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new here, been tapering for a year at 20mg now, i have some questions?

Discussion in 'Detoxing from Methadone' started by davy87nj, Oct 26, 2010.

  1. davy87nj

    davy87nj Active Member

    Hi my name is David im 23 and im new here. how cool to actually have a forum for this stuff. well long story short, i started useing oxys in phoenix while in technical school, that quickly turned to herion and basically everything fell apart.
    i moved home after 2 and a half years of drug use, at least i graduated school though. I couldnt obtain herion daily in this small town in CA so i got on methadone. I have been on ever since, alittle over 3 years. Its an Aegis Clinic. I really believe methadone saved my life. but now im ready to be normal again. My head is right i know that much, i know if i get clean ill never pick up again, im sure everyone says that but man i mean it. I was at 110 for over a year, slowly going up from 70mg to 110mg when i started, and stabilized at 110 for a while. Over the last year i have dropped to 20mg. So now im trying to move to nj. I want to be off before i go hopefully. I cant afford it anymore and i have no license, i got a few duis(guess opiates arnt my only problem, alcohol is too, havnt drank for 10 months tho), so it would be tough to stay on methadone in NJ. Its oct 25th now and im leaving for NJ on Nov 26th. My dad will be driving me and my dogs. I just want to know what you guys think i guess, can i do it, any tips or concerns? anything non narcotic that can help me? My clinic doctor said he will perscribe me clonodine, what do you think about that? any info would be greatly appreciated, even negitive.
    basically 4 weeks to get off 20mg, its so low compared to what i used to be on its amazing it even affects me, but it does, i still need it, and believe me i try everyday to not take it, wishing i wake up with out the need for it, i still get a little sick in the mornings, more like in a fog till i take it, i almsot feel like its in my head but i really dont know. I dont know why im asking probably looking for an answer to make me confident.
    Im wondering if i can do it, i feel like i can. I am fine at 20 mg, i actually this week have not even taken it all, so im probably a little lower, but its hard to tell how much because they water the liquid down some. Basically im feeling a little weak, some hot and cold sweats at night, low motivation, but its nothing like coming off cold turkey, i can deal with it. well ill stop rambling, sorry for the novel, any info would be great, if you need more info let me know. Ive never talked on a forum about this stuff, actually my parents dont even know i been on, another reason its hard to relocate to a new clinic while keeping it secret, but yea sorry if i typed to much info. thank you.
  2. davy87nj

    davy87nj Active Member

    Oh yeah, also i have never met anyone who ever got off methadone and actually made it. No one at my clinic i know has ever gotten off. Guess Christopher Columbus didnt ask around if anyone else has gone to America to see if it was possible when he discovered it huh? But it would be nice to know or talk to someone who has done it. Only friends of mine who got clean did it in jail and off herion not methadone, it is different. thanks
  3. shar586

    shar586 Well-Known Member

    Hi davy87nj, to be onest I think you've got it covered, the only thing I would add, is that you could easily taper in 2 weeks (or less), rather than 4. But some people, more so for mental reasons, and you are on a maintenance script anyways, like to take their time, so it probably wouldnt make a difference for you. But I hear you say your leaving on the 26th of Nov, perhaps you could be done before then? I can tell from your post you are ideed serious about getting off that s***. I wish I could say nice things about meth like you, but unfortunately I cant. Im also detoxing from a heroin addiction, using methadone. I think your doctor is right about clonidine, when your ready to jump. You are already at a low dose, so your ready to go really. That's great :)
    Please continue to post your recovery, as many people would love to support you through this time, it also helps many people that may be going through, or plan on going through what you are.
    Ill wish you all the best, and look forward to your updates.

    Shar. ;)
  4. jdude

    jdude Well-Known Member

    Welcome to ODR Davey. Congrats on the focus towards recovery...and the huge progress! 110 to 20 is huge! :)

    As far as the taper plan, there isn't a one size fits all. Some common issues do appear, at the lower doses, some find they need to make smaller reductions. Some need time to adjust or get stable at the lower dose. It's as much a physical issue as it is emotional and mental.

    You have some big pluses on your side...age and determination. You've lined up some clonidine for at or near post jump...another great step.
    As to is it doable in the time frame....that's on you. Maybe take a look where you at, and have been. You went from 110 to 20 in a year's time. So your plan is working for you.
    What about writing out a plan and see how it goes. Maybe Dave and some of the folks could have a look see and offer some advice or suggestions. Or at least share their experiences specific to your sits to help you along.
    In the mean time, read some of the threads....yes it is very doable, and so worth it.

