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Really Need HELP!!!

Discussion in 'Detoxing from Methadone' started by Cleanwithdreams7, Apr 2, 2013.

  1. Cleanwithdreams7

    Cleanwithdreams7 Well-Known Member

    Hey all. So I had an Ibogaine trip at home to try and get me off of my Methadone. I was at 45mgs a day.

    I lasted until day 3, but things just seemed to get worse and worse and I ended up cracking. Time literally stood still and I had to literally hide my clocks. I was so sick that I couldn't really even move to get myself water or food, and I had noone to really take care of me. My mind wouldn't shut up either, back and forth; so damn exausting!! I didn't sleep for the whole 3 days either, and I think the sleeping thing was the worst part.

    The good news though is when I went back on my Methadone (yesterday), I only went back to 20mgs, instead of the 45mgs. Before now, I've never been able to make it past 40mgs, so I'm really happy to be at 20mgs after such a short amount of time.

    After really feeling all of my feelings again though while I was in that cold-turkey place it was like being reborn. My 5 year addiction to Opiates had erased my memory of those lovely feelings and how amazing and genuine they really are. I had no idea feelings are so good!! It's like I had it perfect before I went into drugs and didn't even know. So now I want all of my feelings back really badly and out of this crazy maize. But I need some support from people who have been there.

    Right now at 20mgs, things obviously aren't as bad as they were when I jumped cold-turkey, but it seems as if I'm in a mild withdrawal a lot of the time which annoys the **** out of me!

    I've also become a massive insomniac and still wasn't able to sleep until this afternoon when I finally got 4 hours of sleep for the first time in 4 days. Now though I'm up after my nap and my 20mgs dose is starting to poop out on me and it looks like I'm gonna be up all night again. My dose seems to poop out on me after like 12 hours now, where before it was more at the 24 hour mark. But I keep telling myself that it probably needs to build up in my system because of the Ibogaine I took and the 3 days I was off of my Methadone.

    I guess I just need to get this stuff off my chest.

    Does anyone know if I will eventually adjust to being on 20mgs??

    Also is there any tips you guys can give me to make this more bearable.

    In the end, hard is still hard you know?

    ANY help at all would be appreciated.

    Thank you for reading.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2014
  2. peacenik

    peacenik Administrator

    Hi cwd,
    I hope you got some rest. I would say yes you will eventually adjust to being on 20. I don't know how long that will take but yeah, it's like you're taking approximately a half a dose.
    I don't really feel comfortable with the ibogaine thing and usually I don't post about it.

    So I'll just say that now you'll have to kick the methadone.....like we all do. It sounds like you're not a good detoxer, I wasn't either. But the good part of that is we who have very little, or no control over our drug use, can reach a point where we throw up our hands and surrender. We stop trying to find the right drug that will work, and accept that the entire story lies in the cessation not in finding the perfect comfort med.

    So I'd say take your experience as a lesson, and go on from here. I say "keep your eyes on the prize" the life you will have a year from now, not how you're feeling right at this moment. Become willing to go through this knowing that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger :)

    So I would take a look at your ibogaine experience and use it in some positive way. Make a decision on how you're going to get to zero. I went into a hospital, or you could detox down avoiding any other substitute drugs. But whatever you do, yes, you'll probably feel bad for a time, and then you'll feel better. Time heals CWD, really heals.
    Dave
     
  3. Cleanwithdreams7

    Cleanwithdreams7 Well-Known Member

    Thanks Dave :).
     
  4. Cleanwithdreams7

    Cleanwithdreams7 Well-Known Member

    I don't know how you jumped cold-turkey from Methadone Dave, that must have really been hell on earth for you.

    Did they at least give you some comfort medications throughout?
     
  5. peacenik

    peacenik Administrator

    cwd, I would definitely not suggest anyone try what I did. Anyway, this was in the 80s when insurance would pay for all kinds of treatment they wouldn't today. I was in the hospital for 30 days and it was hell. I got Clonidine. It was a new discovery at that time and my Dr told me it would take away all the withdrawals.

    I got so sick I tried to get my parents to come get me but the Dr talked them out of it. After about 6 days I went into some kind of spasm where my body twisted up like a pretzel. I remember trying to push myself up against the wall trying to straighten out, and screaming in pain. They eventually came and shot me with a tranquilizer that put me to sleep for a day or so.

    When I woke up though, I had gotten to that point I mentioned. I realized that just hanging in there was my only hope of ever getting a life back. So I stumbled around the rest of my time at the hospital. I was sleeping a few hours a night by the time I left. And I went straight to 6 weeks in rehab after that, and a recovery house after rehab for a year.

    I went through a lot getting free of drugs but you know what? As tough as it was, today it's just a memory, and a good memory at that. It was the beginning of my new life :)
    Dave
     
  6. movazi

    movazi Well-Known Member

    Clean7

    You got the best person on this forum to reply to your post.
    Just follow what Dave has to say and you need no other advice.
     
