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Not sure if this belongs here.... Need advice...

Discussion in 'Narcotics Anonymous' started by Westery, Nov 21, 2011.

  1. Westery

    Westery New Member

    Ok here's the deal... I have been on and off clean for four years... I can admit I have relapsed, I've been clean this time for three months. Lately I have been itchy... Lately everything is really getting to me.... Lately I have thought how much easier life was when I used... Or so my mind is thinking.... I realize what this is and I am fighting it... I know im fighting depression and smoking like a chimney... I had quit but when the walls started closing in i couldnt stop...I when I first decided to try to get clean had a great support system in LA... I was never made to stop using, it was a self decision when I lost someone special to me... My friends, manager, everyone they were great, my friends really pulled me out of my discontentment with life, but I never could commit to go to meetings... I moved and now no one here really knows my past accept a few people... They are supportive but don't understand and I know I need to go somewhere I know I need to find something or I am going to break... I am one of these people who have a hard time going somewhere for the first time. Especially this type of thing... The right etiquette the right way to approach... A very stupid question... Can I just show up at a NA meeting.... Do I need to call... I just don't know... Like I said it is stupid but I don't just wanna show up and then not be able to... I've read the literature and that seems to be the case, but I'm just double checking. This is a big step for me and I'm really nervous... But I know I need something. Any suggestions or answers... Sorry I ramble when I'm nervous....
     
  2. arlenewla

    arlenewla Well-Known Member

    Hi Westery & welcome to ODR. We're glad you're here! My name is Arlene.

    Please allow me to reassure you; never be embarrassed to ask questions. How else would we all learn other than by asking questions? And if you ask a question, receive an answer that you don't understand, then ask the question again. No shame to learning...ever!

    To answer your specific question, NO, you don't have to call before attending a meeting (AA/NA). Just show up! And if they ask people to identify by certain lengths of sobriety (ie under 30 days) definitely raise your hand so that others in the room know who you are and that you're new. If the specific meeting asks for a show of people willing to be sponsors, look around the room and after the meeting, approach someone (of the same gender). Talk to them...see if you like the way they sound. Remember, you're not looking for a friend, rather you're looking for someone who has worked all 12 Steps and appears to have what you want. You don't have to do this in your first meeting....just get accustomed to going to meetings & seeing familiar faces.

    I would suggest 90 meetings in 90 days. Its a wonderful thing that you already know you need something....someone...support. That "itchy" feeling is a red neon sign flashing danger. I would suggest that after you've been to several different meetings, that you choose a "home group." I might even suggest you take a committment at that group; ie setting up chairs, making coffee, greeting at the door. A committment is to help guarantee that you will show up at the meeting. People will get to know you and you'll become "a part of." It may sound silly, but after awhile, your home group will be like "Cheers."

    See, Westery, all you have right now are your own thoughts bouncing around in your head. Not good because...drum roll...they're full on addict thoughts. The thoughts, sometimes known as "The Committee" will have conversations with you. Problem is; you don't have any tools yet to filter out the negative Committee thoughts. You may get into the trap of "euphoric recall" wherein you romanticize using. Euphoric recall however, has a major trap....its all about the "good times" when you used and NONE of the consequences of using. That's your demon. I would even go so far as to make the statement that this still surfaces for many of us at different times, but its how we handle it that counts. Thoughts can't hurt you....only negative responses can.

    When I first got sober, I named my alter-ego. Her name is Linda after Linda Blair in the Excorcist. When I'm in full blown addict mode (even if I'm not using), my head spins around & does a 360, I levitate off the bed, and vomit pea soup all over anyone in my presence. I am not cute, I am not pretty. What I am is in total self-will and mean spirited ready to do anything that will serve my purposes and my purposes alone.

    So, Westery.....go to a meeting. And then go to another and another. Don't disappear in the back of the room...sit up front. And remember that EVERYONE in that room went to their first meeting too. Just listen and try to identify. Don't compare your story to a speaker's....listen for the similarities. I have little doubt that there will be something you'll relate to.

    Sooooo, whatch'a think, my dear? Ar
     
  3. Westery

    Westery New Member

    Arlene, my name is actually Sarah. Ive had westery as username for so long I just have become accustomed to using it. It also was/is a nickname. But you first off are completely right. My itchy feeling is a major red neon flashy sign and I am lucky I know this. It's been a rough three years without my core group. Yes they are still there but there is a major difference when you are 3 miles away rather than the 3000 I m right now. Like i said I've never been to a meeting and realize I need to go before totally falling off the deep end. The holiday season is always rough for me. No matter if I'm with family or not. So neon lights are totally flashing. I've made plans to attend a meeting. I just have to decide on which I'm going to. There are many many to choose from. I know it's the right step. It's weird but last summer was really the first time I admitted I guess to myself that I was an addict and able to openingly talk to a few individual. I guess because so many questioned why I didn't party or drink when we went out. Personally I knew what one led to and had been trying to control urges by being totally clean by not drinking or using. But like I said lately its just gotten harder and almost too much. It's hard pretending to be one thing to so many when inside I'm a ball of nerves and a mess. Like you said the commitee starts talking and it gets overwhelming. Thank you for responding. It is great knowing that I'm not alone in these feelings and people do understand.
     
  4. cooperdraw

    cooperdraw New Member

    after i relapsed i went with a friend to a couple meetings to get back in swing of it, it really helped me i could not be left alone I was in bad shape.
     

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