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new here, been tapering for a year at 20mg now, i have some questions?

Discussion in 'Detoxing from Methadone' started by davy87nj, Oct 26, 2010.

  1. davy87nj

    davy87nj Active Member

    thanks for the last two replies. I kinda was starting to think im not normal while sober. but its day 25. i went on job interviews yesterday, it was rough, i was nervous when i used to just be like whatever. I feel pretty good, i still sweat to much, its like a nervous thing almost i think. ill try some immodium, i did in the beginning but my stomach was like cramping up and i wasnt sure if it was from that, so i stopped. i go thru the whole day till 4 or 5pm then i get pretty tired and take a nap, which probably keeps me up all night. then i fall asleep in the mornings. my mind runs 100mph when im trying sleep. But this is all minor compared to the first 10 days. and its minor compared to being on methadone and dealing with the clinics and giving all my money to them. at least i like to tell my self that. i get a few cravings every now and then, just like an empty hold in my stomach, dont know if that makes sense but the opiates always fixed that up for me. i think i got that job so im moving to NYC, gonna get my self on a good routine and keep my mind off the bad stuff.
    I still dont know about telling my parents, its tough, maybe in time after im moved out of their house. thanks for the replys.
     
  2. davy87nj

    davy87nj Active Member

    hey. so its day 29. I feel pretty good. I got a new job in Brooklyn, start monday, and today i went and got an apartment, well a room in an apartment im going to share with 2 people. i dont know if im ready for all this but i really cant sit around anymore. I havnt worked unmedicated in a very very long time. hopefully i can have the energy to wake up ride the subway an hour to work and do a good job. i figure by sticking my self in this tough situation it will help me. Keep my mind off the bad stuff at the least. Im just gonna have to force my self to get it done, hopefully it will become easy. Now im in the situation where i cant just back out, got a new job rent that kinda stuff, i think thats a good thing for me. so we will see. i get a little anxiety sometimes, and very rare chills. I am just nervous when i go to do things, i havnt felt that way in a long time. Self conscience thoughts happen all the time, mostly cause i sweat a little abnormally. Well I had this dream to live in NYC, meet new people and experience new things(not drugs of course, thats an old thing for me). Well i did it, im there lets hope i can follow through. Thanks odr for being there for me. only support i have had thru this. no meetings, no family support. I cant believe i did it, im off. this is the longest clean time i had in 5 and a half years, it feels good. I hope everyone has a good day. Thanks
     
  3. peacenik

    peacenik Administrator

    David,
    Hope the new job goes well. At 30 days the worst is behind you. Just know that things will get better as you go. In time, you'll feel perfectly normal without drugs. You'll be free, you won't be hiding from anyone, and you'll have a little money to do the things you really want to do.

    Dave
     
  4. Michael30

    Michael30 Member

    I haven't been on here in forever but felt like I needed to post today. I have gotten down to 20mg. But I just went from 25 to 20 and I feel crappy but its getting there. i dont know why I am posting just felt like today was the day to get back on the forum. I have to be honest though. I am taking a half of blue to a whole blue xanax at night. I know I shouldn't but between my axiety being through the roof (always bad, now worse), I need the sleep for work cause I im up all night I worry myself to death and feel like crap at work and dont' get anything done. Once I level off I drop the xanax...I also try not to take it every day. But when I drop dosage, I end up taking my second methadone dose earlier then I should just to get through work. so then I go home and take the xanax and some advil for my legs. Once I level off I stop the xanax for a few days and then drop again and start xanax again. I also try to get myself into a movie or a game. I also smoke pot at night. I have not abused pot like I have with alcohol and rx meds. I smoke at night. And I go months without it. I just wanted to be honest this time around fully when posting. I can work on the pot thing later I guess I feel. Right now i just want off opiates. I have been on some type of opiates straight for almost 10 years....im 31. And in those last 9-10 years, I was only clean once for about a week 5 years ago to pass a drug test for my job and a couple days here and there. I have done this taper before and a little over a year ago I got down to 15mg and then started using again on weekends and stuff. You know the drill. I just hope to make it this time. Not gonna say I am cause I have in the past and that got me nowhere. I am going to try my best and do feel motivated. I don't have a desier for oxies or 30s like I use to. I use to take methadone and still want to use. Now I wouldn't take a oxy if someone gave it to me for free. I wanna stick with the methadone and just get off it asap. I will stop rambling now. I hope no one took my post the wrong way as I am not condoning the use of other drugs whatsoever, just wanted to be honest this time.
     
