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life...not interrupted

Discussion in 'Freedom from Hell ~ Staying Clean~' started by Sluggo, Oct 15, 2008.

  1. Sluggo

    Sluggo Well-Known Member

    again, I have no thread of my own....so, i'm posting here.

    It has been revealed to me over and over the past few days how powerful the presence of God/Spirit is in my life....when I am willing and open to experiencing it....and trusting in it. freakin amazing stuff.

    A few things have transpired which upon first blush, were devastating and sparked frustration...."what is my lesson here" I would ask....upon pausing, stepping back, and just accepting things as they are...completely turned around in ways that i couldn't have imagined. God had something better in mind for me, all I had to do was be patient.

    crap...I love this stuff. life is so good when I simply get out of the way and do what it is i'm supposed to do. Meditate, pray, be present, stay accountable, and help others. so friggin simple.
  2. gettingbetter

    gettingbetter Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you started your own thread. Good stuff.

    And what you're saying here reminds me of what you posted on your "Peace" thread:

    Enlightenment is ours to see, hear, touch, smell, taste, and ideate – but all we seem to sense, is the shifting surface of that vastness.
    We see reflections, but are blind to the nature of the mirror.
    We see waves, but fail to experience the ocean.
    We see clouds, but cannot conceive of the sky.”

    It is the "shifting surface of that vastness" that keeps my faith in this program.

    And it sounds like when you were frustrated, all you saw were clouds ... and weren't conceiving of the sky.

    You know, after you posted that meditation/thought response this morning I went outside and pondered both clouds and sky ... I always want to see beyond. All I can do is pray and be present and in the moment, like you said.

    It is SO simple. Tripping on the light fantastic, the profound often appearing in what seemed mundane before ... of course, I am still learning this, and learning so much all the time, and then falling backwards.

    But I know the basic principle. Sounds like you've got a handle on it, too. :)
  3. Sluggo

    Sluggo Well-Known Member

    firstly, lets not get carried away with the whole "starting my own thread" thing.

    secondly, when frustrated....I can still see/feel the vastness of the sky....the bliss, the peace, Being that underlies all. its wasn't a matter of focusing on the clouds....but the simple deciphering of what I could change/what I couldn't. That's why I've always had a bit of an aversion to the Serenity Prayer. I don't always possess the "wisdom to know the difference". sometimes its a grey area. that's when I practice the pause.....
  4. OnMyWay

    OnMyWay Well-Known Member

    love the new thread, janice! it looks great on you.
  5. Sluggo

    Sluggo Well-Known Member

    Something that has helped me....smiling. Ever notice the Dalai Lama...always smiling...that little tiny sly smile. When I wake in the morning, I smile that little smile. It truly has the power to change your day. Smiling is very important. I think its impossible to feel sorrow and smile at the same time. It's with our capacity of smiling, breathing, and being peace....that we can bring peace/love to those around us.

    Just try it.
  6. arlenewla

    arlenewla Well-Known Member

    Yup. Janice...this is perfect. Tremendous wisdom in your suggestion. You just made me smile.[;^)]

    I used to have to force myself to smile. Hell, I thought life was to be endured so how and why I smile. And there was absolutely no reason to laugh. There's a Yiddish word called farbissener. The translation to the English is embittered...sour.

    Smiles are powerful for the smiler (is that a word?)...as well as the recipient of that smile.

    Smiles and laughter are no longer forced. In the moment...when I'm connected to G-d...they just rip.

    I learned something about myself while having some heavy dental work (still in progress). Several months ago, I had to give up wearing my bottom denture for about a week while they were being readjusted. My gums were sore. So anyway, I was so embarrased by not having teeth in my mouth, I stopped smiling and laughing. People who have come to know me as a smiler, would ask, "are you okay?"

    Something else I've learned about the farbissener part. When I'm sour...people back off. When sour, I pucker my mouth and suck in my cheeks. I know this because the guys I work with will say, "storm signals...her mouth is puckered. Back off boys."

    I become toxic...to myself and others.

