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Methadone in 3 Days

Discussion in 'Detoxing from Methadone' started by Hulk, Oct 31, 2005.

  1. peacenik

    peacenik Administrator

    such that it is my story is here:

    It's cut off but the rest is just in real small type....maybe you can read. It's weird, but my story has managed to get lost several times on this board, most recently in the software update. Seems there is something, or someone that doesn't want my story here, or Arlenes, or the strong defense of real recovery we put up when pro methadone people tried to peddle their BS here....... so I don't know if I'll post it again. But I'd suggest you go back to 2005, 2006 2007 2008 those years in the methadone forum read that stuff.
  2. Huerita

    Huerita Member

    Nice! Let me know if it comes up somewhere. Have a Goodnight Dave! Thanks for everything.
  3. spring

    spring Administrator

    That's a damn shame about these missing and cut off posts. It is my biggest pet peeve about the board and has been my biggest focus on getting these retrieved from God knows where they're at in cyberspace! If I had known better years ago I would have backed up the board on a flash drive or something. Is the Wayback Machine the only site available to find old boards and posts? Even that place only lets you maybe 2 pages of threads deep but you would think the stickies would be there.

    EEEK!! Yeah!! I FOUND IT Dave! The whole complete story I think! Here's the link for it plus I will copy/paste the story in a post under this one.

    Here's a couple more that I think are complete as well.


    Huerita, Not meaning to hijack your posts. Keep scrolling down. I will start a new post to address your concerns.
  4. spring

    spring Administrator

    Coming Full Circle

    I wrote this for my 19th anniversary in Feb. I took my last dose, my last drug of any kind, on Feb 18, 1987..........

    I was on methadone maintenance for 6 years the second time. I had an off and on addiction to heroin for 12 years I had been through rehabs, had been on methadone once before, and had been detoxed countless times. My six years on methadone had started out OK, but it wasnt long before the feeling of being straight from my dose wasnt enough and I began taking other drugs along with it.

    I went through smoking joints, taking valium, and eventually I started drinking regularly, and shooting cocaine. I knew I had to do something as my wife at that time had thrown me out. I couldnt do the simplest of things like keep my car fixed because I constantly spent my money on drugs. I knew as well that I had to quit it all. I had tried 1/2 way many times before and I also knew that I couldnt detox outpatient. I didnt have the will power, or patience for it.

    I had lived in a recovery house once before. I had gotten kicked out for using, but I knew I needed a lot of help and to completely start over so I went off to treatment thinking that I needed to try again. I heard of a Dr who supposedly could detox you , even off MM so I called him. I took a last drink from a pint bottle of vodka I had, hid the bottle in the trash basket and asked my mom to drive me to the hospital. I was 36 years old.

    The detox was terrible. I was in the hospital for 30 days getting no opiates at all. I got massive doses of clonidine. They would check your blood pressure before they could give it to you, so I took to trying to run around the bed, or do a few push-ups when Id see the nurse was coming so my pressure would be high enough.

    I did seem to be improving a bit when at 30 days they sent me off to rehab. I had been through this rehab once before, so I was put into the elite chronic relapse program that was 6 weeks. This was fine with me the longer the better. It was a real, real struggle getting through those 6 weeks. I was sleeping a little when I got there, and maybe 4 or 5 hours a night by the time I left.

    Towards the end I went for an interview at a recovery house in Pennsylvania not too far from the rehab. I told them I really wanted recovery, but a few days later my counselor told me that they turned me down. I asked him to please try to convince them to take me. The alternative was to fly to another place, in Arizona. My counselor really went to bat for me, and the day before I was to be released, he told me they had a spot for me. The house ended up being the beginning of a whole new life for me. I lived in that area for many years I met my wife there. I often wonder how different things would have turned out for me if I hadnt gotten in to that house. Things didnt go so well for my counselor though. He had a lovely wife, and a couple years later I heard that they were divorced. Not long after I read in the paper that he had been arrested. Its more of the irony of this messed up disease. But Chuck M., if you can somehow hear this I hope youre OK. You saved my life man.

