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Discussion in 'Heroin ~ Addiction and Recovery' started by MemoryGap, Mar 16, 2015.

  1. MemoryGap

    MemoryGap Active Member

    I'm MemoryGap. I have been using heroin for 3 years, on and off. I first tried it when I was at a party, didn't really think a lot of it, and only did it a handful of times after that. After that, I got into a serious relationship with someone who drank heavily. So while she was drinking, I started using skag heavily. And started drinking a lot too . It wasn't a great relationship and getting high and off my face made me forget about how unhappy I really was with her,must felt trapped into being with her. When I broke free from her after a year I was left with not only a drug habit but a drinking one too.
    I moved back in with my parents for a while, and did it in my bedroom, sneaking drink and drugs into the house , staying awake all night doing skag and drinking beers, then getting up for work in the morning on no sleep probably every other night. Now finally come to a head that I do not want to feel like this anymore. Please someone talk to me.
  2. peacenik

    peacenik Administrator

    Hi memory gap. Welcome. And I think your post says that you understand a few things. Most importantly that you need to change and that switching from drugs to alcohol is no help at all.
    So, yes it's tough to quit. Depending how bad your habit is you may need a stay in rehab. But you can do it.

    I was equally messed up, shooting heroin, and drinking beer. I went on methadone but that just enabled me to switch to other drugs along with it. I kicked it all and have been clean and sober since 1987.
    I've had a great life. You can too but it takes that 100% commitment to stay clean, cutting down, or switching to just beer or marijuana never worked for me. In time though, you don't miss drugs not even a little bit.

    Best of luck
  3. spring

    spring Administrator

    Hi and Welcome to ODR! I see that you have been exploring the forums and finding your way around the board. I found this post in another thread and wanted to comment...
    Hey, I understand the way you feel but the doctors arent there to judge you, they are there to help you. These days doctors are very used to seeing and treating addicts so they are used to it and besides, being an addict doesnt automatically mean you are a bad person, you are a sick person and you need help to get well.
    Its not clear if you have been using heroin daily so I dont know if you have a physical habit or if its more mental, but either way, please seek help now before that 3 years turns into 5 years then 10 years, etc.
  4. MemoryGap

    MemoryGap Active Member

    first off, thank you so much for your response, for i need someone to talk to about my situation today. Anyway, it's hard to quit. I did it a verry long time ago, but i found my self crawling to do drugs again. and the rest is history, back to base 1. i understand that for able being sober, one must commit himself/herself to quiting alone. But just like what i said, i find it very hard. i can manage not to do drugs for a week, even not to drink for a month, but when the crave is building up, my addiction will become worst. I will ended up taking more drugs and drinking more can and cans of beers. i'm so messed up.
  5. MemoryGap

    MemoryGap Active Member

    Hi Spring! thanks for the heads up! i really appreciate it a lot :)

    Is it how ironically that i can give advice to someone, yet i can help myself? i laughed my butt out after commented that lol. But seriously, i'd been in a lot of pain this past few years. Been through a lot of hardships, meet lot of people who i trusted my life with, but in the end they all the same, same mask, will judge you when you are not around and will beat your emotion down to pulp. Maybe it's hard for me to trust anyone around for now. i know, that is my main problem, and i am working it our now. wish me luck buddy :)
  6. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome.

    How ow often are you using the alcohol? I don't really even have to ask about the H, because I already know it is a daily thing (or I assume it is anyway...). But are you also using alcohol every day?

    Using H and then drinking on top of it, you are really playing with Fire my man. I've lost a couple of real good friends that way. Both depress your breathing and it's only a matter of time before you don't wake up...

    So, the real question is - what are you willing to do to get clean? I know you say you don't want to use anymore. But what is your plan of action? Saying it and doing it are 2 very different things!
    Its very good that you have the desire to get clean. That the 1st step. But now you have to put that into action. dont push off to tomorrow what you can do today. I think all us addicts do that - "oh, I'll start to cut down tomorrow" or "I'll quit tomorrow". It's easy to say when we are high, but when we start feeling sick, all that goes out the window...

    why not start going to some NA or AA meetings? Or maybe come clean to your parents and ask for their help. Or call a suboxone doctor. Or a rehab. Or check yourself in to the county hospital (they usually have beds for people in withdrawal and give you a little suboxone and other meds for alcohol). Or throw away your dealers numbers, change your phone number. Cut all contact with them.
    There are lots of possible first steps. I hope to see you take one!

    life without drugs is so much better. It really is. It takes a while to get to that point, but it's totally worth the fight. Not to feel those cravings anymore is amazing. Not to have to worry about copping or getting sick. Or sticking yourself and feeling so dirty. Or not wanting to do anything but get high, having your whole life revolve around that drug. I don't miss that at all!
    Oh, and actually feeling all those little emotions again is amazing. I especially enjoy listening to music and feeling it. That and not feeling so depressed all the time anymore. That is also great. I. Oils go on for days about how much better being sober is...

    You our can always find some excuse to continue using. But when you are serious about getting clean, there can be no excuse good enough to use... It has to be treated as a life or death thing, because it really is.

    anyway, just my 2 cents for whatever it's worth. I hope you join us on the other side!
  7. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    Oh, one more thing - as far as not wanting to tell the doctors, you don't absolutely Have To tell them you use heroin. You could just say that you got addicted to pain pills and alcohol. But like spring said, they deal with addiction much more these days and it's not the stigma it used to be. Opiate addiction is an epidemic now a days.
  8. spring

    spring Administrator

    This is where NA/AA meetings come in handy. Its almost impossible to stay clean without help from others, at least in the beginning. Getting the drugs and alcohol out of your body are only the start of this process we call recovery.
    There is so much more to it. We must learn to STAY clean. We "learned" addiction by literally creating a pathway in the brain to the point of feeling abnormal without the drug. Now its time to learn how to live without the drug and allow that pathway to close...learn a "new" normal...and this is where the meetings help. We have to learn how to deal with those cravings.
    The honest truth is that the longer you stay away from the drugs, the less you will crave them. The obsession turns into fleeting thoughts of using and after awhile even those thoughts go away.
  9. MemoryGap

    MemoryGap Active Member

    hi, thanks for taking up your time to response, i really appreciate it.

    as for your question, i'm planning to drop the skug completely (yes, you are right for the daily basis, but i'm trying to cut if off.), today, i manage not snort one, thanks to the all the angels above for that. And i will definitely do it again tomorrow. So, my target is, to not do it one day at a time, until i can live a week without it. same goes for the alcohol. Planning to seek help from friends, maybe i will attend to some AA, but not quite sure about it. So i will keep ypu all updated whenever i can. Hopefully, i can summon all the might i have to seek a medicatioal help/ probably that will be my last resort.
  10. MemoryGap

    MemoryGap Active Member

    yep that's a part of my plan. Luckily, i do have some friends, who knows how AA is, or how it works. I'm planning to attend, but like what i said, got some hesitations issue. Not sure about it.

    i know i must get off to drugs as soon as possible, i love to, but it is just hard for me right now. I'm doing all i can. I'm putting all my best on it.
  11. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    Just wondering how you were doing today, use wise. You had said yesterday that you had not done any heroin and planned to not use again today, if I understood you correctly...? Or were you saying that you only used once yesterday?

    How many times a day do you normally use? Is it a big habit or a smaller one? Are you able to go cold turkey and skip days or do you need to use a certain amount a day to avoid getting sick? Just trying to better understand what you are facing...

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