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Our Princess

Discussion in 'Family and Friends' started by PrincessMa, Dec 16, 2009.

  1. spring

    spring Administrator

    Hopefully the methadone will give her a chance to turn her focus to other things in life besides seeking relief with the drugs.. It works wonderfully for some people and there's no reason why she cant be one of them. I keep you in my prayers P-Ma!
  2. sailormom

    sailormom Well-Known Member

    Keep coming and expressing your feelings it will help you and others that follow in your shoes. I know cause reading all of the stories and feelings on this forum and helped me more than you know.
  3. loralee

    loralee Well-Known Member

    I totally get how you feel watching your daughter walk away to the transit mall in a sea of homeless people. I have met my son and then had to watch him walk away downtown sometimes I have changed out clean clothes for his backpack. It just breaks your heart. This is not what we expected to have to do when we raised our children. It is so sad but all we can do is still be grateful for our other blessing gs and go on with our lives. Our children do know how much we love them.
  4. PrincessMa

    PrincessMa Well-Known Member

    I just figured I would check in here again. Our daughter is living with us still. She has been on methadone since February. Has earned the priviledge to only have to go 4 days a week, they give her take-home doses for the other 3 days. She has slipped a few times but those times are getting fewer and further between. Thankfully. She is enrolled in 2 community college classes this semester and has just started a Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills group. Things are progressing in a much more healthy path.
  5. krish

    krish Well-Known Member

    I am so glad to hear this! That group sounds amazing.. does she like it? I am really happy for you and her! HUGS!
  6. PrincessMa

    PrincessMa Well-Known Member

    Checking in once more. Up and down with our daughter. She has been on methadone for almost a year. She has been having them drop her dosage lower and lower. Seeming to be headed in a good direction. Finished the semester of college classes successfully. Was having to go 4 days a week to pick up her dose, getting 3 take home doses. Was on track to being able to get 6 'take homes' a week when she relapsed last week. We have suspected that she has been relapsing more often than this one time though. They just hadn't caught her until this time. So, I am back to having to drive her to the clinic every day. She is talking about it, not denying it. So although she is still a mess, she is better than a year ago. She has a boyfriend who is in recovery, living in a veterans program. He is taking his sobriety much more seriously than she is. I retired due to the stress of all of it. Am VERY happy with that decision.

    We have had issues with our son as well. He is a whole other story. Long story short. He was using heroin as well. Hid it better than she did. Finished college, got great job, usage increased, lost job, got arrested, they released him, refiled charges against him 4 months later. Had never really been in trouble before. Entered a WONDERFUL program in Los Angeles. Is 6 months sober as a result. It saved his life. He took to the program beautifully. Just started a one year in jail 'deal' for the drug charges on Thursday. His hunting rifles were in his apartment so that was the best deal they would offer him. He will go back to the program in LA when his year is finished for another 6 months. We are so grateful for the 25 or so men in the program with him. It is run by addicts and is unlike anything we have seen over the years for our daughter. The house allowed him to travel to our home the weekend before we presented him to the jail so that we could celebrate the holiday. It was magnificent. While we were driving him to jail I received an email from a blog that the house supports. http://www.newlifehouse.com/what-mi-giving-not-getting-this-holiday/ He has grown so much.

    It has really been a tough week. The weekend was full of our family and all was wonderful. Then our sweet family dog of 8 years passed away suddenly on Monday morning. Our daughter lost her 'take homes' on Tuesday. An then we dropped off our son 10 hours away for him to serve a year in jail. I am grateful to still have my sanity.

    Seriously though, I really am grateful. I have learned to set limits on what I will and will not accept. I am grateful beyond belief for my son's sobriety. I am grateful for my health. I am grateful for all of you here. Being able to put it in black and white can be so helpful sometimes. I am grateful for being able to leave town to escape being home for the holidays. I am grateful knowing that next year our boy will be with us once again. Merry Christmas.
  7. sailormom

    sailormom Well-Known Member

    Merry Christmas,
    So sorry to hear about your beloved pet, they are what keep us sane and grounded. Praying for both your children.
    PrincessMa likes this.
  8. krish

    krish Well-Known Member

    So happy to hear from you PrincessMa.. I am glad you got to retire.. I knew I had to let work go a few years ago.. and like, you , I am grateful I could do that.. I should get back in the game.. but it seems something keeps me busy.. I was home 7 days, not in a row during Oct , working on the cabin we bought.. how can I have a job when I am gone so much? I will be starting my pt time job in Jan, she gave a leave of absence .. and she sent me a Christmas bonus..so I feel I need to help her and go back very pt time.