    I was firmly into post-acute withdrawal by the time I moved into the recovery house. I arrived with a small suitcase, a few clothes, and I think, maybe $10. My wife had called it quits and my parents had pretty much given up on me. The only upside to all this was I was sure able to start over from scratch! I started going to a bunch of meetings. I was really fortunate in that the house didnt push you into getting a job, they charged very low rent, and we all got a check from the government that covered it. There was a meeting place where they had meetings at 10:00am and at noon Monday through Friday. I would walk there every day. Id also go to an NA meeting every night. I know this sounds excessive, or maybe boring, but physically, I was still pretty sick I dont think I could have worked so the walking and the meetings were what I needed.

    I remember after a month or two at the house, I was going to receive a check for $100 or so. I had been, as I said, going to all these meetings, I had a sponsor etc. Well, the thought of that money started the old addiction up and I felt the obsession to use building inside of me. I thought for sure I was going to fall. Well the day the money was going to arrive my sponsor called me and started asking me about planning some kind of picnic or something for NA. Right then, talking to him on the phone I felt the obsession to use float away from me, like I could feel it being lifted, and I felt, for the first time in so long, that I was free, and that I was where I was supposed to be. Despite the PAWS continuing for another year and a half, I never have had that powerful obsession to use return.

    So really, the first year or two was for me, very simple. I got in place a whole bunch of positive recovery tools. I went to meetings, I read recovery books each night at bedtime. Gradually, I started picking up the pieces of a normal life. I got a job, started saving money. Eventually rented an apartment from my boss and moved out on my own. There were so many little victories along the way. The day I was given a credit card, when I bought a car and it even had air in it! The day I made it as a journeyman in my trade now that was a proud moment.

    Through this time of course I also had the post-acute symptoms. Now after the first few months they are much less severe, but still the very first thing I would think of each day when I woke up, was that I still feel off. Getting through the PAWS was a struggle that like so much in recovery, ended up being a gift - something that has added so much to my appreciation of life. First you kind-of get used to the symptoms. but they drag on and on. You get a little better, then it gets worse again. Eventually, and I know this probably sounds strange, but I came to realize that the PAWS were helping me stay clean. They were a constant reminder every day that using just once would put me right back into addiction. I had to stick it out! The wonderful thing is that by the time the symptoms went away, I had come so far that there was no way I was ever going back.

    Acceptance. Man thats a big part of recovery and as tough as it is getting past long-term opiate addiction theres one thing Ill say. That is if you make it, you sure will have learned some acceptance along the way. They say addiction is a threefold disease, the physical, the mental, and the spiritual. Well Ive come to see that we opiate addicts, cursed as we are with the worst possible physical component to our disease, dont suffer near as much with the mental problems other addicts do. Sure, its tough as hell for us to get that first year, but when we do, look out. We have wonderful recoveries because we have gratitude for some pretty simple things like just waking up and being OK.

    I dont know how much of the latter stages of withdrawal is purely physical, and how much psychosomatic, but I do know that around 18 months out I thought that even if the symptoms dragged on forever, I still would not ever go back to using. Shortly after reaching that level of acceptance came the morning when I awoke and realized hey, I feel normal again.

    So thats what the first two years were like. They were tough. It took structure, patience and acceptance. After that youve got what they call a foundation and life gets a whole lot easier. Years 2 through 12 went pretty smoothly. A life rebuilt. I met a pretty young girl, fell in love again and got married. We lived and recovered together, a couple years later had a baby girl, still later bought a home. I though everything was so good that nothing could stop me. What I didnt realize was that I had had done a fantastic job of dealing with my primary addiction, but that I had created a little world where I thought I was safe. I hadnt hardly begun to let deep feelings come back in my life. I hadnt taken a look at just what it was that caused me to want to run away from life in the first place.

    About 6 years ago my wife relapsed. There began a time of pain, fear, and feelings I had buried long ago. We eventually started with a really great therapist and I began to see that the reason I had fallen into rigid ways in my marriage, and the reason I couldnt let go and forgive was that I had never learned how. I was raised in an abusive alcoholic home and fear and abandonment were what I grew up with. I had learned to pretend things were not as they were, learned to bury my feelings, and learned to escape reality long before I ever stared using drugs. Drugs had just become the most efficient method.

