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Hope

Discussion in 'Detoxing From Pain Meds' started by kdgtlg, May 5, 2010.

  1. kdgtlg

    kdgtlg Well-Known Member

    I've been around ODR for quite a while - I don't post much anymore but I do try to read when I can. I want to offer hope to those of you just coming out of the hell of addiction, those of you are trying to summon the strength to get clean, and those that aren't trying yet but you're reading about it.

    I've been C&S for 6 months and that in itself is such a source of hope and light to me. I never thought I could make it 6 days, much less 6 months. Life is so much better now - I no longer worry about running out of pills, how I can con the doctor into an early refill, who I can steal from to make it until the next refill...we all know the drill. I don't have to stress out that I might have left a pill in a pants pocket or dropped one in the car that my husband will find and question me about. I am free to come and go as I please, not hide my pills in 10 different places so I'll always have some available. It is such a joy to live life without being chained to a pill bottle and to know that my husband and daughters are getting me, not a zombie.

    I don't want to give the impression that every day is easy and carefree and filled with sunshine and roses...life just doesn't work that way. I will say, however, that even a bad day now is better than my best day when I was using. I am getting to the point now that I have energy to do the things I want to do and the things I need to do - it was a long time coming. When I was going thru early detox and withdrawal, it was a huge struggle just to get out of bed and get ready for work. I trudged through the days with every little task seemingly monumental - I did what I had to do to get back home and crash on the couch. But I did it. Gradually, the days started getting better and better. It takes time, and lots of it, but you will never regret the time you invest in getting sober.


    Much love to all,

    T
     
    Mike123 likes this.
  2. Joplinfrk

    Joplinfrk Well-Known Member

    Great post. I just passed two years and three months and still I remain vigilant. Go to my meetings for support and pay it forward to the next scared addict that wants help. No, not every day is easy, like k said, but you'll learn to deal with life on lifes terms.

    There is hope!
     
  3. teach07

    teach07 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the post T......I could not agree with you more. A close friend of mine just got out of treatment today and I will be taking her to a meeting with me tonite. I need to remember what it was like fresh out of detox and what better way than to help someone who is right where I was not too long ago. I am coming up on 18 moths clean and like you said ,everyday isnt a bed of roses but compared to the viciuos cycle of active addiction....well lets just say there is NO comparison....thanks again...


    Carol
     
  4. Joplinfrk

    Joplinfrk Well-Known Member

    And it's true when they say that when you're sober, your worst day is a hundred times better than your best day using.
     
  5. fenderman

    fenderman Well-Known Member

    Just read my signature....it's been up there since day one thanks to Mic :)

    Congrats KD on 6 months.....huge accomplishment.....and Jop....I just passed the 2 year 4 months mark....woo hoo to us both.....keep trying to catch me LOL.....we are pushing each other and both are an inspiration to each other......so here are 3 success stories!! Wanna be the fourth?? :)



    Bobby
     
  6. this is it

    this is it Well-Known Member

    Very positive stuff from all three! I am number four =)
     
  7. Friend2U

    Friend2U Well-Known Member

    KD
    What do you do to stay clean & sober?
     
  8. fenderman

    fenderman Well-Known Member

    What do we do to stay clean and sober!! For me personally, I closed the book on that chapter....but, I always play back in my head the moments from when I decided enough was enough right through to my 30 day mark.....this keeps the pain and suffering I endured regarding withdrawals and what comes with it fresh on my mind!! You see, your mind becomes complacent and that is when your addiction can start sneaking up on you.....always stay a step ahead, by never forgetting the pain and suffering while using and quitting.....no rocket science here....no quick fixes......just keep it real, 'cause real is living drug free! All the best!!! :)


    Bobby
     
  9. kdgtlg

    kdgtlg Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry that I didn't see your question before today! I'm not on ODR as much as I used to be...

    As simple as it sounds, the main thing I do to stay C&S is I don't pick up - no matter what. I keep the pain and anxiety and misery of detox & withdrawal fresh in my mind. I never want to feel that way again and by simply not picking up, I don't ever have to.

    I have several people in my life that have legitimate needs for pain meds and I thought it would be a real struggle to stay out of their pills. This last time that I quit, I found it wasn't hard at all. I don't ever have to waste another vacation or sick day due to dope sickness, I don't have to feel that self-loathing that I felt when I took other peoples meds, I don't have to wait for my pills to kick in to feel like getting up and doing something - as long as I don't pick up.