  5. Methadone

    Methadone Member

    Hi Davy ,
    Don't listen to anyone that tells you you can't stop Methadone . The first few days (7-14) are tuff but can be done one day or hour at a time . Sure it's tuff , Maybe the hardest thing you will ever do for yourself but you can get through it . I went CT ( some pot & wine was used at night the first week ) after 10 years on Methadone & Vicodin at home with my wifes help ( I am older then you , 63 years old) . It's only been 70 days now but I fell so much better then when I was on Methadone . Having fun again and starting to enjoy life more and more each day. When on drugs I felt like crap all the time . LoL Ron
  6. davy87nj

    davy87nj Active Member

    thanks everyone for the replys and the link to the success stories, i needed to know it could be done, since here no one i know or met has ever gotten off.
    I do have good things to say about methadone only because it got me away from sticking my self with needles everyday and becoming a criminal. But the MMT program is flawed. i see it as somewhat of a lesser evil. I cant believe that at my clinic they offer a free lunch(mcdonalds is across the street) to anyone who brings a new patient in for a 21 day detox when they know 99% of 21day detox patients turn into maintence, most time after being on vicodin or norcos, non opiate, drugs. And actually they made their problem worse. much worse. also they say taking methadone is like a diabetic taking insulin, but the truth is, its not the same at all. I believe the clinic treats us more like criminals in a court program, when it isnt. but im sure all of you heard ever story about the dislikes of MMT programs. I wish i would of came off herion cold turkey instead of gettin on methadone and wasteing these years of my life. but in reality being stable on methadone for 3 years got my mind right. I dont crave a high anymore, and it took a while on methadone to get rid of that obsession, i actually used herion the first year with methadone, so hopefully it works for me and i can get off and stay clean, i wouldnt really reccommend MMT to anyone though. Im grateful for some people who work at my clinic who truly want to help, they are supportive even tho they almost seem like they dont want you to really get off. but yeah. anyways thanks for the info i appreciate it and keep it coming please. I have been looking around this site and its really great to have so much real info from people who know. Im happy i found it and ill for sure post on my recovery, especially if it might help someone. --David
  7. aprsh

    aprsh Well-Known Member

    Hi David, I just wanted to chime in here and say that once you get to zero you will still have withdrawal. It is amazing what just a little bit can do. You have being young on your side tho, you will bounce back quicker.
    take care
  8. shar586

    shar586 Well-Known Member

    Hi David, I agree regarding the MMT, too often they just automate it, without considering the patient/addict. Most people I know on a MMT are taking more than double what they should (and more!), just because they were allowed to advise on their own how much to take. They also dont seem to advise people on the option to detox in a shorter time, they just put them on a long term script! (my partner is one of these people). Like you said, sometimes they seem to just under estimate the person seeking recovery, treating them like criminals, or just people they have to deal with in their jobs! Dont even get me started on MMT- but it does seem to work for some, its a case of better the devil you know I suppose, but not all! (I cant believe it about the free meal!!!).
    Anyways how are you doing?
  9. davy87nj

    davy87nj Active Member

    My story of coming off methadone. 110mg to 5mg then jump..

    I had another post up, but i cant access it for some reason.. so ill just repost.
    I left my clinic in Ca and moved to Nj with 7 12mg take homes, and 10 10mg pills i bought off the street. At the clinic i dropped from 110 to 12mg which felt like a huge deal to me and i figured i wouldnt really get sick being so low. So i rationed my doses and stopped at 10mg when i had 4 10mg pills left just in case. i made it 7 days and was hurting bad then xmas came. so i took 5mg for that day, my family does not know about my issues so i dont have support and couldnt explain being sick for more than a week to everyone. After that i went a few days with out anything then new years came and i took 5 again. that was my last dose. so now its been 5 days clean.
    Its better then day 5 the first time, but it still sucks. If the devil is real he is here with me all day and night. if i wasnt in an area where i couldnt pick up some type of opiate i would be screwed, i donno if i have the will power to indure this torture. I got offered suboxone from some guy in probation yesterday but i didnt take hime up on the offer. So i guess thats good. Right now im wishing i would of just came off heroin years ago and never got on the M. I been useing full on for 5 years, methadone was the last 3 years, and i dropped from 110mg to 12mg over the 2010 year. Only thing methadone did was get me out of the illegal drug game, and take away the horrible empty cravings i had to shoot up heroin.
    So im going to stick this out, but i am constantly questioning my sanity. thoughts of suicide are around often, along with the thought that im never gonna be better. I dream everynight of going to jail with out methadone and freaking out, cause that has happened to me before. I really dont even know who i am anymore, the past years are a blur. and all the people that i was associated with are gone from my life. Anyways im kinda rambling, but i just needed to let this out. Im hopeing i get better as soon as possible, im over this sweating, weakness, shakyness, and the depression. Cant say i miss going to the clinic, but im hopeing this is gonna be worth it in the end. Im not someone who wants to be tied down. Thanks for reading this.. --David
  10. Msmessup

    Msmessup Well-Known Member

    Re: My story of coming off methadone. 110mg to 5mg then jump..

