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I'm back! Here we go again..

Discussion in 'Detoxing from Methadone' started by dejiisback, May 22, 2015.

  1. dejiisback

    dejiisback Member

    Hey all! Hope Peacenick and Shawn are still alive and kicking.

    So my story..14 years of methadone addiction. Doses (100+ to 40mg to up and down, etc) and attempted kicks all over the place. Maybe around 9 years ago I tried a 40mg cold turkey kick with the help of this forum and made it 4 months before I was convinced something was wrong with me and tried a little dope. That turned around real quick and landed me back at the clinic.

    It still took years past that to finally banish anything heroin related in my life. Finally establish an actual career. And started a very, very slow detox. Was at 60mg 3 years ago and went down 1mg sometimes weekly, sometimes every other week. It got slower the further I went down and made it to 3mg. Have been sub 10mg for over 6 months. 3mg now for 3 weeks. Its like a drop..there is no way it could be doing anything aside wasting my money.

    Has been years since I took anything opiate related aside from my dose.

    Today is clinic day and was planning on dropping to 2mg. Screw that.

    Now..not going to lie and say I am "clean". I'm an addict from hell in reality.

    Have had a xanax script for just over a year which I have been collecting mounds of. Smoke herb daily, and been drinking daily. I think the drinking has been a side effect of the taper because I always was a few times a year drinker until recently. Drinking? Nooo..it will push my dose out faster is what I would tell myself. But perhaps the last year of drinking might work to my benefit if that is true ;)

    So skipping the clinic today and will see how I feel tomorrow. The hardest part is going to be work and my brain functions correctly (computer programmer). If I could be laying around a tropical island I wouldn't care. But have to live my life through this one.

    I will post back tomorrow and see if I broke down. But to be honest I will probably be OK outside of the mental bull**** that comes with this.

    On a side note my brother and good friend were also long term methadone addicts and made it off. Both slow detoxes as well. My friend jumped from 3mg and been clean 8 months now. And my brother dropped to 2mg one day and came home and dumped all his doses down the drain. Clean a year and a half Both claim it was nothing serious. Both still party, work hard jobs, and live a hard life. But 100% opiate free.

    So yeah...will let you know if I crawled back to the juice bar...
  2. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    Well, good luck. I hope you have the will power to stick to it! Are you going off suboxone or methadone? Mind over matter - if you don't mind, it don't matter!

    Careful with those benzos too. I went cold turkey off k-pin almost 2 years ago and it was brutal. I was on a high dose for quite a long time, so I'm sure that's why. But the w/d lasted for months and months on end. Hopefully you're not taking them every day though. Just be careful it's playing with fire (especially for an addict). Those things messed me up worse than all the illegal stuff did.
  3. dejiisback

    dejiisback Member

    No..methadone dude. Its gonna be a piece of cake...I hope :)

    I have been preparing for this mentally for some time now. Just didn't think today would be the day. But honestly this past year has been ****ty. Getting my dose down to 3mg is as close as I will get and refuse to think a half of drop of red liquid is doing anything. I don't feel any different yet. But I know it takes a few days to kick in. But at the same time been withdrawaling daily. Painful cycle. It needs to end. I have witnessed others kicking from low doses, and laughing it off. I'm gonna do the same.

    Xanax? Not worried. Cigarettes though I surely am. That's next.
  4. Fox face

    Fox face Moderator

    That strong determination will see you through! I know you'll make it to the other side!
  5. peacenik

    peacenik Administrator

    Hi Deji! Very nice to see you and to hear you're kicking. Yeah, I can say that whatever it takes, it will pass. And before you know it, like I used to say on the forum in years past, it will be just a memory to you.
    I do agree with you that getting down that low it shouldn't be too bad.

    Hope you keep checking in and let us know how it's going.
  6. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    Well congrats on day 1. Unfortunately with the long acting opiates, the first few days kind of just feel like waiting for the other shoe to drop... You know the w/d is coming.
    Seems like you have a good mind set though and really, thats what matters most. People have survived going cold turkey off 100+ mg's of methadone by sheer will power alone.
    You went off a low dose too, so that should help a whole lot.
    Pretty soon this will all be a bad memory like peacenik said. It'll all be worth it in the end! just keep banking days.
  7. dejiisback

    dejiisback Member

    Peacenik!! Good to see you around still helping people.

    No clinic today :)

    Don't feel anything much different yet.

    Its like I'm waiting for this to hit me. At the same time, I have withdrawaled from opiates a million times and whatever is coming will be just a minor annoyance that will fade away over time is my guess. We'll see :)
  8. spring

    spring Administrator

    Wow, welcome back Deji! Haven't seen you around here in about 5 years. Good to see you got down so low on dosage. Hope this is IT for you. Sounds like everybody else you know who jumped from such a low dose did well so I'm sure you will be able to do the same.

    I'm a bit worried about the xannys tho. You said you have been collecting mounds of them...does that mean you're not taking them daily? Nasty nasty drug with horrific w/ds!
    Methadone w/d is a walk in the park compared with coming off long term benzo use from everything I have read on here.
  9. dejiisback

    dejiisback Member

    Not really worried about xanax. Had a ~2 year run some time ago and tapered to dust and didn't even miss a day of work. It wasnt bad. Only went back on since I knew it would help me taper further. The half life is so short. This run will be shorter and just using them to help.

