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Over two weeks off tar!

Discussion in 'Heroin ~ Addiction and Recovery' started by NoMoreOpiates, Feb 7, 2010.

  1. NoMoreOpiates

    NoMoreOpiates Well-Known Member

    I'm still doing well 5 1/2 days since my last sub. I'm still sneezing excessively and my nose has been a bit runny, but I think I may just be getting a little cold because I have a little bit of a sore throat too. My energy level, however, felt a little bit better today than the previous couple days. I'm so happy how manageable this has been and how I've been able to continue working without having to miss a single day, and still being fairly productive.

    I'm still kind of in shock about how effective suboxone has been in helping me get to where I'm at. Of course, I've been trying and have been very positive, but I don't know how I wouldn't have gotten here without suboxone as a detox crutch...I'm amazed.
  2. NoMoreOpiates

    NoMoreOpiates Well-Known Member

    6 1/2 days since my last sub dose and 30 DAYS since last using H! Wow...it's amazing how far I've come in a month! I definitely have gotten a bit of a cold, however. It's nothing horrible, but I don't feel great. I don't think this is sub w/ds because it's just a runny nose, cough and sore throat, and feels like any other cold I've ever had in the past. But who knows, who cares, it ain't too bad ;)
  3. NoMoreOpiates

    NoMoreOpiates Well-Known Member

    Today is the beginning of day 7 off subs and day 31 off Heroin!

    I definitely am still affected by this cold. I feel a little lousy with a bunch of nasal congestion and a little bit of a cough...but that's pretty much it. Completely manageable.

    I might work from home today instead of going into the office so that my co-workers don't have to listen to me sneeze, cough, and blow my nose all day like they did yesterday. My boss is cool and doesn't mind us working from home from time to time whenever necessary, especially since I'm able to accomplish everything from my laptop that I would be doing in the office anyways.

    Have a good day everyone!
  4. kunzite52

    kunzite52 Well-Known Member

    I signed up for a gym membership yesterday and am going to start my gym "habit" today. Hopefully I'll be able to get addicted to my gym "habit" as strongly as I was addicted to my dope habit. I could benefit from that happening due to all the damage I've been doing to my body - TIME TO REvERSE THAT!

    P.S. No bad cravings this weekend even without taking any sub. I'm really starting to fully understand and believe that using will not do anything positive for my life. Yes, I might feel good for an hour or two, but after thinking and knowing all the negative things it did to me, IT IS SO CLEAR that these negatives OVERWHELMINGLY outweigh any positives that I'd experience from using...so that has helped. If I ever get a craving, I just think of the pros vs cons of using, and there are always 10x as many cons as pros. Now that I have a clear head, I have to continue to think clearly about not using...which can be done since my addiction has finally been put to rest at the moment...hopefully permanently!
    WOW how far you have come! Reversing a habit, as in taking up gym instead of drugs, well if that does not fly in the face of addiction I will eat my shoes! And you will sleep better too with that gym work. It is nice to set it up in a schedule each day, another habit? A good one, and the gym has so helped my Daughter in Law with her methadone taper, it is a blind one and she really has no clue, she just keeps going to the gym and keeps her head in the moment, works hard, and keeps herself clear of the "old life"!

    Maybe do what my son did. He made an actual list, one side was life on drugs the other side was life without drugs. He told me one day, before he relapsed, that if he used once everything on the other side (LIFE WITHOUT DRUGS) would disappear, and how right he was!

    Remember my friend to get out there and be with those in recovery, some way somehow it is such an important part of the process. It is wonderful to be able to hold yourself accountable for your actions, but it would not hurt to have others helping you with that one. That is the whole basis for sober living. I have not spoken with you in so long, but I do read your thread regularly, so this is just a stopping by to say WELL DONE, and please keep really busy, just as you have been, cause it is so important not to get too comfortable. It is so important to stay around people also in recovery and to share your feelings. I know by this point you can look back and see just how alone/shameful and isolated you were on drugs. Now it is time to actually reverse that totally. You know recovery is so much more than stopping the drugs, it is a way of thinking, a way of acting, a way of living, a way of believing in yourself!

    Anyway this is quite a journal you have going on, and you can definitely say you are the reason you are clean today. NO ONE can take that from you. So from me to you CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!
    with love and respect,
  5. NoMoreOpiates

    NoMoreOpiates Well-Known Member

    Up again wayyyy too early. I've been up since about 4:30am...and didn't fall asleep till after midnight. This is really annoying to me, but I can handle it knowing that eventually it will get better...but it has definitely been the one thing that has troubled me most in what is now 32 days off H, and 8 days off Suboxone.