    Hey, u are brave. If ur on day 5 then please don't turn back. U made it so far. I give u credit for doing what u did. U got this. U already doing it. Ill post more later I'm at work kk?
  11. spring

    spring Administrator

    Re: My story of coming off methadone. 110mg to 5mg then jump..

    Sorry Dave, We're having a problem with some members not being able to access threads with only one page. So I am going to bring your other posts together with this one. That should allow you access to your thread. Sorry about this.
  12. Sean

    Sean Well-Known Member

    Dumb question...How many reports? I am having no problems. Could be a configuration problem on their end.

    If you need help, I am here for ya Spring.

  13. Msmessup

    Msmessup Well-Known Member

    Dave how r things?? I misread ur posts. I thought u were 5 days clean but it seems a lot more than that. I hope all is well. Remeber u jumped at a pretty high dose so that has to be hard. Stick with it. Let us know how ur doing. Ur always welcome here.
  14. davy87nj

    davy87nj Active Member

    hey, sorry for not responding to any of the responses you guys gave me, i read em and i appreciate it. i been having trouble clicking on the links to my post unless its over one page, i donno why.

    well basically i went 6 days before new years coming off about 10mg. it was hell. i had to use my "reserves" on x mas and new years(5mg, i broke 10mg pills in half) and between i took 5mg every other day. then after the 1st, i am totally out. i been off for 11 days for real, and thats all im really counting. but i been basically sick for awhile. i think useing that small amount of methadone to get thru the family holiday stuff just restarted the withdrawals.

    every day is a little better but im still "sick" i can function a little now. the depression isnt so bad. sleep is a few hours at a time and when i wake up im kicking the bed sheets pretty good, so i get up walk around smoke a cigeratte and that seems to help. i have horrible anxiety at times, feel like some one is poking me with 1000 needles on my back quite often. I sweat all the time and still have diarrhea. so i donno when its gonna end, im hopeing soon.

    i would like to be able to be productive again. i dont really remember how i felt 5 and a half years ago when i had never used an opiate drug, so i worry that this is just normal life, but 11 days isnt much compared to stories i hear some im gonna stick it out and take it day by day, but the days are very long, so i should take it min by min lol. every now and then i get like this natural high and i feel happy but it last for moments. thanks for the support, its so tough but im hopeing its gonna be worth it.
    Oh yeah, i can actually eat now, so thats a plus. Im loosing some weight i gained which i think was from methadone. what helps me get thru the hard time is of course thinking of my friends and people i knew who died while on methadone and herion and my friends that are in prison.
    I recently got in contact with an old friend from when i was doing heroin in phoenix and he has been clean for a while, hes an inspriation to me because i never thought he would get clean, i actually thought out of all my friends i would be clean first. but thats not true. im the last, so that makes me want it more.

    I watch alot of movies and try to get into them, it helps take my mind off things. Watching movies with drugs is a bad idea, that messed me up a little. so no trainspotting, candy, pulp fiction for me. I should go to NA meeting but im stuck with out a license so yeah. again i have no family support, im sure they know but i cant bring my self to admit it to them. its my problem not theirs and i would like to take care of it on my own. but i wouldnt recommend doing it like that, the thoughts i was haveing in day 5,6 and 7 were very dangerous and support would of been nice. this site helps me alot when i read about other people having success getting off methadone. so thank you.
    best wishes to you all..
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2011
  15. davy87nj

    davy87nj Active Member

    So its day 13. I slept from about 1230 till 530 last night, woke up wide awake and experiencing some anxiety. I go have a cigeratte and feel better but i cant go back to sleep. Oh well. Its strange because in the morning i feel like i wanna get up and go do something. and a couple hours into the day i kinda get bogged down back into feeling pretty weak and having some chills and stuff. Last night i just wished i could go for a drive, to the middle of nowhere and just chill there alone. Not a bad thing because i like to do that, if i had a license i would of. Think maybe i just need some peace. I think needing some peace and to numb pain of everyday life and disapointment was my reason for starting to use. I do absoulty miss when i used heroin just sitting im my car for hours nodding, same with after i took my dose of methadone when i was up high. i think i probably sat at jack in the box for probably a months time straight just have awake half asleep if i added it up. i hope i find something else that i enjoy that relaxes me, sober. I do find at times im feeling very guilty for the way i have been. I feel bad for myself everytime i see old friends that have got clean a while ago from jail and rehab(was never an option for me) and are living life now. Its like these last 5 years i didnt age mentally, i just stayed at 18 years old, the things ive learned i wish i didnt. None of them want anything to do with me really. Maybe because they are clean now and probably dont believe i am they dont want those old parts of their life coming up when they talk to me. i donno I have crazy dreams still, some about useing or im doing something or in jail and realize i need my methadone, and i freak out and for some reason just cant get to the clinic. anyways lets see how today goes, gonna try and not over think it today, i almost think i bring periodic withdrawls on my self sometimes. well thats enough. thanks for the support odr, really helps to have a place to read stories and write mine down, considering i would never actually talk to someone in person about this, unless they been thru it. Typeing it up helps.
  16. peacenik