  5. Michael30

    Michael30 Member

    And I decided to post here just because I think your story is great and I want to try and beat it like you did. Congrats!
     
  6. peacenik

    peacenik Administrator

    Hi Michael. If you'd like you might start your own thread. We could keep up with how your doing and offer you support :eek:

    I'll tell you this. I'm a believer in total abstenence - I havent taken anything stronger than an aspirin in over twenty years. But I still remember in the NA book it says "Get clean any way you can". And if you're kicking, and you're using the sedative for a limited time as a detox aid, well, I can't fault you for that. If I hadn't been locked up in a hospital I probably would have done the same.

    Now if you read our threads here there are some milder things you can take to help you sleep, maybe you can work your way down to the melatonin at the tail end of your detox.

    Anyway, best of luck to you
    Dave
     
  7. davy87nj

    davy87nj Active Member

    Hey, michael30. It can be done. im on day 43. im doing pretty good. got a job and working. Actually doing something all day helps even tho its a little tough at times. I dont know how long you been on methadone, but it took me a year to stop chipping while on methadone. It took a while for me to not wanna use to get high, because i wasnt really high on methadone, even tho it did have its effects when i was up there in the dose. Congrats on the drop, thats the first step, try not to think about it to much. I think it has alot to do with your mind when your tapering. Waking up in the morning is awesome to know i dont need to take anything to get thru my day. I reccommend you take it as slow as possible and dont try and jump to early if you can help it. I believe i went to fast thinking 20mg was so low of a dose and that its not doing anything for me. I wish i would of spent a few months to come off fully to 1mg, but i did not have that luxury. Only times i have issues thru the day are when im working is my legs hurt, not like when i jumped but its more like after you worked out, im not used to that i guess. I sleep all night now, no problems. I work my *** off so thats probably why. Everyone says when you jump a little excersize is good, and believe them it is. I still sweat for no reason and i dont know why that is, i would like to see a doctor about it because its embarrassing. well anyways im rambling, good luck michael you can do it, i did and i was the defination of a dope feind for a long time, and i thought i was hopeless, and all the bs the clinic gave made it feel more impossible, especially never actually seeing anyone come off. i think im the only one this year to drop the clinic and actually get clean, as sad as that sounds.


    On a side note, kinda of a rant. Im doing the straight and narrow in NYC, working going home sleeping and working again. i ride the subway to and from work. Not drinking going out and partying just making money and paying my debts to the courts for bad **** i done. So i use a pocket knife at work because im a mechanic, its tiny, like a 3in blade. Well friday night im transfering trains and i get arrested by plain clothes officers in the subway. the pocket clip of the knife was showing, because i didnt think it was a problem. they held me 5 hours in jail then let me go on a court summons. while i was there detectives "briefed" me asking if i knew where to get drugs and guns, for once in a long time i have no idea. I been in the city 3 weeks and im not useing or looking to. ******* cops. Only good thing about the situation was i was not freaking out cause i had to dose in the morning, if they decided to send me to central booking. But jail still sucks either way. i wanted to punch the walls and yell because these cops have no idea how hard it been to get to where i am, doing everything right and they pinch me for criminal possesion of a weapon, for a 25 dollar pocket knife. anyways BS charges. Gonna have to pay for this one too. Karma maybe. everyone have a good one!
     
  8. peacenik

    peacenik Administrator

    :) yeah. I remember when I used I took advantage of everything and everybody. Any way to get a few bucks for drugs. But boy, after I got clean just let someone overcharge me, or my wife and I'd go ballistic.

    So I came to see that they'd have to rip me off a hell of a lot to get close to all the stuff I took when I was living a dishonest life. This goes for relationships too - another lesson I learned the hard way.

