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I'm back! Here we go again..

Discussion in 'Detoxing from Methadone' started by dejiisback, May 22, 2015.

  1. dejiisback

    dejiisback Member

    Day 18 done.

    I don't know. I think its going away a bit. But its not bad overall, and the worst is over. That nasty stretchy feeling is nearly gone, and my anxiety levels are stabilizing. Time goes by fast. Sometimes I have been thinking...what if I feel like this for the next 6 months? I just might, but **** it. I'm just kidding because that would suck. But...not classified as a dopefiend anymore, don't have to deal with the clinic, the fear is all gone too. And finally done with this decade and half addiction (at least mentally). So worth it. Didn't want to die with methadone in my blood.

    And music sounds so much better now. Withdrawal is like eating some strange acid kinda.

    Fear is your enemy during this. But nothing left to fear...
     
  2. spring

    spring Administrator

    "Nothing left to fear"... I like those words. You are one of many who has managed to make it to the other side.
    People like you give others hope so those who struggle can take comfort in knowing that it's not impossible to get clean even from methadone.
    It's not an easy thing to do but you have done it!! 18 days is a great number and those days are gonna keep racking up til it will be 30 days and then 60 days and onto a year and more. You my friend are well on your way. Happy news.
     
  3. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    Yes, I had to talk myself down many times during my taper and w/d. It's tough when that fear and panic set in... But it does pass. And the whole w/d process makes you a stronger person I think.
    Music sounds amazing, doesn't it? I still get goose bumps all over my body when I listen to music. The healing process is definitely a roller coaster of all different emotions. As weird as this may sound - I actually kind of enjoyed it. So many emotions I hadn't felt in years. Once in a while, some actually felt like a natural type of high.

    Glad to hear that it sounds like you have now turned that corner. Hopefully it's all downhill from here! Congrats on getting clean. It's a big accomplishment (especially coming off methadone) that not everyone is willing to do.
     
  4. dejiisback

    dejiisback Member

    Thanks for the replies and likes!!

    Hmmm..I think today is day 21. Not even keeping much count. Feels like its basically over. The weeks flew by and from here...well...my new life. Anything that doesn't feel right is easily ignored. I feel the strangest when I wake up. But goes away after a few.

    So....for anyone reading this. Don't try anything stupid jumping off high doses. Get your dose as close to 0mg as possible, by any means. Then kick. Still gonna hurt the 1st few weeks..but its nothing really and you will be feeling better in no time.
     
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2015
  5. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    3 weeks! Yay! Good job man.
    I had trouble in the morning for a while too. To be honest, I still have a little trouble in the mornings even almost a year later. It happens much less often now though.
    I am still not 100% back to normal though. I've talked to many people who were on maintenance and they all basically said that they felt not quite right for a good year or 2 after stopping opiate use completely. But like you said, it's stuff that is easily ignored (as long as you don't sit around with your thumb up your butt, focusing on it all day long... lol).

    Congrats again. Kicking methadone is no small feat (in my eyes). Methadone actually scares me more than any other opiate/opioid, as far as kicking it.
     
  6. dejiisback

    dejiisback Member

    Yeah, same. About a year or two. Really around 6 months for the initial part. But it will fly by. Feel like all my spinal fluid is drained to hell, but manageable. The only way out is to deal with it. There are no options for me aside withdrawal anyway..

    Really you just have to accept it and be at peace with it. Others have it much worse in various aspects of life. Its like I did this to myself, so...can't cry about it much.

    Getting my dose down to 3mg was the hardest part. The last year has been stressful as hell just surviving, and work an extremely faced, high pressure, challenging job. Not sure how I pulled it off to be honest. But feel better than when I was on such a low dose now. Maybe not physically because withdrawing, but overall since I know its finally coming to an end. And now its just time. I still got a long way to go, but definitely feeling positive.
     
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2015
  7. dejiisback

    dejiisback Member

    Its like day 29?