    peacenik Administrator

    Yes, and David, you're going through the same sort of feelings I did and I can promise you they will fade and, in time, it will be you living and enjoying life.

    You know I'm looking back over your post and you said:
    That is an important insight and if you're like me, over time the origins of that feeling - that you can't handle lifes disappointments - will become more clear to you.

    If you stay clean David, you get the opportunity to learn that you can indeed handle life. That is huge, and it sounds as if you're on your way. :)

    Stay focused, don't substitute another drug, and hang in there come hell or high water and you'll never regret it. This is a very tough time, but a time you'll look back on with pride, it's the time you began to get back to who you really are.

    good luck David

  17. davy87nj

    davy87nj Active Member

    thenks for the reply peacenik. Today was alittle tougher. Not sure why, it just came over me pretty badly. I keep questioning if ill ever feel better, i dont wanna live with these chills sweating and loose bowels for too long. this is a long process, i never thought it would be this tough coming from what i thought was alow dose. I hope i dont have anxiety like this normally and i have just been supressing it with the methdone all these years. i have not been substituting for anything. i tried alittle alcohol a few days back it it didnt work. Im out of everything i had from the first time i went 6 days. I have another script for colonidine but i dont even know if they will fill it here since it was written in ca about 8 weeks ago, but its a refil. I checked my blood pressure and its not high so i figure ill just go about it with nothing. Im compulsive with everything except weed which i hate anyways, so i know i cant use anything to try and help the situation. Lets hope tomorrow is better. Its tough to sit around being so lazy, but im not ready to go out in public yet. I always been shy and nervous before i started useing, then i just didnt care, so now i guess thats something i got to work on after this. guess im paying my toll to get over this bridge right now, its an expensive one too.
  18. davy87nj

    davy87nj Active Member

    day 20! ya its only 3am or something but its still day 20 and im pretty happy about that.
    i have made it a point to get out and do something everyday the last few days, walk the dogs, go to the mall, whatever. Its a little embarrassing because my mom has to take my places, but it makes me feel better to get fresh air and excersize. i can not sit around any more. Im not 100percent by any means, but i think im gettin there. i feel pretty akward in public areas and i smoke cigerattes like no other, maybe anxiety i donno. still loose bowels which is really lame, but its better. I donno this is a strange question, but i really sweat like no other. not like hot and cold sweats anymore. armpits and other undesirable areas for sweat. its really embarrassing, its worse when i go to probation or somewhere i get nervous. its really cold here in NJ too. i donno, i dont remember that being normal for me, maybe when i was like 16. anyone have info on that i could use it, its embarrassing to ask. mornings are hard for me, i feel sick until i get up. kicking my legs alittle, basically restless even if im tired. otherwise im doing pretty good. forcing my self to apply for jobs, i have unemployment but i cant sit around anymore. trying to find a job and an apartment in NYC, that way my problem with no license wont effect me as much. i just hope if i get a job i can get the energy to do it. anyways thanks for all the replies, this site has been a god send for me this last 20 days.
  19. jdude

    jdude Well-Known Member

    Hey Davy...first off..Congrats on the 20 days! :)

    The sweats....yep very normal..and yes annoying. I call it the 'broken thermostat' stage...or more to the point the 'buttons and zipper' stage. :eek: Makes it easier to get the sweaty shirts off and on..off and on. The warm showers will help some...and time. They are short lived and a sign you're healing.


  20. tukatookybirdy

    tukatookybirdy Well-Known Member

    Hi Davy...if you still have any bathroom issues...grab some immodium and use it sparingly. You are doing a great job....I'm sorry I didn't see your post sooner. I've been off meth for over two years now and it is WONDERFUL. Hey, the first 90 days was hell for me...I'm old, 53, and I kicked like a mule and couldn't walk for a long time. But you are young and your body will be kinder to you.

    Now that you are on 'the other side' you need to find some groups or peeps that you can relate with. It might not be a bad idea to come clean with your parents now that you are better. It seemed easier for me to talk to my relatives after I detoxed. Having lots of people to talk to can sometimes keep you from relapsing when you're having bad days.

    I'll keep a check on you too.....sorry you didn't get the support early but it is really important now. Sara

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