    I found myself avoiding situations that were triggers for me - the dentist, the doctor, etc. because I thought I wouldn't be strong enough to be there without having major cravings. One at a time, I faced the things that were hard for me and walked out without scripts. That gave me a confidence in myself that I hadn't felt for a long time. One good action leades to another that leads to another and after a while, I know there's nothing I can't handle.

    I don't go to AA or NA but I do have a fantastic support system. My husband is always there for me and I meet with a group of ladies every Monday night for bible study and what I would consider talk therapy. No subject is off limits and we are supportive of one another in whatever they need - some days it's help with crabby teenagers, other days it's crying on one another's shoulders about losing a family member, still other days one of us may be struggling with an addiction. This board is awesome, but having a real person to talk to is something that can't be replicated on a discussion board. And being able to be of service to another person that is struggling, in whatever way that they are, this the best therapy of all - for me at least.

    I'm not sure where you are on your journey, sorryone, and I'm not sure if anything I've said here will be any help but if it does, that makes me very happy! I am always thrilled to help anyone that is struggling because there are so many people on this board that helped me when I needed it the most.

    Love,

    T
     
  10. minigirl17

    minigirl17 Member

    thanks for the words of inspiration T,

    It's nice to hear stories of ppl that have made it through the detox/ wd stage, and staying c/s. I can only hope at this point that i will be one of those ppl soon :) I think of my daughter now, when i am at my weakest!

    I took my first suboxone last night, and am on my way to freedom from pills! i plan on tapering over the next few days. must say these past hours have not been fun, and i have been battling whether or not i can make it. i am currently dreading going to work tom. morning, returning to the very place that started my usage & where everyone else is still using something, tabs, methadone, roxi. i know it will be a challenge, and i plan on getting a new job asap!

    anyhow thanks for posting, it does help others
    mini
     
  11. RunTheMachine

    RunTheMachine Well-Known Member

    Hi mini,

    Great job on your decision and determination to get and stay c/s! That's always step 1, and without it... well, you know the rest. You are SO on the right path, so just stay with it! Regardless of what system or program you choose to assist you in your journey, it's as T said: First & foremost, don't pick up. There is no mystery at all to the reality that if you start, and stick with that, you're more than halfway home... even if it's 51 %. =) The glass is half full. Period.

    Although my experience with sub is limited (comparatively), I can tell you that when you get to the right dose in your induction... you'll feel like a million, and your energy level will not be a problem. As you won't be jonesing for pills (from what I've read of your history, anyway. If you had a 400mg a day OC habit, or were coming off of a substantial H addiction, the sub might still help, but only so much. And in great quantities, most likely), you'll have focus that I know you need to handle your business, ie. child, job, hubby, house, etc..

    That being the good news, I can't encourage you enough to start a regimented taper program straight out of the gate with sub. Being glad you chose a sub path to start down your road to a c/s you and yours, will depend largely on the length of time you spend on it. I promise.

    Not to be scary, but when you read the sub (as well as the pain med) forums, and people say they didn't even start w/d-ing til day 3 from subs ~ believe it. (that's the insanely long half-life. I never started feeling w/d from subs til day 3... about the time I thought "Wow! I'm good to go!"). When people say the w/d from sub seems to last forever & a day (mind you, this is w/d from long term sub use, which is what I'm referring to here) ~ believe it. When people who have been on all sides of the fence say that the only thing harder to get off of than methadone is subs ~ believe it.

    mini, I'm really happy and optimistic for your journey to a pill-free life!! (and good call on looking for a new job, if that's the environment you find yourself in at work!). I only want to put these thoughts out there as caution. Like I said first, I think you'll find yourself functioning very well in the early stages of your sub method to recovery. Just please, don't hang on to them for too long, and don't find yourself getting comfortable on them. (and, as you read so much, NEVER up your doses, once you've found your comfort threshold!).