    I know your daughters struggle has been long and hard on her and you .. I wish it could be different.. I hope she realizes how lucky she is that you have stood by her and still are and taking your time to drive her to the clinic daily ( I don't see myself ever being that nice and doing that) Maybe this new boyfriend will help her in good ways! Think positive !

    So sorry about your son.. I can't imagine making that drive.. however, it seems like he is manning up and doing what he needs do and accepting the consequences. I am glad he found a great place and pray he keeps embracing his recovery

    I hope you can take some time and enjoy your new work free freedom

    Thanks for checking in, think of you a lot! HUGS
    PrincessMa likes this.
  9. PrincessMa

    PrincessMa Well-Known Member

    We have been down a long road since last time on here. Our daughter was arrested in April this year for selling drugs to support her habit. Her boyfriend bailed her out. A few weeks later he was also arrested. At that point, since her thought processes just aren't quite right, she was re-arrested for selling drugs to the same undercover police officer. While out on bail. Crazy. Anyway, they will both be serving time and hopefully will stay away from the temptation of drugs while incarcerated. As sad as it is, we are sleeping at night. I pray that she has a chance at being away from it long enough to make a lasting change.

    As of today, she has been in jail for 2 full months. She has yet to be allowed to attend AA, NA or Smart Recovery meetings. She has only seen the psychiatrist once. She has ADHD and it causes her to have real trouble with verbal control. She needs psychiatric care of some kind. She has a LOT of energy. She was medicated when in school to try to calm her impulses down so she could think first, before verbalizing or acting out. Once 'of age' she discontinued all adhd med's and medicated herself with drugs to quiet down her brain. She is not using anything so now the impulsive outbursts are back. As a result, she is in a locked down unit much of the time. Alone. She also has borderline personality disorder and is VERY challenged when alone. Alone is the worst things for her. I know her, if she is alone and untreated, she will get louder and more impulsive and will get more lock down time. She won't be allowed to go to meetings that may help her. If she had a different disease, other than addiction, she would not be expected to control it without help. She wouldn't be punished for it's symptoms. She needs help, not restrictions from meetings and services.

    Our son, on the other hand, is doing very well. He was released from jail and is participating in a program through Goodwill while living in a sober living home. He is still considered "in custody" until December and will then return to the recovery program in Los Angeles that he started last June. He has been clean and sober for over a year and is doing very very well.
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2016
  10. spring

    spring Administrator

    Oh Ma!
    Sorry to hear about the trouble but it looks like things are going in the right direction with your son! As far as your daughter, does the jail staff know that she needs medication? or do they just think that she's being difficult? This could possibly be a turning point for her with so much time away from the opiates, but not if she's not being treated for her other condition. Curious, was she still on methadone and if so did she have to go thru a cold turkey detox in jail? That's a brutal way to get off methadone. Thanks for the update.

    By the way, has she been sentenced? I was just wondering if she's still in a county jail wating to be transported to prison or if she's already in prison. If she is in prison doing her time then I don't understand why she hasn't already been seeing a shrink regularly and being medicated. Do they not diagnose and medicate inmates for mental issues? I'm trying to understand why this is happening.
  11. PrincessMa

    PrincessMa Well-Known Member

    She signed a deal for a 6 year sentence. They agreed to allow her to serve in what they call 'local prison'. Her actual sentencing hearing is next month. The deal gives her a "max" of 3 years in custody, the balance of which will be served on mandatory supervision. Three years in custody works out to only 18 months of county jail. We have learned a lot about how this all works.

    She was on/off with the methadone. On/off heroin. Xanax also. Probably some meth also. By the time she was arrested, we had kicked her out or our home as we could tell she was using again. I won't live with it ever again. Her withdrawal was minimal. She has a very strong will. She is praying a lot and really said it helped with the leg cramping at night. Other than that, she hasn't complained. She is reading a lot of spiritual stuff and trying to work on herself as much as she can.

    She has seen psych twice in jail - the first time they tried something on her that made her a complete zombie. I am not sure what it was. She discontinued it after a week or so. Last week they started her on lithium at night. After speaking with her about it, I had our family physician fax in a letter stating a few things that have helped her in the past. They started giving her buspar a few days ago for anxiety and also benedryl at night to help her sleep. It seems to be helping. Unfortunately the med's available in jail for adhd are minimal and are so easy to misuse, and there really isn't a medication that helps borderline patients. DBT - dialectical behavior therapy is about the best thing for that. I sent her a workbook with DBT exercises and she is using that. Really, part of the problem is that she does not have a real clear diagnosis as the drugs have fogged all of our attempts at getting to the root of the problem. We 'think' she is borderline, but her symptoms change so much when she uses. It is hard to clearly be sure exactly what is going on.

