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okay soooooo now what.

Discussion in 'Freedom from Hell ~ Staying Clean~' started by S.Dfien, May 18, 2011.

  1. S.Dfien

    S.Dfien Member

    hey guys its been a while and i dont think ive ever posted anthing here. so today my friend got 4 years sober today. and im stuck here still at 6days. ive seriously relapsed so many times i dont even know how i am here trying this again. i just recently o.d got cotton fever and crashed my moms car got 12 stepped relapsed and am back. again,and again. this fourm rings sooooo true to me cus im like okay so im thro the major detox, still hard to get up and get moving(still sitting in bed..its 1pm) but im sober. im off work today and i have no idea what to...im sober so now what the **** happens....im bored outa my mind im driving myself more insane. ive lost a shitload of people including in sobriety. which sucks cus its like i dont know who to hang out with. its like they think im gunna get them infected with relapses. so i have no friends. my sponcer is busy with finals, and im sober(on subs but thats all) and i feel like crying cus i dont know what to do. this is when using comes in handy cus ill have somthing to do, and a lover who will bever leave me..... but **** that im so ****** all ready. **** u heroin i need to stay sober, i just dont know what the **** to do.... and how to get pass 90 days. sorry if this doesnt make sence, i dont make sence. i just need u guys cus ive lost everyone. and i dont want to fall back again...
  2. jdude

    jdude Well-Known Member

    Congrats on the progress SD....have you lined up a support plan?

    As to the 90 days...we get there one day at a time.

    Btw...what dose of sub are you at? Plans with it?
  3. S.Dfien

    S.Dfien Member

    thanks. well my therapist wont see me until i test and am clean for 30 dayss. i have a sponcer and some meetings. ive lost a lot of people due to my back and forth with sobriety. i get to 90 days and fall off i dont know why. and latley its been hard to even get thro the kick so 6 days is the longest ive had in a while. im at 8mgs right now. ive been off an on subs or shooting heroin for the last year when i fist got put on it. i tried to kick it a few weeks ago but i just ended up using. i saw my doctor the other day and since i have no money for treatment and i am a chronic relapser he wants to keep me on it for a while again, to see if i can get long term sobriety, or longer then what im used to before i go down. i have mixed feelings with it, but right now im so despreate to get sober and scared of myself and dr. rand is such a known doctor whos been on intervention and saved millions of people im just listening to him. but i dont want to be on it for the rest of my life either

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