    Annie, thanks again so much for your posts. Your presence and insight is undoubtedly a blessing for this online community/message board...at least I think so. And I think I've said this before, but your words have a way of really getting me to think...and I'm grateful for your participation in this thread and my recovery. I have been meaning to ask you how you seem to be rather knowledgeable on the subject. I know I've seen you post about yoru son and his struggles with addiction, but are you also a recovering addict? Just curious... Regardless, your words mean a lot to me and I truly appreciate you expressing an interest in how I'm doing and my recovery.

    Well, I'm still definitely a little sick with this cold, but I think I'm feeling better than yesterday. I had an interesting session with my therapist yesterday and we got on the topic of meditation as we were discussing alternate ways to bring a calming/peaceful effect to my body (which is obviously something opiates did). And so we talked about meditation and I had honestly never even considered something like that, but it sounds like it's exactly what I need. I did a little bit of reading about it and actually found a couple places in my area where they have courses to help teach meditation practices. It's time for me to stop always wanting to "take" something to feel better from some other thing when it's seemingly possible to achieve such relief from within.

    Furthermore, this morning, when up too early, I attempted some "breathing meditation" in complete silence and darkness for 10 minutes...only focusing on the air coming in, filling my lungs, and then going out. And thinking/imaging where the air was from going outside > inside > outside my body. This attempts to achieve calmness and I definitely felt a little euphoria/calming type feeling for about 10 seconds during that 10 minutes. It was kind of weird. It was a noticeable feeling, but it was very short.

    As far as everything else is concerned, I'm feeling pretty damn awesome about how far I've come in the last 32 days. It's sucks to be battling this cold, but dealing with this cold is like 1/100th of how bad dealing with my opiate w/ds were, so I can handle it. It's just annoying. It would have been nice to not get a cold 4 or 5 days after stopping sub, but I wonder if the cold is some sort of reaction to my body getting used to having absolutely ZERO opioids in it. Is that possible? I mean, I know this isn't w/d because I've had many colds before and it's like every other one...and it's definitely not reminiscent of opiate w/ds, but I honestly think this is the first cold I've had in over a year, so I'm wondering if this is my body reacting to finally clearing itself of opiates. Oh well, who cares, I'll be fine.

    Time to take a hot steamy shower to clear my sinuses and then a nice cup of tea...and day 32, or really, day 8, of my new NoMoreOpiates life.
  6. Sluggo

    Sluggo Well-Known Member

    hey....trying to kick start a meditation practice right now is fantastic.

    meditation has helped me immensely (you can read my thread in 'freedom from hell' forum). I started very slowly at 2 minutes, twice a day....and those 2 minutes turned to 3, turned to 5, turned to 20, then more.

    my actual practice is called 'zazen'. you can google it. I've also found a zendo relatively close to me where I can go sit (meditate) with a sangha (small group).

    cool stuff.

  7. NoMoreOpiates

    NoMoreOpiates Well-Known Member

    Oh, one more random thing. Yesterday, my dealer called me. I obviously deleted his number from my phone, but unfortunately have it committed to memory. And let me tell you, it really f'n pissed me off.

    The day I quit, when he hadn't heard from me, he called me and was wondering why he hadn't heard from me. I told him that I was quitting and to NEVER call me again. And that I had his number if I ever need to get a hold of him. I didn't have the number saved, but unfortunately, the number is impossible for my mind to forget. Anyways, during that last call a month ago, I thanked him for always meeting me and selling me that poison, and being a pretty good dealer for a junky, but I also expressed to him that it was ruining my life, I had no more money, and I needed to quit....and I told him that what he's dealing is very, very, very bad. He acknowledged that what he sells is bad, but these Mexican drug cartels that distribute black tar to the western US seem to be a way for young Hispanic men to make BANK. There's an interesting NY Times article posted on another board about these cartels and how they operate. Got sidetracked, but getting back to the conversation a month ago - it went on for about 5 minutes and that was it and he seemed to understand, even though he does't speak the best English, but well enough to have a conversation and understand me. That was about exactly a month ago, and up until yesterday, I was happy that he had actually respected my wishes and hadn't called me. So when his number showed up, I was P!ssed! I didn't answer, but I immediately sent him a text that said. "Don't call me. I quit. I never need again!" So hopefully, that set him straight. If he tries again, I'm going to threaten to give him up to the cops. I dunno, I just kind of found it weird that I heard from him exactly 1 month since quitting.
  8. Sluggo

    Sluggo Well-Known Member

    block the number from your phone. easily solves the problem.

    like you, I never blamed my various dealers for my problem. today, I have compassion for them. dealing drugs must suck.

