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Moving Forward.....

Discussion in 'Freedom from Hell ~ Staying Clean~' started by teach07, Nov 10, 2008.

  1. teach07

    teach07 Well-Known Member

    Well I am back. Have had a relapse. Thought I could keep it inside but, the saying that you are only as sick as your secrets is so true...at least for me.

    Have been busy talking to others and getting a new plan in place.

    I want what so many of you here on ODR have and getting honest is the first step.

    I have decided that it time for a thread of my on and I will be posting daily.

    Carol

    Anything worth having is worth working for!
     
  2. zoie33

    zoie33 Well-Known Member

    Carol,


    Gosh, this has made my day. You have been in my prayers. I had suspected that something like this might have happened. I was so used to talking to you so often and when it stopped I at first thought that it was me. (I can get on peoples nerves as I have been told, lol) I am so glad you are back. I have missed you so much.

    I love you and will always be here for you.

    Zoie

    What are we afraid of these days? Is our deepest fear our feelings of inadequacy? No, its more that we recognize that we are more powerful beyond imagination. Then why is it that the light within us scares us more than the darkness. We'll ask ourselves who are we to be beautiful, brilliant, talented and fabulous? But honestly, WHO ARE WE NOT TO BE? Let others see the powerful light within us so that they may find the courage to find theirs.
     
  3. sam bailey

    sam bailey Well-Known Member

    Hey Teach,

    Welcome back.

    Like Zoie (and plenty of others), I wondered what happened to you. You were here, you were posting, you were, IMO, giving wonderful, and wonderfully kind, advice...and you were participating in, well, in life!

    Then you were not.

    Truth is, Carol, when a "regular" suddenly stops posting, just stops(!), like the end-rattle of a screen door slamming shut, it usually means...relapse.

    But, of course, that's okay. No, not that a relapse is EVER okay; it is, though, what happens to junkies, drug addicts and dope fiends.

    It's what happens to people. To good people. To good people who, even while they're on their Recovery Journey, slip and fall.

    The key, of course, the important/essential/vital key(!), is that you're back. You've picked yourself up, dusted off your britches, told the truth, faced down those g.d. demons once again! and you're back on that Road to Recovery. A little worse for wear? Maybe. Maybe not. No matter. You...are...back.

    Good move, Carol. Great decision. Honesty IS the first step.

    I'm glad you've returned...and yes, please do (you must!) post daily!

    best,

    sam

    sam bailey
     
  4. gettingbetter

    gettingbetter Well-Known Member

    Carol,

    You have been -- and still continue to be -- a huge inspiration to me. Thank you so much for being honest. It will help so many people.

    Thank you for being my teacher, Carol.

    love,
    Danielle
     
  5. tubalkain

    tubalkain Well-Known Member

    Yeah teach, relapse is part of recovery, you know that, the best laid plans go wrong and sometimes a flood is needed to start fresh.

    Relapse is like getting drunk and having sex with a guy you were in an abusive relationship with but who was good in bed and you hope he has changed. Well, he hasn't. What happened? I mean, was there something stressful that provided the excuse or did you just drift off?
     
  6. arlenewla

    arlenewla Well-Known Member

    Carol my dear....I too suspected as much. I'm very sorry for your pain.

    Can you tell us where you're at now...still using or clean? You said "getting back up". As in the present tense...or as in, have gotten back up. I too would like to know how this recommenced for you.

    Sweets...while relapse can be a part of recovery...it is not mandatory. It does not have to be. That concept, for me, would lead to, Gee...that's just what addicts do. That's a permission giver none of needs to run with.

    Talk to us darlin'.

    Love,[x2x]
    Ar

    Arlene
    Free;12-25-02


    <center>THERE IS NOTHING SO REMARKABLE AS BEARING WITNESS
    TO THE TRANSFORMATION OF THE HUMAN SPIRIT
    </center>
     
  7. tubalkain

    tubalkain Well-Known Member

    Excuse me, I learned this "relapse is part of the recovery" doctrine here, whoever came up with that, it actually makes no sense whatsoever.
     
  8. Living Free

    Living Free Well-Known Member

    Hello Carol...its going to be ok. You know, I have to tell you - I thought of you today - truly incredible that it was today less than an hour ago. We're all here for you and glad to see that you decided to come back and post on what's goin on with you. Prayers are with you...

    "Everyone Thinks Of Changing The World,
    But No One Thinks Of Changing Himself" - Leo Tolstoy

    HONESTY Doesnt Leave The Door Open For Interpretation
     
  9. Parachute

    Parachute Well-Known Member

    Hey Teach...welcome back. We missed ya around here. By coming back and posting you help yourself and your recovery by being honest. You also help me and my recovery. I learn from you coming back that it has not gotten any better OUT THERE in USINGVILLE!!! Thanks for keepin it real. Congratz on your decision to get clean...a journey of a million miles starts with that first step..
    PEACE


    All Best
    P
     
  10. teach07

    teach07 Well-Known Member

    Thanks to all of you. It means more than I can say to know you care.

    Ar..... I have been using on and off for about 6 weeks. I picked up a white chip today at my home group and have not used since Sat. I have been clean for about 48 hours. No withdrawals to speak of. By the grace of God I realized that I couldnt keep living a lie BEFORE It got too bad.

    As far as wht happened, well....... I stopped calling others, posting here, going to my nite meeting and most importantly lost contact with my HP.

    I am having an ok day today...like I said before...You are only as sick as your secrets and being honest has helped so much.

    Thank you all again. I love Ya'll!!!!!!

