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political jokes---its that time again!!!

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Recovery' started by BlondeBomb, Jul 14, 2008.

  1. BlondeBomb

    BlondeBomb Well-Known Member


    How the Bush Administration Changes a Light Bulb

    How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?

    1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;

    2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;

    3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;

    4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;

    5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;

    6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished;

    7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark;

    8. One to viciously smear #7;

    9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;

    10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.


    Feel the fear...and do it anyways...

    ....if you are going through hell....keep on walking through it..

    Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that there is something else more important than the fear.

    "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which will be revealed in us". (Romans 8:18)
     
  2. starlight

    starlight Well-Known Member

    AND FINALLY.
    THE LIGHT BULB BLEW WHEN THAT MYSTERIOUS ????? STAIN APPEARED ON THAT DRESS



    PAMMIE[:x)]
     
  3. BlondeBomb

    BlondeBomb Well-Known Member

    in Hell

    While walking down the street one day, a Republican head of state is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

    "Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

    "No problem, just let me in." says the Republican.

    "Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

    "Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the Republican head of state.

    "I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts the Republican to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him, everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. Also present is the Devil (a Republican, too), who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes.

    They are having such a good time that, before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator
    rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

    "Now it's time to visit Heaven." So 24 hours pass with the Republican head of state joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

    "Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity."

    He reflects for a minute, then the head of state answers: "Well, I would never have thought it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell."

    So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The Devil comes over to the Republican and lays an arm on his neck.

    "I don't understand," stammers the Republican head of state. Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.

    The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us!"


    Feel the fear...and do it anyways...

    ....if you are going through hell....keep on walking through it..

    Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that there is something else more important than the fear.

    "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which will be revealed in us". (Romans 8:18)
     
  4. Nomadic

    Nomadic Well-Known Member

    hmm..... while I can appreciate good humor I've found even the most good natured jokes about politics tend to get wayyyyyy out of hand and get's personal very quickly. We shall see. People's politics are close to a religious thing to many. Almost easier to joke about religion than politics.

    Good Luck,

    nomadic

    "an honest man's pillow is his peace of mind" John Mellencamp Minutes to Memories
     
  5. BlondeBomb

    BlondeBomb Well-Known Member

    Two Tough Questions

    Question 1:

    If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion? Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.

    Question 2:

    It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates.

    Candidate A.

    Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with an astrologist. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

    Candidate B.

    He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

    Candidate C.

    He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, only drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife. Which of these candidates would be your choice? Decide first ... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.

    -------------------------------------------------------













    Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
    Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
    Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

    And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question: If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.


    Feel the fear...and do it anyways...

    ....if you are going through hell....keep on walking through it..

    Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that there is something else more important than the fear.

    "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which will be revealed in us". (Romans 8:18)
     
  6. BlondeBomb

    BlondeBomb Well-Known Member

    jibjab video...a must watch...gotta love this country...NOT!!


    http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/webscout/2008/07/hot-trends-wa-4.html

    Feel the fear...and do it anyways...

    ....if you are going through hell....keep on walking through it..

    Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that there is something else more important than the fear.

    "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which will be revealed in us". (Romans 8:18)
     
  7. starlight

    starlight Well-Known Member

    Sorry if the stain on the dress joke offended anyone . I thought it was quite funny though


    Pammie:)





    "IT'S BETTER TO DIE ON YOUR FEET THAN LIVE ON YOUR KNEES"
     
  8. starlight

    starlight Well-Known Member

    HA HA HA HE HE HE [88][88] THATS A FUNNY ONE. They were campaigning and you voted for us !!!! Typical Politician.



    Pammie

    "IT'S BETTER TO DIE ON YOUR FEET THAN LIVE ON YOUR KNEES"
     

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