    So, congratulations David, it sounds like you're right where you're supposed to be. It is rough that first year, but I can promise you that if you hang in there it will all come out OK. In a few more months you'll relax. It can take a long tiime to fully accept that you're an addict - well it took me a year or two to accept that I was in recovery, that this new life was real and that no one could take it away. You'll be fine - good luck

    Dave
     
  9. davy87nj

    davy87nj Active Member

    Its amazing on how fast time went by while i was useing and on methadone, and now i got 50 days and it feels like it took forever to get here. Im feeling ok, just adjusting to this 9 to 5 working stuff. I dont think i really understand routine. working is tough on me now. days are long when it used to be days were short, probably because i would sleep most of them and i had a job that i was able to get away with murder as long as i did the bare minimum. I can feel that im looking for something to sastify me at the end of the day. something to look foward to. and i got nothing really, except a distant dream of when i get my license back and can go and do whatever i want. i should be counting my blessings that i come home from work eat and SLEEP(lol). But its just all sort of boring. Im happy im clean and have to remind myself that Im actually working with out getting well first. Just putting out how i honestly feel. I would try a little harder to make some new friends and go do stuff, but im not really with it like i was. and i sweat to much, its embarrassing. Maybe i should see a doctor about it, i dont know. Im hoping it will go away because i think its a nervous thing. i wont pick up again though, i still remember how horrible being sick was and when i was sick i would beg God to make this end and I will never get back to this again. Even ask to just make me feel a little better, just enough to get up and appear normal. now im probably asking to much to have these little things go away, but it bothers me. self confidence takes a big hit when im not on anything. anyways yup 50 days its going pretty good. hope everyone has a good one.
     
  10. shar586

    shar586 Well-Known Member

    OMG only just noticed your thread, must have forgotten to subscribe to it, as I was planning on following your journey when I first came accross it all those months back. So day 50, thats amazing - dont worry about the sweating, Im also 5 months clean of heroin, but only 3 weeks clean of using meths for those 5 months, and boy do I sweat - its unreal! My skin also feels on fire constantly, but to the touch its cold. My body core temperature is all over the place. The worst thing so far about the sweating is, Ive only just moved into a new house which came part furnished, and the sofas are leather!! Ill leave the details of that to your imagination - not good. Sweat + leather = dont go there . . . he he. Anyways congrats on reaching 50 days. All the best. ;)
     
  11. davy87nj

    davy87nj Active Member

    im 2 days shy of 3 months off the methadone or any opiates. Its been going good. Being clean is awesome, i almost forget at times i used to have to dose everyday before i could do anything. Im alot stronger than before, physically and mentally i think. I lost weight, but not too much like when i was on heroin. its a good thing since i was over weight. i still sweat from places i feel i shouldnt sweat and i still have somewhat loose stool. maybe its normal, i just dont remember what its like to not be constipated. Its kinda seems(with out to many details) that my body was stunted from age 18 till i finally got clean. I got my first cold in years this weekend. It was no big deal compared to being dope sick. just strange that i dont have a super immune system that methadone seemed to give me. I had a hard time actually saying i was "sick" from the cold to people, because i have used the word so many times to indicate im withdrawling. So yeah. im working makeing money and living. Life is good i guess, i get down at times dealing with the daily grind and worries of normal life, but thats life i guess. I drink some nights, even tho i probably shouldnt, but i dont get compulsive with it anymore. I cant believe i made it threw this, or am making it threw this how ever you see it. This site helped me get support when i really had none, so thanks to everyone who took the time to help me out. I hope everyone can get threw the methadone like i have. It horrible and a long withdrawl, but it does end and things do get better. It feels almost like it was years ago already, another life. i donno. i figured id check in here and say how things are going, hopefully it can help someone get though their hard time.
     
  12. spring

    spring Administrator

    Hi Dave, I read your last post and then went back to read your whole thread. Somehow I lost track of it after the first page months ago.
    What an inspriation you are Dave. You did it. As hard as it was, you trudged through this awful thing and came out the other side. I have deep respect and admiration for the way you got away from the beast.

    A couple thoughts here;
    I was wondering if you have a bicycle. I remember doing a lot of bike riding after getting clean from heroin. I would get a natural high from it. Maybe that would help kick out the rest of the symptoms you're having. If nothing else, it will keep those endorphins flowing so you dont get depressed and keep that occasional drinking from turning into something more sinister.