    Feeling alright I guess. The main issue is I have been smoking too many cigarettes. They are so disgusting, and caught a slight cold a couple weeks in and still have a dry cough. Need to quit asap. And that general blah feeling. Have to force myself to do anything. When working its actually easier. My day is already planned and there are times I don't think about it. Its the downtime that is hard. So have this huge list of cleaning and redoing my apartment which I have estimated at nearly 300 hours of manual labor. Been chipping away slowly the last few days. Should keep me busy for a while. And been working out a bit the last few days. Kinda fun and feels good since it gives you something to do and need to get in shape. Moving and keeping busy is good. Looking at the wall or TV, you start to zone in on the symptoms. Its funny because now I see my brothers addiction after methadone turning into weight lifting. He got ripped in like 6 months, then broke his back on the squat rack and had a disk fusion surgery with 0 opiates!! I will learn from his lesson. No weights..

    I don't know. Eating tons and drinking lots of water makes me feel best. Nothing else works and just a waste of time. Drinking...bad. Just dehydrates. Good thing I was never a drinker. Drank a few beers last night, and then a lot of drinking the Saturday prior which was not cool. You feel a fever come on almost immediately when you drink. Herb..do not wake up ripping bongs, will mess up your day. A little at night isn't bad though, and good to relax to and play or listen to music. Smoking like Bob Marley, not good for withdrawal. Xanax sucks too. Was taking 3-4mg a day the 1st couple of weeks. But down to 1mg-1.5mg a day which is what I was taking prior. Definitely made me feel better the less I take. But that's all xanax does is slow you down and fatigue you.

    So about halfway to 60 days. Need to figure the cigarette problem out quick. Main issue right now.

    And then xanax.

    Ugh...well..in a better situation than 1 year ago. One year from now will be better than today.
     
  8. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    Yes, eating! lol. I crave sooo many foods now. The first whole year after I got off the kilo opine I just kept putting on weight. I was waayyy under weight though. My ribs were all visible and my hip bones were sticking out. Now I have a bit of a damn pot belly lol. Big and round. But I'm not putting on weight anymore. I balanced out and been working at losing a bit of weight now. I can never seem to find a happy middle lol.
    I don't drink either. My body was super sensitive after the withdrawal(s). Cigarettes too. They made me all jittery and made my anxiety worse. Even caffeine. Herb was helpful though. It helped relax my mind and take away that boredom, which was key.
    The benzo w/d made my body even more sensitive than the sub w/d did. But I came off a sky high dose and without any real taper. I went from a super high dose straight down to about 2mg, stayed there for a couple months then went cold turkey from there. I'm glad I just got it over with but if I had to do it again I'd probably taper (if only because now I'd know what was in store for me). I wasn't expecting it to get as bad as it did or last as long as it did. But man was it worth it! I can't even tell you how much better I fedo off the benzos. They were causing nightmare side effects. Plus, they actually made my anxiety Worse. I was having panic attacks almost daily, which made me think I needed the benzos that much more. But come to find out they were causing most of that anxiety. I haven't had a panic attack in over a year now. What happens is the benzos lower your body's natural ability to cope with every day stresses and anxieties and it also takes your body much longer to recover from a stressful event. Best thing I ever did was get off those damn things! Followed closely by getting off the opiates.
     
  9. peacenik

    peacenik Administrator

    Good thinking deji. Yes there will come a time when you wont even think about it - instead of it being the first thing you think of each morning! I can relate to the smoking too. I started smoking twice as much and finally quit maybe 6 years later! Hope you do better than I did.
    Dave
     
  10. dejiisback

    dejiisback Member

    Today is day 33. Definitely feeling a bit better. Finally been feeling some warmth in my body again (not hot or cold related, like feeling better inside). And when waiting for the train in the morning, the tracks are looking less and less wavy daily. Not sure why it screws up your vision. Feeling less awkward too. Getting used to it basically. I'm sure the next 30 days will be a even better improvement.