  9. NoMoreOpiates

    NoMoreOpiates Well-Known Member

    Janice - Thanks for offering up that info. Right away, when my therapist mentioned meditation, it sounded very appealing and something I'm definitely going to try. I wonder why I never thought of that on my own? Well, I guess that's why I've started to see a therapist - to offer information and insight that I wouldn't recognize otherwise.

    Anyways, I just did a quick google search and there is a Zen Center in my city - only about 10 minutes from where I live. In quickly glancing at their site, it says that they have Zazen from 7pm-8:45pm every Tue & Thur. I'm going to look into this some more, and I'm definitely going to check out your thread. Thanks for letting me know about that.

    Have a good day!
  10. NoMoreOpiates

    NoMoreOpiates Well-Known Member

    Well, my recovery is still going well, but this nasty cold that I caught hadn't been getting any better and I was wheezing and had a lot of chest congestion...so I was a little worried. I don't know if this is my bodies' reaction to being clean from all opiates (9 days off suboxone today!!) or what. And the wheezing actually had me pretty concerned because I hadn't really experienced bad wheezing in years. I have seasonal allergies and always had an inhaler growing up, but was never diagnosed as an asthmatic. What's weird is that in the year and a half during which I was addicted, I don't think I had a single cold. Seriously. And now, I start taking care of myself, and I get a horrible cold...go figure.

    Well anyways, when I first was seen, they took my blood pressure (which was/is now high) and when the resident doctor came in to see me (a cute girl right around my age), I figured it was wise to be completely honest. Prior to getting there, I wasn't sure whether or not I'd come clean about my now PAST addiction with the doctor, but in order to be treated right, I figured I needed to be honest - especially since my BP was high and I was wheezing. And my route of administration was always smoking tar. Never have I put a needle in my arm. It turns out that this young woman went to school in Seattle (not where I live) and had moved here for her residency. Obviously, the PacNW has a pretty big problem, so she was very familiar with addiction and we actually had a very good conversation for about 20 minutes before she even started to examine me. I was impressed with how patient she was and how she genuinely seemed to care about my well being. She even mentioned that they have free counseling services at the medical center where I was and I could tell that she cared. I asked her not to put it in writing, but that I felt that I needed to confide in her since using can obviously affect one's health, and based on my symptoms and high blood pressure, I was honest. Our conversation and her reaction were comforting.

    So anyways, after listening to my chest, they felt it was probably best to do a chest x-ray. I was a little worried about damage that I had possibly done, but thankfully, they said that my chest/lung x-ray didn't look bad at all, and this wheezing is just a result of a ton of mucous build up. Thankfully, only using for a year and a half didn't do too much damage. And I've been a pretty much daily marijuana smoker since I was 18 and she said that smoking pot may have actually helped prevent damage from smoking the tar!! Actually, this wasn't what she said, but her advisor, the official doctor of the office told her that, and she relayed it to me. Isn't that nuts? So, anyone who's smoking tar, make sure you're smoking pot too :D

    As a result of this, I was happy to find out that smoking all that tar didn't damage my lungs too badly. Phew!

    I almost wanted to ask this girl out because she was cute, smart (a medical student), genuinely kind and caring person, and I got a great vibe from her. Obviously, I didn't ask her for her number or anything as that would have been totally inappropriate. Haha. But she did tell me to call back in a few weeks if my blood pressure doesn't go down.

    So, that's where I'm at. Sitting at home on a Friday trying to fight off this cold and watching some Olympic hockey. It's so amazing how I can be totally fine watching TV and just chilling by myself and I don't need to get high. The thought of doing what I'm doing tonight was unimaginable like 6 weeks ago.
  11. kunzite52

    kunzite52 Well-Known Member

    I figured it was wise to be completely honest.
    Wow awesome post! And you see what honesty can get you? A nice cute girl who cares about you and even understands what you are going through. And she even offered you up some more help as in counseling. As it is written in one book, "Honesty, the first spritual principle, has enormous healing power!" And as it says in RECLAIM YOUR FAMILY FROM ADDICTION "Honesty will be needed throughout recovery. But without it in the first stage, there is no hope!" And so it is that you got honest on here and now you got honest at the doctor's! And I am so relieved there is no permanent harm done to your lungs, honestly you do not want to be there!

    When my son quit he began getting his semi annual sickness again. He has always had asthma, allergies, reactions to the weather changes. He said the same thing as you, "WT Heck Ma I am clean and now I get sick again!" So start the herbal thing and vitamins I suggested to you and keep those colds at bay!