    Also...During menopause, a woman sweats profusely because of the hormone fluctuations. I have read over and over that long term methadone use can deplete a man's testoterone. Whether it returns to normal levels on it's own or not, I don't know. But I know of plenty of men who have had to get testoserone replacement shot(s) because of their methadone use. This is something you may want to check out.

    Hey, keep on doing what you're doing Dave and please consider writing your story someday down the road so we can add it to the Success Stories page..
     
  13. Hi Dave,
    I have been on ODR a very short while (last night to be exact) and I have just today decided to get help. I am a little bit older than you but it's the same ole story. I am waiting to hear back about some detox options but I did make the call and I really think I am going to follow through. I have the will right now anyways. I have only been an opiate addict for almost 2 years but I was smoking pot for 5 to 6 years before that amost every day of the week. I can't believe you kicked it on your own...I have never done meth, but I have relatives that have been on it for YEARS and they always talk about how hard and how much they wanna stop (I will be referrng them to read your story if you don't mind). I tried a few weeks ago to quit CT and I only lasted 12 hours and I realized today that because of the availability of oxys that I will NEVER be able to do it on my own. Sorry for rambling just wante to throw some kind words your way and let you know that people really do care about you and how you are doing even if just the people here who have read and replied to your posts...stay clean, I hope I can :)
     
  14. davy87nj

    davy87nj Active Member

    thanks everyone for the kind words and support. im coming up on 4 months clean from methadone or any opiate/opiod drug. pretty amazing. times sort of flying now. my 24th birthday is coming up next month. it will be my first birthday in 6 years i will no be useing heroin or methadone! pretty cool.
    2 years ago on my bday i was late to the clinic by like 5 or 10 mins. they wouldnt dose me. i remember almost crying. so that day which was my 22nd bday i used the money from my grandparents to buy heroin off the streets. spent all day getting it and a clean needle. i paid an outragous price for it then fell asleep in my car for 4 hours.
    the reason why i tell this story is im so excited i dont have to deal with that anymore.

    saw a guy on the subway the other day with horrible track marks. gave me chills to see it. he was unshowered and pretty out of it. i remember those days.


    spring, my job is pretty physical and since i have no license i spend alot of time walking to and from the subway. im not much of a bike rider anymore, i smoke to many cigarettes(its all i got left to help me chill out). but the physical and work excersize does help alot. its strange when im at work and start sweating a little(it was warm for like one or 2 days here in NYC) i still get nervous about it, like my dose will wear off. just a habitual thinking i guess, since i have no dose anymore. but until i realized its ok for me to sweat now i didnt mind.

    i feel like when i was on methadone my body was in some sort of hybernation. i dont really know how to explain it, but its like im growing or something again lol.

    hope everyone has a good easter!
     
  15. peacenik

    peacenik Administrator

    :smile: You're in recovery Davy. And keep your mind open OK? Recovery has a way of taking us to places we need to go, of pointing out to us answers that have eluded us and held us back. In short, you get your life back Davy, the life you deserve.

    AndI hope you have a nice Easter week-end too

    Dave
     
  16. davy87nj

    davy87nj Active Member

    Ok so at 8 in a half months and doing well. Im very proud of my self. I hurt my leg jet skiing(thats right i actually do stuff thats fun now instead of constant hustling) and the doctor was trying to give me pain meds while i was in the hospital, like literally shoving it down my throat. I was thinking, why was it so hard for me to get pills and stuff from the doctor when I was useing, and so easy now that i dont really want them. but i said no. then when i left i looked at my scripts for anti biotics because i cut my leg pretty bad, and there it is a script for vicodin. i tore that **** up. thats a big step for me cause i know how good some vicodin could feel after i been clean all this time. But after all this i know where it could of led.