  7. Kaytay45

    Kaytay45 Member

    Once I finally surrendered joy flooded my heart! I made a plan and have now lowered my dose 20 mgs. I still have a long way to go and the people in my life think until I am done it doesn't count. I don't care what they say, I celebrate everyday I take less than I started on or go down even one mg! This forum is a huge part of my ability to detox and 100% of my support!
     
  8. Bonita

    Bonita Well-Known Member

    Hi clean7,
    I have been praying for you and very happy to see your alive. I am very sorry you've had to go back to dope but happy that your here to get the help needed. I know you wanted the ibogaine to do for you what it's done for me any many others but it's not a cure and does come with it's own risk. Just dosnt do what you wanted it to do when on long acting opiate such as methadone/suboxone. I am also srry I was so short with you when asking for help dosing it. I just came from seeing another victim who read what they wanted to hear but was not as lucky as you to live thru it. Iboga is a wonderful plant, great tool for addicts but must be used correctly. Going from meth/sub to the plant is not the correct proceedure. I know there are many stories out there saying how great it worked for them but they also didn't share the process they went thru. I am not saying they are lying but embellishing a bit maybe. Iboga does not knock the dope off the receptor..so really clean7, you've been given a second chance at life literally. Mixing the two could of killed you.

    Welcome back to the board and Ty for posting...I prayed for your safty and that you would live thru it. Now I can pray for your sucess to achieve freedom.

    I do feel somewhat responsible for sharing my story and experience with iboga here. I was just lucky enough to do much reseach on it and not believe everything I read when it comes to others experience with it. I learn the hard way not to trust anyone when it comes to addiction. Suffer to much or falling for that bs anymore. I will update the thread soon on the bs posted about the plant and what NOT to do. There has been more reseach the last few yrs and the old protocols can not be removed from the
    net. Too many are trying to follow what was thought 10-15 yrs ago. Nothing replacing it seem unfair but no way to post dosing...just too individual. That's why a trained providers needed.. It's just not straight forward as that. I am an advocate of the plant and it use for addiction. Just need to understand how it works, the risk involved, the dangers with mixing it with other drugs. There are many successful recovering addicts that did use this beautiful plant to get thru the acute detox phase. They just used it properly. I feel Iboga saved my life but didn't cure my addiction. Cured my wd but I was over 8 mo from suboxone and 1.3 yrs way from methadone when I had my first experience. When in MX for my treatment there was a nurse practioner just 4days away from sub and looked like I looked about day 12
    from my jump. I knew then that the poor guy wasn't gonna stay clean and just flushed away 6 grand. I was pretty happy I was wise enough to do my own research and not fall for the cure BS ad had a good understanding what to expect. I had thrown in the towel on staying clean another day after my stint on suboxone. I didn't relapse, it was a thought out choice to go back to opiates. I will admit I didn't go back to dope till I had done my homework on Iboga. I knew it would get me pass the wd syndrome with relative ease and hope to gain some insight on why I couldn't seem to walk away from dope for life. Not sure I got the insight I hoped for but did understand a bit more about myself, my history a little better. I'm not one who was blessed with the dream state I've seen others get. I think I was wanting it spelled
    out in black/white. It didn't happen. I also choose wisely what dope I went back too. Im lucky enough to have a medical backround so I could understand the pharmacological properties of Ibogaine.
    I know many here are dead against using this tool and with good reason. Your a prime example.

    Well, very good to see you posting. Many here have gotten off methadone and I'm sure will help you as much as you allow. I also believe you can wean off w/o suffering as your anticipating. I KNOW if given the chance you WILL adjust to the lower dose your on now. I hope you do call the place who advised you to teach them something that should already be known. I just hate to see anyone die trying o get free of methadone/suboxone.
    I also hope now that you've been given a second chance at life that you'll seek out help. I know I would not be sober today if I thought iboga would fix why I fell into the dope life. That part is all on me. Once I surrendered to the fact I am a addict and had to unlearn how I approached life I needed help...it got so much easier for me. Soon will be hitting 4 yrs clean. Whoda though I could be here and really content with life.



    Basse'
     
  9. Cleanwithdreams7

    Cleanwithdreams7 Well-Known Member

    Kaytay I can really relate to what you are saying.

    Congrats on getting to 20!!! That's a big accomplishment

    I quit cigarettes 9 days ago cold-turkey from a pack a day habit as well and I am finding the cigarette cravings fierce AS HELL at times. This seems to be making my adjustment a lot harder on me. At the same time though, I know that using cigarettes or any other addicting drugs that cause withdrawals would only make me feel worse afterwards. It's a very complicated subject, and when I'm not on here or doing something that's naturally theraputic that damn cigarette gorilla bugs the hell out of me!!

    I am trying to keep my eye on the prize though and just hoping that time doesn't blurr what I've learned and everything that I need to do this.

    It's been a lot of ups and downs for me and I thought I would be adjusted to the 20mgs by now, but at times things get ugly all over again. I hate it.

    I also had to start splitting my dose because of my fast *** metabolism. Before I started to do that my dose would poop out on me after 12 hours and I would be stuck up all night!! It was rediculous. At least now I can sleep usually if I have a good enough sleeping pil. But unfortunately I still seem to wake up pretty sick. I guess my metabolism is just super fast right now which seems to make matters worse in a way.