    I hadnt gone to meetings for many years at that point. But though I had a few times where I thought of using, I didnt really come close to relapsing myself. What I did was I started going to ACA meetings ( Adult-Child of Alcoholic) and reading and learning about healing the kid who didnt get a chance to grow up in a happy home.

    A lot of this stuff is very deep and personal, but Ill say this. Most of us have issues, childhood trauma, or other things. If we give up the drugs, sooner or later, when were ready, they will come up. Today, I look at the pain I went through then just like I do the struggle I went through with PAWS. As an opportunity for growth and a time that has in the end brought much more happiness than hurt.
  5. spring

    spring Administrator


    As I started to get back in touch with me I took a look at the fact that I had tried to stay safe. I realized that we had stayed near where I had gone through treatment because of fear. Who wants to change anything when youre still clean and things are OK? Well my wife and I talked and we thought why not another new start? We decided to sell our house pack up our stuff and move out to California. What an adventure! It was really something to feel free enough to do it.

    Weve been out here going on 5 years now and everyone is doing very well. Our marriage is strong and our kids are growing up healthy and happy. I cant begin to say how I feel seeing that the patterns of addiction and childhood problems that went through my family for at least three generations have ended here in my family.

    When I first started going to ACA I remember there was this guy who was sharing about this woman who wrote and held seminars called The Work. Its premise was that you need to embrace reality sort of that there is no negative stuff that happens to us that we should love it all. Now I was still full of righteous anger then so I hated the very idea. But now when I look at it I think thats how far Ive come.

    So I guess thats really what I mean about coming full circle. As addicts we cant handle reality we escape it anyway we can. In recovery we can learn to love even the pain because we know that just means were about to learn something. It took me 19 years to get this far, but thats OK. I sure as hell look forward to the next 19.

    On Monday in celebration of my 19th, my wife had bought tickets for the Bonnie Raitt concert at Symphony Hall in San Diego. On the way down I was thinking how much I love California how nice it was for my wife to think of this, how far shes come. Leading into the second song I will not be Broken Bonnie said Well, Im coming up on 19 years sober. Man.talk about knowing youre right where you're supposed to be....Dave
  6. spring

    spring Administrator

    First of all WELCOME and thank you for posting. It's not been very busy around here lately but I see that Dave has replied to you.
    I know what you mean by the days being so long while you're detoxing. Everything seems to slow down where the minutes feel like hours. I think we all experience that during detox so you're not alone. We all want to jump from day one to day 5 so you're not alone in that thinking either, but as they say in the program just take it one day at a time. The best way to get thru this is to have someone with you. You need distractions and since you're not cold-turkey-sick you may want to consider hitting an NA meeting or if those aren't available even an AA meeting can greatly help. To be around others who share that common bond can make a world of difference. Internet message boards are a great resource too but there's nothing better than to be around people in 3D life.

    However this works out for you...DON'T stop trying! We fail and relapse. It seems to be a part of the detox most times. Some have gotten thru it the first try but usually it takes a few tries. Believe it or not the physical detox is the easy part. The hard work comes in afterwards when it's time to stay clean. You CAN stay clean if are truly honest with yourself and recognize the tricks your brain will play on you to try to get you to use again.

    Keep working on this. Dont give up on yourself. It will work when you are truly sick of the life and decide you will do whatever you have to do to get to the other side..
  7. Huerita

    Huerita Member

    Thank you so much for your post. I will try a meeting. Good thing they are everywhere in Los Angeles. Thank you for taking time to respond. I've needed it!
  8. Sukh

    Sukh New Member

    Reading yours and a few other people's advice on the net got me of a 13 year opium addiction.My only problem was I did not have enough methadone to totally stop wd symptoms.i am now on day 15 clean thank you your post and another person's post on this thread who I will thank after this kept me thinking I could do it
  9. Sukh

    Sukh New Member

    Thank you very much I did my wd with methadone but did not have enough to stop all the symptons but stopped some.My friend who made sure he had enough followed your dosing exactly and made sure he did his first dose before wd kicked in.He did have minor wd after he detox while the methadone left his system but I mean minor.The only thing I will say is have enough methadone because I was in a hurry to stop I suffered but still it was easier then a full cold turkey wd.I have sleep and anxiety issues still but pegablin works wonders.I don't know why in the UK this system is not used it's a great way to detox

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