    We're all in this together, and we lean on one another when we feel weak or scared... and we bolster each other up when we are in a position to share some much needed strength with our fellow struggling addict. So here for ya. =)

    Much peace,
    GII
     
  12. minigirl17

    minigirl17 Member

    Hi GII,

    thanks for the words of advice. I was only able to get 5 8mg subs, due to inability to do to the doc to get an rx. so, i will have to taper quickly. have started with 4mg. am/ pm and still don't have the energy of which you speak. slept (not well) for most of yest. as my hubby watched my daughter.

    woke up early, and took the other 4mg and forced ourselves to clean the whole house. trying to keep occupied at this time. still feeling shaky, lots of back pain, and tons of anxiety....as always!! will prob. take some xanax tonight to help me sleep. i guess i am suppose to cut dose in 1/2 tom. night?? still a lil unclear of how to dispense the remaining 4 subs i have?

    may not make it through the entire work day tom, but as long as i show my face, i can poss. leave early :) i need to worry about myself first!! but, YES i will start looking for new career as soon as i feel better.

    thanks for caring GII, so nice to be inspired by ppl that are in a better place
     
  13. keepclean17

    keepclean17 Member

    Done subs for a month and slowly tapered. Listen when people warn us of subs. Long painfull withdrawl.
     
  14. rdr

    rdr Member

    Hello everyone and congrates to everyone who has gotton over te WD from opiates. I just detoxed from a 5 yr 80mg a day and 3 somas to go along with it. I was priscribed these meds for back and neck injuries from work.
    I detoxed for two weeks with subutex starting with 4mg x 3 a day and tapering down to 2mg once a day. I went back to the doctor and told him how great I felt, that was one day after my last dose of sub.
    Little did I know that the subs do have a long lasting effect after you stop taking them. As the days went by I started feeling worse, I had terrible head achs and back achs, I wanted to jump out of my skin I was so jittery.
    I took a 20mg oc after a week of taking nothing I felt so bad. Then another week went by and I took another 20mg ocy and 1 soma, now another week and a day has gone by and I feel like taking another but I'm really fighting it cause I still have the jitters and not sleeping well. I keep thinking 1 a week won't hurt me and will help me feel better for that one day. If anybody is going through this please share your experience.
    Am I taking a backstep every time I take a pill even if it's spread apart like that?
     
  15. jdude

    jdude Well-Known Member

    Welcome to ODR rdr.
    You may want to see if the doc can script some clonidine and maybe some phenergan. There's some links here:
    http://www.heroin-detox.com/detoxin...n-med-forum-best-best-odr-links-stickies.html

    The sub has a long half life...about 36 hours. Not to mention the staked half life. So usually about 2-3 days post jump s when you'd feel most of the physical acute stuff.

    What you're doing now is like playing ping pong with your receptors..and a golf ball. Won't serve you well.

    While at the doc's ask about some non-opiate pain relief. You'll go thru a rebound time period...the pain may increase for a short spell..like a frost bite thawing. But Motrin type products can be effective.

    Welcome again and congrats on the progress. You may also want to start your own thread/topic. It may get faster and more responses.

    Godspeed
    Jay
     
  16. rdr

    rdr Member

    Thank you Jay
    I looked at the link you sent and it was most helpful.
    I will start a new tread on this, this forum has been so helpful in my recovery. You answered a very important ? about the using once a week issue I see that if I want to feel normal again and able to sleep at night
    I must not take even that one pill, I didn't take one this last weekend
    so that would make 9 days for me.
    Thanks again
     
  17. wildeyes44

    wildeyes44 Member

    Hi rdr, good luck with being pain killer free! We are kinda in the same boat and I feel your pain. Day 11 for me going cold turkey off the Morphine. I didn't know what I was in for. Glad I found this site. Really cold and shaky again today and yesturday but it has to be close to the end I hope. Right now I am not freezing! Yay! Get rid of the pills if you have any so they are not a temptation. Best of luck!!
     
  18. Mybigmistake

    Mybigmistake Member

    I am on day 15 c/s and the biggest problems are the cravings "shiver", and the lack of energy. I am soooooo tired. But it is exhilarating to not be tied to a pill bottle as well. I am excited to start this new adventure, and thank you for posting your encouraging story. Clean and sober. I did not think I would ever be able to say that. :)
     
  19. Totem

    Totem Member

    good words man, thanks for the hope. The only way to fail is to not try. Try your best in everything, failure is only standing still. It does not matter where you go or where life takes you so long as you keep moving forward. Think not of the past or of the future, live wisely and hernestly ONLY in the now.
     
  20. Txbackpain

    Txbackpain New Member

    Thank you for the suport. Is that a pug? I have one too. He's gonna be in bed with me this next week just getting through this.
     

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