** this, I've met no one, I've been by your side the whole time!*

    M-Great, thank you for being like this, I'm leaving now, hope you're happy.*

    H-Haha uhhhhh it's probably in ur best interest to do so- unless u wanna be stuck there all night

    H-Do what you want

    M-I'm home

    H-I'm sorry..my intention was not to be unsupportive..should I not express that I'm feeling a bit like you did something that would have been nice to do w 'me and not on a whim all by yourself. I'm hurt by that, you didn't even mention it to 'me...I just feel like it wasn't considerate

    H-It a positive step- a big decision- and you left 'me out of it:( oh well

    H-Hope ur safe

    H-R u soaked?

    H-Hey why don't u just go back? We don't have to do things together. Perhaps I was wrong in thinking that way. Idk- I was told that it's almost impossible to get clean together unless you work at it together.. I want to.

    H-I don't why, but it hurt my feelings.

    M-****, I decided to look into NA meetings in *********, I saw one that started in 15 minutes and thought "better than laying in bed!" and decided to hop on the bike and go, if you would have done the same while I was at work I would be proud of you, not upset. I'm taking recovery seriously, you should be happy, but instead you made me feel like I was doing something wrong... By going to an NA meeting!! You go to the bar without me all the time, but I do something positive and I get flack? That actually hurts me more than you can imagine. Its not like you and I couldn't do it together the next day or something!

    H-Why didn't you consider my feelings, this is hard for 'me...you didn't even talk about it before doing it. Can you see where I'm coming from at all, or am I being stupid?

    M-We are doing this together! You're at work, I'm at home, how is me sitting here better than going to one?*

    H-Are u going to answer my question in my last text?

    M-Baby, I decided to go last minute, I actually thought you would be proud of me for going over sitting at home in bed watching tv!*

    M-So yes, I did consider you!

    H-Honestly ****.. Yes it was a positive step, but I feel it was a negative step to do it without 'me when we are supposedly in this together. That was not a together step

    M-Okay ****. I'm sorry.*

    M-I'm at home now, you can stop worrying that I'm doing this without you.*

    H-No you didn't! Considering 'me.. Would be seeing that there were meetings and discussing it and saying honey, I think we should go to one, not just going without 'me. I'm actually upset now.. Sorta sucks bc I was in a good mood

    H-Doesn't matter, u already made that step, just you. You have no idea how that makes 'me feel.

    M-I was going to let this go, but I have to ask, how is what I did wrong? How is me going to a meeting while you're at work a bad thing? How is that me not considering you? You're basically saying that you think it's better for you and I that I stay at home and not go to a meeting? ****, we're doing this together, but how is me holding off going to a meeting beneficial? What's the difference between me sitting here tonight and us going to a meeting tomorrow or me going to one tonight and us going to a meeting tomorrow? Either way we go to one together, it's not like it puts me a step ahead of you or something. Like I said, I would of been proud of you if you did this while I was at work, and I thought you would of been proud if me.*
    But I guess I ****** up, so I'm sorry. We'll go to the next one together, they happen every night of the week almost so we'll catch one some other time.*

    H-Honey you know what I'm sorry- the more I'm sitting here thinking I just feel badly<3 I love you! I'm sorry I felt hurt. I'm ok.. I hope u r ok. It's not the end of the world

    H-Wow I wish I woulda sent my message sooner

    H-Ur last text just upset 'me again

    M-What? My last text was saying we'll catch the next one!!

    H-Yeah guess what I would have preferred you waited! Bc no matter what u say!!!! U went to the 1st one without 'me! That is not ******* teamwork dude!

    M-I give up. You're not even trying to see it from my side. Look at what we're arguing about... Really? You're all about asking other people their feelings on our business, please, I implore you, ask ANYONE if what I did was wrong in ANY way, please. Because I looked at it from your side, and I can't see why you would be upset.*

    H-That's a big step and yes! I think I should have been included! Especially bc it was the first time! Am I an idiot!? No just wasn't considered in a matter that WE should be doing together. If you don't understand why that hurts 'me, than I suppose we have two very different views on what it means to be a couple and achieve greatness as a couple. Going through a positive change TOGETHER does not = doing something alone the very first time.

    H-Ok than I guess I'm gonna do it alone. Bc that how u choose to do things. I don't feel that u should have left 'me out of the first time.

    M-Seriously, I surrender. I'm sorry ****.*

    H-No actually I just don't wanna think about it anymore. I take back everything I said

    H-You can go to them anytime you want. Haha did you have to get up and be like- hi I'm **** and I'm getting off opiates ect.?

    M-I was there for like 5 minutes before all I was focused on was my phone, so no.*

    H-I shouldn't get so emotional, I apologize for not being more kind about the situation.

    H-I don't know why it had a hurtful effect on 'me...I shouldn't have made you feel bad about doing something positive for yourself. I hope you can forgive 'me for behaving the way I did.

    H-I'm gonna be ready to leave here soon, what would you like to do?

    M-I honestly thought you would of been proud of me. I'm sorry.*
  2. jdude

    jdude Well-Known Member

    The first question when deciding on recovery is why? If you're not doing it for yourself, you may have issues that can derail it.
    Focus on your recovery...her on hers. The relationship will follow.

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