    Carol

    Anything worth having is worth working for!
     
  11. arlenewla

    arlenewla Well-Known Member

    Well, sweets...I'm glad you didn't say that you got a flat tire or your nail broke...'cuz its always something.

    Yes, I understand Carol. The latter being the most important...maintenence of spiritual condition offers us the daily reprieve.

    Listen, sweets...you're talking about the disconnect and the disconnect juxtaposes you from one state to another. Either from active state to recovery or the prelapse before the ultimate relapse.

    I'm betting that before you used...that if someone had plunked a bottle of pills in your face...you wouldn't have picked up. That's a frontal attack...and easy to figure out. Relapse is far more subtle sh*t...which makes it all that more cunning & baffling. Like the enemy who attacks from the rear...you don't see it coming until feeeeel like you've been sucker punched. Not so...its not a wham, bamm, thank you m'am.

    The point is that relapse can be seen a mile away when we're mindful.

    In active state: Feelings, thoughts, actions

    In recovery: Actions, thoughts, feelings

    And the bottom line, Carol...is that if you don't pickup/use...you can't relapse. Ever.

    Babe...where's your sponsor and step work in that list?

    Arlene
    Free;12-25-02


    <center>THERE IS NOTHING SO REMARKABLE AS BEARING WITNESS
    TO THE TRANSFORMATION OF THE HUMAN SPIRIT
    </center>
     
  12. OnMyWay

    OnMyWay Well-Known Member

    Hi Carol. Welcome home. I've missed you.
     
  13. Allgood

    Allgood Well-Known Member

    Carol - welcome back. Opportunity for growth .... what are we going to do differently this time sweetie?

    Much love,
    Tom
     
  14. teach07

    teach07 Well-Known Member

    Ar...thnks so much. What you say is dead on....my sponsor and step work are part of the list.....I am also going to attend some NA meetings and have another sponsor for that.

    What am I going to do different...for starters.... pray every day as often as it takes... even if I think I am OK. Easy to pray when its bad... its when its good that I think I got it.

    Call my sponsor and others EVERY DAY. I talked to 6 people on the phone today and went to 2 meetings.

    Take off the coat of armour I were daily. I AM NOT INVINCIBLE. I mean how I can still hold on to that sh*# after all I have been thru is beyond me.....so I seek out help and I LISTEN.

    Bottom line I MUST stay connected...here on ODR... to the fellowship of fantastic people I have the honor of now knowing at home and to GOD.

    Thanks again to all who have posted. I need yall and for the first time I feel OKAY with that.

    Love..... Carol

    Anything worth having is worth working for!
     
  15. arlenewla

    arlenewla Well-Known Member

    So, babe...how does it feeeeel to be a mere mortal?[x2x]

    Arlene
    Free;12-25-02


    <center>THERE IS NOTHING SO REMARKABLE AS BEARING WITNESS
    TO THE TRANSFORMATION OF THE HUMAN SPIRIT
    </center>
     
  16. teach07

    teach07 Well-Known Member

    It feeeeeeeeelllllls kinda good. Thanks LaBomba... I needed that[x2x]


    Carol


    Anything worth having is worth working for!
     
  17. teach07

    teach07 Well-Known Member

    Goodmorning all....I am beginning day 3 on this part of my journey....I think I underestimated yhe possiblitiy of WD this go round.....Feel crappy...sleep ...well I wont even go there....runny nose and the blues......However I am grateful it isnt any worse cause I know from experience it could be.

    Seeing as I havent had my own thread ( heaven forbid the concrete marsmallow would need to reach out and finally get real) I think I'll just play it by ear...may ramble..may not...Got to stop trying to think myself into a sober life...The people here and in my fellowship at home are part of my heart....My Recovery journey has thus far been more in my head....cant force it...gotta go with the flow...hard to do for this KNOWLEGE is power mindset I have always lived by....so...today I will....

    Ask my HP for help and guidance
    Post here at least 3 more times
    Go to an AA meeting and an NA meeting
    Call my sponsor and others
    Work on Step One AGAIN ( gotta make a 100 on this one Carol)
    BE GRATEFUL

    Hope all is well with you all today..... Carol




    Anything worth having is worth working for!
     
  18. jdude

    jdude Well-Known Member

    Hey Carol....glad to see you're posting with the ODR family again.

    While the relapse is possible....it's not the 'grade' you get. Being a teacher, isn't the learning as important?;)

    By continuing to share your strengths,hopes,insight,compassion,and yes...perhaps a weakness...you're still 'top of the class'.[^]Still learning...still sharing.

    Welcome back.
    Jay

    <center>You can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking that caused them in the first place.</center>
     
  19. teach07

    teach07 Well-Known Member

    Thanks Jay....right back at ya....the top of the class part that is!!!

    Been a rough day....slightly sick...emotions all over the place...typical WD but not nearly as bad as last time.

    Listening to some really loud REO as I type!!!!! Boy it picks me up!!!! I was doing the music hour every day back during the summmer and had forgotten how TUNES seem to help me connect with my HP. (even if it is rock and roll:D)

    Will be back later tonite after my NA meeting.

    Love to all..... Carol



    Anything worth having is worth working for!
     
  20. gettingbetter

    gettingbetter Well-Known Member

    REO Speedwagon? Any particular favorites?

    You never have to do this again, Carol ... and you're living the dream. Love the 'concrete marshmellow' analogy btw. Great mental picture.

    Let us know how your meeting went and the rest of your day. Remember that gift of desperation. Beautiful stuff.

    love,
    me (Dani)
     

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