    Always thought kicking in the summer would be best but up at the crack of dawn daily because the birds are chirping all over the place. Wakes me right up. But at least stepping outside into 70 degree weather is better than walking through freezing cold and snow. Although 90 degrees isn't fun.

    Going to the Korean spa this weekend or next. When I was younger and in withdrawal my mom and grandma would always tell me I just need to "sweat it out". Almost seems like the sweat that comes out of my pores has a strange scent to it. So a day or two of sweating in those hot sauna rooms that claim to have medical advantages will probably be interesting, and hopefully clean out my skin better.
     
  11. Fox face

    Fox face Moderator

    Glad to hear things are looking better. I remember taking really hot baths and the odor was very odd. Even though I was sick as he11, I knew it was the poison leaving my body.
    I so enjoy sitting on my back porch late at night listening to the crickets and the birds in the morning:) Shortly after detox, I noticed the breeze and leaves blowing with such clarity. Crazy how when your on stuff you miss so much. I finally am comfortable in my own skin. It's a slow process, but something I cherish now. Take care and keep moving forward!
     
  12. dejiisback

    dejiisback Member

    Today was day 44. Still sucks, but definitely getting better. Still have that fuzzy vision and overall body buzz going on. Vision is the worst since reminds me that I'm clean. Its like my eyes have been pinned out for so long, they are finally opening and whatever controls that is broken. I can still see fine. But its the haze. Hard to explain.

    That's good though. Been a loooong time I have not taken an opiate in 6 weeks. Its a trip. Learning to live without them for the 1st time in my life. Actually live, not just exist.
     
  13. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    Good stuff man! You are definitely getting there now!
     
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2015
  14. dejiisback

    dejiisback Member

    If I counted the calendar right, tomorrow will be day 60.

    Feeling alright all things considered. Definitely out of the real part of the withdrawal. Thank god, never want to go through an opiate withdrawal again. At least the beginning part. The rest will go away slowly, you just have to get used to it. And slowly forget. Sometimes I do forget, its weird.

    I gained like 15 pounds since I was eating so much. Appetite has died down a bit over the past couple weeks. But been working out nearly daily for past month or so. Just a little push ups or pull ups a day. Slowly getting stronger. Takes time. Started taking a multivitamin and potassium pill almost daily a couple weeks ago. Sometimes I take both, sometimes one, sometimes none. I try. Either way, can't hurt.

    Body temp is getting better too. Finally not wearing a hoodie 24/7 in the middle of summer. People are in flip flops, shorts, and a tank top. I'm in hoodie and jeans. They must be like what the **** is wrong with this kid. People.have commented too. I think ugh...if you only knew.

    Anyways, just working, hanging and studying. Life is OK. Better than it was a year ago, that's for sure.
     
  15. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    Don't go forgetting too much... (about opiate w/d). Sometimes that's when we end up relapsing. But that's where writing on this page can be a big help. If you ever feel weak, come back here and read what you went through!
    It's weird how everyone's body reacts a little bit differently to opiate w/d. Of course, I did come off sub not methadone. But I had big time problems with my body regulating temperature too. Except mine was the opposite of yours. I couldn't stand the heat! It would hit 75 degrees and I'd be sweating like a PIG and I'd be soo darn hot it was ridiculous. I'd be sitting in the house with the a/c going full blast and 4 separate fans blowing full speed on me. lol

    glad to hear you are doing good!
     
  16. dejiisback

    dejiisback Member

    Nah man. 35 and was ****ing with dope since I was 18. Dope fiend at 19. Sticking needles in my arm at 20. Methadone at 21. Tons of withdrawal. I can never forget what I been through.

    Man, I lucked out is how I feel. Finally free and can accept how I feel. I don't think there is ever a normal. I wasnt normal before I started dope. And exactly why I started it. To escape. Only a distant memory of me touching heroin. So can't remember how I felt.

    But today alive and kicking. Able to support myself and make it through the day. All that matters to me. Touching any opiate is a big no no. I don't need it. And sure never need the withdrawal from it. Had enough....retired.
     

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