    We are thankful she will stay local. Our jail has video visitation. It can be done every day if wanted. $5 for 30 minutes. Quite the same as a skype call. Although she is in a locked down unit due to her behavior, she likes it. They bring the meals to her unit rather than her walking to chow. That is where she always gets in trouble since she is too social. She can't NOT say hello or wave or whatever. She is getting in trouble for dumb things like that.

    I do hope that this 'vacation' from opiates helps her. She is like a young adolescent really, although she is now 30 years old. She abused drugs for basically half her life before it caught up with her. She has been to every recovery facility we could afford in our city and a few in neighboring ones as well. She wasn't ready. I sure hope she is now.

    We feel blessed that our son's first attempt has been successful. It is so nice seeing him do well.
  12. spring

    spring Administrator

    Thanks for taking the time to explain everything. My prayers are with you and your family for the best outcome of all this.
  13. sailormom

    sailormom Well-Known Member

    Prayers for you, and both your children.
    PrincessMa likes this.
  14. Fox face

    Fox face Moderator

    Thinking and praying for you and your family. I hope your kids find the peace sobriety eventually brings. Hugs to you.
    PrincessMa likes this.
  15. PrincessMa

    PrincessMa Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the prayers. She was sentenced yesterday and was given a 6 year prison sentence. With the overcrowding, etc, she will actually serve 18 months in what is called local prison (which will count as 3 years) and then 3 years of mandatory supervision. So - she gets out in November 2017. Her head is in a good place, she is nearby, and we get to video chat as often as we like for $5 per half hour. Could have been so much worse. She is alive and is clean. I am hoping she will stay that way upon release.
  16. Bonita

    Bonita Well-Known Member


    I was actually coming here today because your daughter has been on my mind. I am very happy to see this.. Soo sorry for your, family and her pain.
    She is a very strong girl and sad to say I feel the only way she will have a chance to get some clean time under her belt is under constant supervision. Your so right in that is nearly impossible to get a clear dx when doping is involved. I am so glad you did get an MD who has treated her and has a better pic in contact with the jail house medical staff. I have to give you credit women... very smart and haven't left a stone unturned to help your daughter.

    Just wanted to let you know I do keep you and yours in my prayers..

    with love and admiration,
    PrincessMa likes this.
  17. PrincessMa

    PrincessMa Well-Known Member

    Merry Christmas to everyone here! I got to visit with my dear daughter in jail on Christmas night. She is in the middle of her 18 month sentence. She looks wonderful, is sober, and very much getting in touch with some much needed spirituality. Our son is doing well also - over 19 months clean and sober at this point - he is working and on his way to leading a very healthy life.

    All is good in my world once again.

    Hugs and looking forward to a new year :)
    Fox face likes this.
  18. spring

    spring Administrator

    Great news Ma! I'm hoping your holidays were good and that you are enjoying your much deserved peace of mind. You have certainly earned it.
    PrincessMa likes this.
  19. PrincessMa

    PrincessMa Well-Known Member

    I just feel the need to tell someone. THINGS ARE GOOD! Our princess has completed her 18 months in jail and has been in a recovery program since early November. She will be on mandatory supervision for 3 years. She is ROCKING it. She just completed her first ever week of work as a telemarketer and is scouting schools to learn welding. She has people looking up to her in her house because she is so strong in her recovery. She has been clean for 619 days - not that Mom is counting. Life is good. I keep pinching myself.

    I hope all is well with all of you :)

  20. spring

    spring Administrator

    OMG!!!! This is just such GOOD NEWS!!! GREAT news!! The miracles are coming to fruition and it can only keep getting better from here!
    It's too bad that for many of us it takes hitting bottom with a hard THUD to get us on our way back up. I've had a few thuds and crashes along the way myself. But hey, it takes what it takes.
    I'm so happy to hear this Ma! Both your kids have some long clean time under their belts and sound like they're both doing very well. Telemarketing can be a rough job with the constant rejections so I'm glad to hear she's going to go to school.. and for a high paying line of work no less!
    My prayers continue to be with you and your family. Thanks so much for the update.

    PS: Oh and if needed, please remind her how important it is to continue giving back and passing on her experiences, strengths, and hopes. It will keep her from sliding backwards.
    PrincessMa likes this.

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