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Guess What Happened

Discussion in 'Heroin ~ Addiction and Recovery' started by donaldstrike, Feb 13, 2014.

  1. donaldstrike

    donaldstrike Well-Known Member

    lo again
    "enough is enough" another phrase i say to myself practically every other day.
    i feel free and ready to quit (at least for some time - never say never) as long as my receptors are partially filled with these damn chemicals.
    as soon as they (receptors) become free from them (chemicals) i don't feel so free and ready anymore ... eventually i feel looked and stuck in addiction
    to be honest i was waiting again for something that will never happen - an easy way out
    i'm afraid of all those ****ing sleepless nights (seasoned with physical & emotional pain) in front of me ... driving my nuts
    but i'm more afraid of a meaningless life in front of me if i continue what i'm doing - it's nothing more than slowly dying in regret
    life surely isn't about waiting anxious and in agony for the next fake fix just to feel somewhat normal
    for me there is no reason to use except to avoid withdrawals anymore ...
    i fear to lose something defining me ... filling my day with activity - even if it's nonsense
    in particular i fear to lose the last thing that will last once in full blown addiction - always running behind it ... **** it!!!
    it's about time to get my real life back - use it or lose it
    once again ... there is only left a shadow of myself wandering in foggy fake wonderland - my life has definitely lost its colors
    and it will become really dark but clear at the beginnig of my detox while i'm literally freezed in my little cave
    but it will become dark anyway ... either reversible if i quit or not if i continue using
    i want the colors back ... every day at least one - even if i can't see them until i reach my cave's exit
    there was/is always light there - isn't it? ... i'm on my way
    encouragement (torch) is much appreciated ... thanks in advance
    i don't know why but there is still left an incoherent and tremendous amount of (unrealistic?) hope for the better
    while i'm failing 99% ... i'm wondering where this hope is coming from - too ignorant to learn/lose hope i guess
    i won't be able to update every day with a nouvel (fortunately) but i will post my countdown to freedom
    2 weeks - 14 days - 336 hours ... hmmm - i hate it to count detox-hours
    334 hours to go
    294 hours to go
     
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2014
  2. sailormom

    sailormom Well-Known Member

    Maybe its time to check in to a long term rehab. That maybe your only way to freedom.
     
  3. sailormom

    sailormom Well-Known Member

    It's been way over 30 days since we have heard from you, how are you doing? Don't let the Holidays get to you and keep in touch please.
     
  4. sailormom

    sailormom Well-Known Member

    Hope you had a Merry Christmas, and hope we hear from the new you or the old you in the New Year
     
  5. Fox face

    Fox face Moderator

    Hi DS! I'm Hoping the lack of communication is due to you being ashamed that your still stuck, although, I'm praying that your not, but that YOU ARE OK!! We do care about you!
     
  6. sailormom

    sailormom Well-Known Member

    Please DS don't be ashamed to us that is what we are here for. Foxface and I are very worried about you, and so are the others.
     
  7. donaldstrike

    donaldstrike Well-Known Member

    hello my friends
    please don't worry ... i'm not ashamed of my situation (still trying :)) but i still feel like i'm repeating myself
    and i've nothing good to offer as long as i'm not halfway out of this vicious circle (we all know)
    no good spirits around me lately but i try to maintain my health somehow
    i'm nowhere near a dangerous situation except my current or next cold turkey will kill me - highly doubtable
    i'll never give up giving up - i hope you understand ...
    thank you very much for caring & i hope to be back soon
     
  8. Fox face

    Fox face Moderator

    Hi DS! I just wanted to drop by and give you some positive vibes:). You can come join us, you know? I am absolutely positive you'll love being free! It takes time, but you know that. Pls try again. Start small and work your way up. We know you can do it! some times we have to make our own sunshine:)
     
  9. sailormom

    sailormom Well-Known Member

    Hey D.S
    Been thnking about you lately and how you are doing. As you may remember last Sunday was one year since my baby boy died from this demon, so this has been rough week for me but I always think about you and how you are doing. Please check in Fox face and I worry about you and so do the others.
     
  10. Fox face

    Fox face Moderator

    Hi DS! I hope this finds you!?!?! Your impact was great:):). Hugs, Hugs, {{{Hugs}}} from your other moms!
     
  11. sailormom

    sailormom Well-Known Member

    We miss you, I am feeling down this week and missing my son, I wish I knew how you are doin.
     
  12. donaldstrike

    donaldstrike Well-Known Member

    Hello my dear friends
    I miss you too and i'm really sorry for my absence.
    Unfortunately i'm still not clean yet and once more without internet.
    It happens when you spend all your money to ...
    But i'm nowhere near to give up giving up
    I hope to be back clean & sober asap
    Thank you :)
     
  13. sailormom

    sailormom Well-Known Member

    Glad to hear from you and just keep trying and try to stay positive.
     

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