    Meditation is awesome also! I love it. I used it so many times, and now (due to my dad living here with Alzheimer's) I find myself needing to do it more often again. You can actually learn to lower your own blood pressure with biofeedback, did you know that? But you do what that doc tells you for the BP! But meditation, man there is nothing like it. Emptying your mind helps so much to clear the view, get rid of the fog and everything is so clear again! I like the things Janice said to google and plan on googling it myself. Also know there is walking meditations, which I have also done. Usually, I just use regular breathing exercises, like in to the count of 6 though your nose, and slowly out to the count of 6 through your mouth. Just till you are only focused on your breathing, the rising and falling of your chest. When I do this I usually follow up with a few good yoga stretches, amazing how quickly this relaxes the body/mind.

    Right now, just for today (wink) I wanted to ask you what are you filling your time with, and I do remember you are healing from a cold! But hon, you gotta get some activities in your life as well as some people who are also in recovery. You want to hold on to and continue with your recovery and that means getting busy. You know me, I just hike daily. Missed yesterday, how horrible :(! It was not even pouring, someone was just dumping buckets of water from the clouds. But today took a short mile walk anyway, in the rain/snow/sleet/wind. So what I was thinking actually was that you would post me back on here with a list of things you plan to do with your time. Mike took up golf, said it was the hardest sport he ever played, so he loved it. He also began after a few years, speaking at detox places. He went to some NA conventions to and had great times. He made many new friends and was busy so much I barely could squeeze in a Saturday to visit with him, he would have to pencil me in! Imagine that! So what is it you want to do with your new-found time my friend? Please give me a list of intentions/plans/so you can build that foundation, so that kingdom of recovery never collapses on you!

    Love annie
  12. NoMoreOpiates

    NoMoreOpiates Well-Known Member

    Wow...Annie...putting me on the spot here, huh? ;)

    Sorry for not responding sooner. My internet was screwy all weekend.

    I'll check-in a little later. I'm about to head out to the gym.

    36 days clean from H
    12 days off Suboxone
  13. befree

    befree Well-Known Member

    Congrats on your progress NMO, And being a young man and all its good to see you are starting to chase the skirt, instead of the Dragon ! :cool:

    But my experience tells me they can both be fairly expensive :D :D

  14. NoMoreOpiates

    NoMoreOpiates Well-Known Member

    Haha...thanks mate. I see that you're from AUS. I'm jealous. Having traveled to 5 of 7 continents and over 20 countries, I can safely say the Australia is my absolute favorite place I've ever traveled to in this world. I spent a month there about 8 years ago visiting Cairns, The Daintree Rainforest and Sydney.

    Anyways, yes, it is good that I'm starting to chase the skirt again - instead of the dragon. I had absolutely ZERO desire to chase skirt when using...the dope totally suppressed my sex drive. Like completely. Now that the dragon is no longer being chased, the ladies are the only expensive habit I'll be chasing from now on :p

    Thanks for your words of encouragement! Have good night...err, I mean, day, since it's probably mid-day where you're at.
  15. Sluggo

    Sluggo Well-Known Member

    any forays into the world of meditation?
  16. kunzite52

    kunzite52 Well-Known Member

    Well it is quite true that when we are babies we breathe totally differently than as adults. As someone who was on life support for not being able to breathe, I can tell you for sure that breath is important. Most times we do not breathe totally, we take shallow breaths, in fact I would literally hyperventilate when my breathing got shallow for fear I would again lose my breath. Now when I walk there are a few things I realize. One is that if my back is not straight, not enough air comes in. Second that if I just push myself without stopping to focus on my breathing, all that happens is I lose air and need my inhaler. But if I take a conscious breath in and a conscious breath out, slowly over and over, I can regain my breath. What happens eventually is that all we see is the rise and fall of our chest. All we hear is our breath. What a lovely sound it is.
    Lately I have been tackling what I call mountains, to me they are mountains, to those who do not have COPD I suppose they are hills. I have to really keep my body in a proper upright position, my eyes focused down (not sure why this helps but it does), and my breath long and deep. Never do I focus on my destination, but rather on the movement of my feet forward and my breath deep and centered. While I always walk with friends, I cannot talk on the mountains, it totally brings me out of my world and back to shallow breathing.

    So many times in the hospital they would say to me "Just breathe" and I could not breathe so I did not get it. What they actually meant was breathe as if you are in meditation, but no one ever explained this to me. Walking and sitting on my bed taught me this. I learned it on my own, and from reading.

