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going to get off sub

Discussion in 'Detoxing From Buprenorphine/Subutex/Suboxone' started by Bonita, Sep 18, 2008.

  1. Bonita

    Bonita Well-Known Member

    Well, HELLO my buddies,

    Here it is july and just went through a flood dose of Ibogaine due to my struggles, dis-ease with self, trouble focusing, but the worse thing was that damn addict chic that STILL lives in my head. Let me make it clear that I am well aware that the following is just an excuse presenting as a trigger... total shit.

    Ive been really struggling with the politics of this country. If I hear "roll back" one more time I just might remove the TV from my house. I dont want to talk politics here, not why site here. Better idea to just remove the tv. Nonetheless, here I am again having to face my own truths. I hit my 8th yr free of opiates. This is truly a blessing but must admit I was in a huge struggle for some time to make it. It was wearing me down. I promised myself before I give up on self/life I would do another flood of Ibogaine... so I did get it set up, followed through. This is also proof that this wonderful plant is NOT a cure, just opportunity. Seconds away from giving up on life, I had another tx. She was not so gentle on my ass this time. Slammed my soul against the wall more then once. Still working on what was real and what was a dream and Im a few weeks away from it. Could be my age or just in better shape then I was the first flood dose 8 yrs ago but man.... tore me up. I have tried to sit and write what I "visioned" but still cry like a baby till I cant see to type... just cant put it in writing yet. But I did live through it, had my MD friend dose, provide safe environment for me, wore him and partner out. Not sure he will ever offer again. LOL. Cant say I blame him either. But very grateful he came to my rescue just because I asked him too.

    Im slowly getting back on my feet but for sure this tx was able to quiet that addict in my head, spirit and soul. I am at peace again. I cant tell you guys how I wish I could claim that this plant is a cure... its not and I know it. I am so very grateful for it, what it can do for us addicts. I wish it would just be the cure I sometimes read on the net people claim. Its just so dangerous to tell someone this... because no matter how long we dont drug, how much we grow up... we are still that person who made bad choices no matter how long ago and developed/fed that addictive personality. We must always be on guard not to fall back into that old behavior.

    anyways... glad to be alive, here on earth and actually glad to be in the USA, to my surprise. I have to remember my favorite prayer, The Serenity prayer. I have to keep it in the fore front of my head. Digest its words and really learn to live them.


    Sorry Ive missed answering a few P.m.s I did LOVE hearing from you guys. Just till now didnt have it in me to log on, read and yet to answer anyone.

    So... wanted to say Im still around, free of active addiction, VERY grateful for those who came to my rescue 9 yrs ago at this site. Back hitting my meetings, spending time with my life coach, my old sponsor again and loving on my dog. Trying my best NOT to watch the news, staying away from political conversations, remembering whats important in life.

    I hope this finds you all moving forward, those in struggle of active addiction... willing to do whatever it takes to rid yourself of dependency... so worth the work involved. So worth the struggle, pain and prices we have to pay. There is light on the other side of that narrow looking tunnel. Im living proof.

    Bonita
     

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