    So day 3. I definitely feel something. But its so minor. I think i may have lucked out on this one. Worked today which went well. Appetite was insane today too.

    I don't think I'm gonna experience anything serious, I can already tell. But omg I'm off methadone!! Finally! Now I just need to pass the days. When day 60 comes will know its for sure gone...
  10. dejiisback

    dejiisback Member

    Day 5 done, rolling into day 6.

    Been on shift the last 3 days, and we work 12-14 hour shifts. 1 more to go, and then will have a few days off. Definitely been feeling it. Sleep deprived as ****, back is KILLING me. Legs sore. Vision all jacked up (stare at a computer all day + withdrawal + a real issue right in front of your face that will make your brain spin....ugh). Luckily haven't done anything stupid yet..well not 100% true. There is definite brain function blockage.

    But overall doing it. It ain't that bad. There is no way out from here anyways, so just have to deal with it.
  11. peacenik

    peacenik Administrator

    Right deji, whatever it is, you've just got to go through it. Like you said, it will probably be day 60 before you really begin to feel normal. But that acceptance will stand you in good stead as you go through life afterwards. Hang in there. Dave
  12. dejiisback

    dejiisback Member

    Yeah. It might even be sooner (wishful thinking). Its work that is rough. But have some days off to chill now. Feeling OK today. Just a little headache probably from oversleeping (although a real sleep on my awesome bed fixed my back). And messed around with caffeine the past 2 days. No more caffeine. It makes the symptoms worse.

    Its 80 degrees :) Perfect time. Last time I kicked in dead of winter. About to get some breakfast and stay outside all day oding on vitamin D.
    Last edited: May 28, 2015
  13. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    How you holding up?
  14. dejiisback

    dejiisback Member

    Doing alright. Day 10 I think. Definitely in it. The **** hardens you. My soul is crying and that's why I yawn and my eyes water. But my heart is pumping with rage. It will go away eventually.
  15. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    Really glad to hear you are still hanging in there and sticking to this. You got this!
    My w/d process definitely made me a stronger person I think. It changed me. First the benzo w/d (that lasted for MONTHS on end) and then the sub w/d. It was a long, sh*tty process, but i feel like I am a better person for it. It gave me tons of confidence in myself too.
    You are almost done with the liquid handcuffs! Hopefully you will turn that corner before too much longer. Keep banking days!
  16. dejiisback

    dejiisback Member

    Thanks dude for checking. And grats..

    I remember last time I kicked it was around day 21 I noticed it was starting to fade. Although like 45 days until I really felt it going away. But it never did fully. That was a harder kick, though. Whoever said 1mg or 80mg is the same thing, is full of ****.

    Just asked my friend and he said around 20 days he started to feel better.

    Liquid handcuffs ha. Yeah they are. The worst. Feel like a sucker for doing this to myself. I just shake my head when I think of it.

    Another 10-20 days will fly by and will be on the mend.
  17. dejiisback

    dejiisback Member

    One thing I learned over the past 36 hours is how dehydrated I was. Just drained and have been running a fever since the start. Drank about 2 gallons of orange juice since yesterday afternoon and feeling much better. Oddly what's coming out isn't adding up, so no doubt my body is absorbing it. Seems my body temperature regulation is starting to normalize a bit also.

    I know there are studies on basically overdosing on vitamin c, but not gonna try that. Sounds like a myth. And my stomach couldn't handle it anyway. So tons of oj it is.

    Also lots of meat seems to help. Probably the iron, have to google that.

    Day 14 coming up. Almost to 21....
  18. dejiisback

    dejiisback Member

    OK yeah. Appears iron helps with restless legs, so makes sense. And the protein of course. This is all stuff I should of researched before I did this.

    But wtf, some of these detox guides out there are ludicrous. There is no way your stomach can handle 100 pills and vitamins.

    Not ready for exercise just yet. My body is too broken down and breaking it down more would be a bad idea. Sore already by default.
  19. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    Yeah I've seen that about massive doses of vitamin c. I guess it supposedly has to be a certain form of vitamin c though. I don't see how the stomach could handle it in w/d either. If you take too much vit. C it makes it feel like someone stuck an oil can up your a**. Add that to the diarrhea from opiate withdrawal,I would think it would make things even worse... lol.

    I was unaware of iron helping w/d. I've heard bananas are good for w/d. The potassium supposedly helps the restlessness. I bought potassium pills but they never really seemed to help me much.
    Sometimes I think some of this stuff is mind over matter - if you truly believe something will help you, it has a lot better chance of working.
    I definitely agree about some of these detox guides. The ones that charge money for some BS herbal pills or vitamin recipes really piss me off. They are praying on people who are vulnerable and looking for anything that will help.

    I had a hard time working out for a while too. I forced myself to do it as much as I could because it helped take that damned restless feeling away for a few minutes. But it was a huge struggle, especially when I felt like I'd been run over by a truck...

    Congrats on 2 weeks clean! That is awesome! Pretty soon this will all just be a bad memory and you will be free.
  20. dejiisback

    dejiisback Member

    Well..everyone is preying on everyone. Thank you dopefiends for your support is their signature.

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