    So BeFree there are many skirts down under! Bet you are gobsmacked that you went so long without the freeing experience of sex! I mean I could see it if you were my age but come on man! So welcome back to life!

    And do begin to connect with the greater world around you. Take in the energy of the universe, you are part of it, you know that saying, I am a child of the universe. All powers are within you. They are there to be accessed when you are ready, meditation is just one way to access them. Reike is another. But know that the power of the universe, vs. the power of self, well we are rendered pretty much powerless in and of ourselves. This is getting deep.

    Still waiting for your list. Do you surf, swim in that hot weather down there? Swimming is a great release, taking the pressure off your muscles and allowing you to free float, no control needed for that, just letting go, something you are practicing already right!

    So welcome matie! Got some aussie mates down there, many came to visit me, apparently we have something going wrong with light switches up here, we flip them up to turn them on and down to turn them off (now you are laughing?). My dream has always been to go there, and someday I will.

    Keep posting,
    Cheers! annie
  17. NoMoreOpiates

    NoMoreOpiates Well-Known Member

    Not yet...but there is a yoga studio in town that was offering a deal on a 5-class package, so I purchased that. I'm thinking that starting out with Yoga and working on stretching/breathing would be a good prelude to learning how to meditate.

    I've had an extremely busy week, so that's why I haven't been on here much...which is a good thing. Because the busier I am, the less I think about my addiction and using. Not that I've even had a lot of cravings, but they're even fewer and far between when I'm constantly busy. I've been busy with work and going to gym this week. I'm kind of slow in starting new things (like meditating or yoga), and I was speaking with my therapist about this. And as long as I'm making progress, then slowly working my way into doing new things is just fine. I feel like I'm making progress every day, so that's all I'm really concerned with.

    Guess what? I finally slept more than 5 hours two days in a row. Both last night and the night before, and this was very exciting for me, because my sleep has been the PAWS issue that has still been troubling me.

    Well, I've got to get ready and head out to work.

    Here's to day 40 off H, and day 16 off Suboxone!

    Have a great day and weekend everyone!
  18. newlife7

    newlife7 Well-Known Member

    Wow, keep in going!!!

    you'll probably start noticing big substantial improvements in you sleep this month.

    Congrats on doing this!
  19. NoMoreOpiates

    NoMoreOpiates Well-Known Member

    Thanks newlife7.

    I've noticed that my sleep is finally starting to get better this week. I'm now getting about 5-6 hours instead of 4-5 per night. I've been keeping really busy lately and have had a lot of work stuff going on, so that's why I haven't been updating this as regularly as I was when my recovery was just beginning.

    OFF SUB: 19 days
    OFF H: 43 days
  20. NoMoreOpiates

    NoMoreOpiates Well-Known Member

    I'm just checking in since it has been a few days since I last posted. I'm still doing fairly well. In fact, I've lost count of days at this point, but I can figure it out - today is day 25 off Sub and day 49 off Heroin. :)

    I've been keeping really busy lately. Work has been keeping me busy and I've officially gotten back into the habit of going to the gym. I'd say that I'm averaging 4 or 5 days a week (or 2 out of every 3 days). My energy levels are getting back to being pretty normal and I've been getting some good workouts in.

    I also went to a Yoga class for the first time on Friday morning. It got me interested enough to purchase my own Yoga mat, and I'm going to practice some of the poses at home. I bought a 5 class package, so I'm definitely going to use those... But I do want to practice a lot of the basic beginner poses before going back, because I feel like if I practice the basics, then I'll get a lot more out of the classes. And timing the breathing by inhaling and exhaling with the proper motions will only come with individual practice, in my opinion. Plus, my sleep is still pretty bad, and I'm waking up really early, so I figure that I can start starting my days with an hour or so of Yoga. It's really frustrating for me to be waking up 2-3 hours before work, so I think it would be wise to do something positive and relaxing instead of being frustrated that I'm up so early.

    One more thing, I went out with a co-worker and a friend who she had wanted to set me up with after work one day last week, and I've actually got to give her a ring because she's apparently interested in going out with me again. I think I'll give her a call tomorrow and see if she maybe wants to get together this week. I'm not totally sure what I think of her, but we only met once, and there were other people there. If anything, I should do this for practice, because it has been a little over a year since I've been involved with a girl. I was with someone in the beginning stages of my addiction, but that only lasted a few months because I was way more attracted to the H than I was to this girl...even though this girl was actually very attractive. But when addicted, nothing is more attractive than using. So anyways, I'm rambling here, but I think it would be good to get out and start dating again even though I might be a little skeptical about the potential for this girl to be long-term relationship material...but we shall see.

    Have a good night, everyone.

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