    And you'll relate to this Janice. I'm having my photo taken this morning for a website. I gott'a get dressed and practice smiling. Can you say, "cheese?" Bet you can!:D


  7. arlenewla

    arlenewla Well-Known Member

    I am an amateur, Janice.:D

    Smile with your eyes. Yup...all about the windows to the soul.


  8. Sluggo

    Sluggo Well-Known Member

    are you kidding me? you are no amateur. at photos or much else for that matter.
  9. Living Free

    Living Free Well-Known Member

    Janice - you smile with your soul......feelings conveyed onto a page, beautiful inside and out[;^)]

    "Everyone Thinks Of Changing The World, But No One Thinks Of Changing Himself" - Leo Tolstoy

    4th Principle Of Kabbalah:
    "The Purpose Of Life Is Spiritual Transformation From A Reactive Being To A Proactive Being" - Yehuda Berg
  10. Sluggo

    Sluggo Well-Known Member

    So....just found out that a friend of mine has relapsed....and is in very bad shape. he's been using for months, doc shopping, and got in a wicked car accident today....currently in the hospital.

    now, the twister here...when I first met him....he helped me so much in early sobriety....we actually have the same sponsor. He was a thumper, talked of God, talked from experience....from where I stood, I thought he was the real deal.

    in recent months...he stopped returning phone calls. stopped showing up for sponsees, slowly distanced himself. now...he's out there. and, who knows if he's gonna make it back.

    and this leaves me feeling vulnerable perhaps. I just don't want that to be me....ever again. perhaps I've been resting on my laurels lately...what little laurels I have. perhaps God's shakin me into action again...and more action.

    for now, I shall pray for him. and for willingness.

    I dunno...just wanted to vent. thanks.

  11. OnMyWay

    OnMyWay Well-Known Member

    ugh. janice. that sucks. i am sorry to hear about your friend and i pray that he recovers.

    i think we are all vulnerable in some way or another...if this incident has caused you to look at your own situation seriously and work on certain areas, then some good has come from it.
  12. Sluggo

    Sluggo Well-Known Member

    okay....so, i've got a pretty amusing little missive regarding an amends I made today with my brother. an amends that I made as a direct result of my friend relapsing. action....and more action.

    i'm just too tired to transmit it now...goin to bed.

    remind me in the morning.

  13. gettingbetter

    gettingbetter Well-Known Member

    Aw, crap. I got all excited that someone was still up, and here you are going to bed. Oh well.

    It's technically morning, so here I am reminding you.
  14. Sluggo

    Sluggo Well-Known Member

    well...I was waiting to make amends to my brother and his wife simultaneously...ya know, make the appointment, drive up there...yadda yadda.

    lately, I've been praying for the willingness to complete a few outstanding amends. I think that willingness isn't quite the issue here, I've got no problem making the amends, I've just been unwilling to travel the necessary distance to do them. seems my radius of recovery was a bit too small.

    anyway...I knew I would see him yesterday, I went to his daughter's soccer game. called my sponsor on the way down, "should I do this now...without the wife...or should I wait to see them together?" "NOW. who knows what tomorrow will or will not bring. clean it up NOW" with all this practice of mine, trying to live in the NOW, trying to be present...seems I forgot some practical application. he's here, I'm here...now.

    my brother is an emotional guy, all the Savite's are. we cry at Teletubbies given the right episode. I knew he wouldn't wanna engage in sentimental talk of the past. So, God presented the "in". He's a huge Seinfeld fan, as am I. (sorry dani). there's an episode where James Spader attempts to make an amends to Costanza. so, that's how I started it...."remember that Seinfeld episode.....?" yep, he starts laughing...."well, that's what I need to do here...." his face drops, and he looks at me says "naw, we're good".

    anyway, the amends lasted all of 2 minutes, he reminded me of a couple of insane events (him and my dad coming in the city to beat up some guy i was living with....don't remember that at all)....and then the conversation promptly turned to the massive tick bite on his back.

    yep, we're good.
  15. gettingbetter

    gettingbetter Well-Known Member

    I have familiarity with that episode, actually.