    On a sad note i lost a friend today. Well an old friend, i moved away and last time i seen him was at the clinic. guess he went to rehab and was good for a while. but they found him in his car, badly sunburnt from being in his car all morning, dead. I donno if he was on the methadone at the time, but it was for sure opiate related. He overdosed. I have known him since i was in 8th grade, before drugs and all that, a truly good guy that noone could say a bad word about. His name was Gabby, and we even shared the same birthday, year and everything. This is the second friend who has died from opiate drugs that i was close with. It hits hard, i get goosebumps all over when i think about it. Everyone in our highschool class is sad about it, but i feel even worse, like it could of should of been me at one time. i wish he could of stopped. i have to learn from his death or its all in vein, and this is something that will stick in my mind forever.

    anyways i was just posting up how im doing. needed to let a few things out. Thanks everyone for the support. and i hope everyone can get off methadone and other opiate drugs. good luck everyone!
     
  17. davy87nj

    davy87nj Active Member

    also one thing i should mention. is that i dont even drink much anymore. i say no to it all the time, almost daily because of the guys at my work. ill have a beer or two every now and then when warrented, like tonight after the death of my friend, but somehow, naturally i dont feel like i need to be messed up to do things. i just dont feel like it most of the time. which is also a big change in me. donno how it happened because im not really a complete sobrity guy, i just wanted off the methadone and opiates. but im happy i dont have the extreme urge to drink anymore either. maybe it was the anxiety which has subsided i donno. but its a good thing im sure. thanks!
     
  18. snapper

    snapper Well-Known Member

    Hey Dave,
    I just stumbled onto your thread.
    Wow man what a row to hoe. I'm proud of you and you should be too. Have you had any thoughts about telling the folks??
    Dude I don't know how the hell you pulled through tthe Holidays with the family w/d'n like nobody's biz, but hats off to ya!!
    Yes it is very nice not having to tend to your addiction before you can make it out the door, and I know what you mean abt the drug use in film.
    I was on pins and needles a few nights back watching cocaine cowboys 2 on netflix. I mean I started to bite my nails, I was hypnotized by it.
    I woke up the next day thinkin about it!!
    I can barely watch intervention even though I have a good idea how it will end.
    Keep your head up and who cares how much you sweat. Its what working men do.
    Anyway I wanted to say hello and CONGRATULATIONS!!!
    Kind Regards,
    Snapper
     
  19. davy87nj

    davy87nj Active Member

    Thanks snapper, yeah its been a long road. Last weekend I went through all my paperwork pulling out anything that had to do with the clinic, also had alot of old take home bottles hidden. I lit a nice fire, and had cigarette and a beer(dont usually drink to much anymore) and burned all that stuff. That past is over for me. I still sometimes get down on myself for all the stupid things i have done. Im almost in the clear and ready to fully start a new life. 10 months clean from opiate type drugs, well any drug except alcohol, which i dont have addictive tendencies with anymore. By december i hope to be off probation and have all court fines paid. then in march get my license back. And from their i dont know exactly what im gonna do but its all gonna be on my time, not the clinics time, not the drugs time, not the laws time. So im pretty excited. Even only ten months clean and I sometimes forget how bad the withdrawls were and the hell i went through. I start to take little things for granted. Like working lol. I should be happy i dont need to fix and go to work and spend all my money on drugs like i used to, but i still dislike working. even though life is really easier for me. All perspective i guess. anyways, im doing pretty well these days. just getting my self out of the deep hole i dug. Gonna be 25 and starting over, but guess it could be worse. I feel so behind everyone i grew up with, they have alot of things, money good jobs, houses, some families. I might as well just be getting out of highschool again. Thing that sucks is not many people want anything to do with me. I mean the people that wernt on drugs in my life. Im not a part of their lives anymore and probably wont ever be. thats hard to deal with, but i think i can handle it. thanks to everyone again who helped me thru this, its much appreciated.
     
  20. snapper

    snapper Well-Known Member

    That's good news. You know some ppl cannot forgive, they may tolerate redeeming behavior but once they've been "betrayed", its over, and that's ok!!
    You stay focused and good will gravitate towards you.
    That sounds awful confident in this economy but success is perception. Right now ygoure an extremely successful survivor of a close brush w/the rest of your life. You took it back, that's admirable, half of my 20yr reunion was divorced, splitting custody, losing homes, didn't have time/money to show up. Don't worry with the Jones', chances are they're MAXXED out and shuffle credit cards arround to buy groceries. That's not normal either, typical, but not normal.
    I'm proud of you and you carry on buddy.
    PS Work does SUCK!!! That's between us ok??
    Snapper
     

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