    As for the "naw, we're good," I can completely see the vast majority of my friends doing the exact same thing as your brother ... but I won't project, considering that expectations are merely planned resentments.

    Geez, does that ever happen? People expect their amends to go a certain way, and they don't, and it becomes a resentment, and they aren't at step 10 yet so they have to go back to step 4? :)

    At any rate ... I'm glad that worked out for you and came back full circle. Any word on your friend, or are you letting that go for now?
  16. Sluggo

    Sluggo Well-Known Member

    dani...the amends went exactly as I thought it might. the whole thing was mildly amusing...for both of us. He just didn't feel a need to go there cause he knew it might be emotional. so, it didn't go there....we just kept it light. it was great. no need to get all dramatic and serious. I knew levity was the way to go.

    lesson: know your audience.

    i always try to walk into resentments with absolutely no expectation on the outcome...just hoping for the best. 9 times out of 10, the unexpected happens. its phenomenal stuff. Times when I showed up with fear, God delivered love. man...I love that I get to do this stuff. Nothing...I mean nothing has healed life for me like the amends process. We get to do this......

    As for my friend....he's in bad shape. pray for him. He has helped so many others.

  17. Allgood

    Allgood Well-Known Member

    Jan - Much prayer for your friend ....... I know how hard that can be.

    Love the way you're looking at it though, God telling you to move ...... and away you go with amends. Perfect.
  18. Sluggo

    Sluggo Well-Known Member

    Tom -
    thanks love.

  19. arlenewla

    arlenewla Well-Known Member

    Somebody would think you're grateful, Janice.:)


  20. Sluggo

    Sluggo Well-Known Member

    Passed on from a friend....

    A True Story

    Sometime in the early 1990's I was treating a woman in an intensive outpatient chemical dependency group. Let's call her "Grace." Grace was a flight attendant and had been suspended from her job with a major airline due to her untreated alcoholism. She had been stealing the little miniature liquor bottles and drinking in airport bars in uniform, etc. Her employer, realizing she needed treatment sent her to us.

    After the eight week program, I suggested to her it might be a good idea to solidify her foundation in recovery before returning to work as she would be working in a high-risk environment (serving alcohol, being out of town alone, etc. ). Grace did, however, return to work shortly after completing outpatient treatment. One day while she was departing from a plane at the end of long day a major craving for alcohol overpowered her. There she was, in the Los Angeles International Airport pulling her roller-bag behind her when this massive craving to drink came over her. She tried to just "think through it," or "just forget about it," but it was way too powerful. It was so powerful, in fact, that she had resigned to herself that she would just go drink. Grace thought, Oh, heck with it, I'll get another job; or maybe no one will find out anyway." But deep down inside Grace did not want to drink. She truly had wanted to stay sober, but she was in trouble.

    On her way to the bar in the airport, Grace had a moment of sanity. She stopped, picked up the airport paging phone and said, "Will you please page friends of Bill W.," she paused, quickly looking around for an empty gate, "to come to Gate 12?"

    Within minutes, over the paging system in the LA International Airport came, "Will friends of Bill W. please come to Gate 12. Will friends of Bill W. please come to Gate12." Most people in recovery know that asking if you are a friend of Bill W. is an anonymous way to identify yourself as a member of AA.

    In less than five minutes there were about fifteen people at that gate from all over the world. That brought tears of amazement, relief and joy to Grace. They had a little meeting there in that empty gate, total strangers prior to that moment. Grace discovered that two of those people had gotten out of their boarding lines and missed their flights to answer that call for help. They had remembered what they had seen on many walls of meeting rooms: "When anyone, anywhere reaches out their hand for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there and for that I am responsible. "

    Grace did not drink that day. I would venture to guess that none of the people who came to Gate 12 drank that day either. Instead Grace had a moment of sanity, realized she could not do it on her own, took the action of asking for help and received it immediately. This help is available to all of us if we want it and sincerely ask for it. It never fails.

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