    And Bonita, I really appreciate your post. Thank you for the kind prayers.

    I don't know what I would do without my higher power. I'm glad to have it around.

    I just hope things level out for me soon.

    These ups and downs are making me feel bipolar lol. And these ugly cigarette cravings are driving me nutz. The withdrawals were nothing, but the cravings are a whole other story... especially when I'm going through this!!

    Thanks for all the posts and support everyone. I really appreciate it.

    Keep your eye on the prize everyone.

    Good day.
     
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2014
  10. CHEKRAYS

    CHEKRAYS Active Member

    Clean,
    Congrats on keeping up the good fight I wish you all the strength in the world. I gotta say though quiting smoking right now could be quite the challenge. Now for whats worked for me so far. I am currently taking less than 1 mg of methadone a day and will be off in about 7 days I HOPE!! when I first levelled off my dose was at 135 mg, and I was able to taper off to 50 before I started feeling w/d pains. my clinic doctor told me to start exercising, well that was like a miracle cure for me. I haven't felt any w/d since. That's what has helped me so far. And the bonus is I feel great and have lots of energy.
    PS, I also quit smoking about 6 months ago for about the 100th time. So far so good though. I used Champix.
    Just keep on coming here and read all the stories when you feel like you need a little push and keep on posting. All our stories are different but the same.
    Ray,
     
  11. Cleanwithdreams7

    Cleanwithdreams7 Well-Known Member

  12. Kaytay45

    Kaytay45 Member

    I don't even smoke, but for some reason I craved cigarettes when I got clean! I have no idea why but when I would sit with someone smoking I would try to breath in their smoke. I guess my brain is just wired to sniff out the most addictive thing I am near, lol!
    And I'd love to say I am at 20, but I am actually just down 20. Well 221/2 now, lol. So I still have a way to go! But honestly, every mg is a cause for celebration as far as I'm concerned. I am sorry for ya that you had to deal with family not understanding your recovery process. I can say if I need to pause or add more along the way to keep from going back out I would, as at least on the methadone I am able to live my life, care for my family, not do what I did while using...nobody has the right to judge us in this process! It's keeping my eye on a methadone free existence that gets me thru.
    I am so encouraged by you! Thanks for sharing your story.
     
  13. Cleanwithdreams7

    Cleanwithdreams7 Well-Known Member

    Thanks Kaytay :).
    And congrats on getting as far as you have! I agree that every mg is an accomplishment. You should pat yourself on the back for getting this far...
    It's good that you don't smoke. I would highly recommend that you stay far far away from cigarettes for your sake.

    I have actually found all drugs to only make everything worse in the end. I never found any of them to be worth it afterwards either, but that's just my opinion.

    I guess when it really comes down to it, you really have to actually want to quit like they say. Many have told me that mindset is a big one to, and I now believe that that is also very true.

    Time really does heal all.

    I hope you keep on keeping up the good fight Kaytay. I believe we all deserve that second chance at life.

    Best of luck!!!
     
  14. Cleanwithdreams7

    Cleanwithdreams7 Well-Known Member

    UPDATE:

    So I'm on 18mgs of Methadone a day now. (9mgs in the am and 9mgs in the pm).

    Today's my third day on the new dose. Day one went smooth. I looked at it as the calm before the storm.

    Day two (yesterday) could have been worse.
    I mainly felt a little weird (especially before I got to take the rest of my dose). After that I was just mainly tired. Pretty much just closed my eyes for the rest of the day, even if I wasn't sleeping... Just sort of sat there in the dark with my eyes closed basically, sort of meditaded, thought about things, took cat naps. I wasn't in the most ecstatic mood but whatever.

    Just starting day 3 now. Haven't taken my first dose yet.

    My clinic finally started to split my doses for me now to, so I don't have to do it myself anymore. Feels a lot better that way. Happy to actually know how much I'm taking; rather than having to eyeball it myself every day and never really knowing.
     
  15. Cleanwithdreams7

    Cleanwithdreams7 Well-Known Member

    So I seem to have adjusted to my dose of 18mgs a lot more. The first 5 days were the worst.

    Days aren't easy all the time right now, and I'm starting to just realise that I have to accept it as it is. It is what it is, you know? What can you do.

    I also started to notice that I am able to feel ALL of the drugs side-effects way more now that I am on 18mgs of Methadone.

    For example, I got heavy into puffing on Nicotine from an e-cigarette. Back to the old chain smoking ritual that I got myself into when I was using ("once an addict always an addict").
    Well I can say with certainty that I don't think I've ever been that pissed off before LOL.

    Every single thing annoyed me, even while I was puffing on the thing!! It was just too damn short-acting! The sound of cars passing by annoyed me!! I coudln't even play a video game because I'd get too annoyed and pissed off!
    So of course I have had a few more attemps at quitting Nicotine, but have recently gottten back into it, except this time am trying the NRT route because of its longer action of effects. This kinda reminds me of Methadone compared to SAO.

    The last time I tried to stop smoking cigarettes I didn't find it too hard except for the crippling depression. I started to think of everything I didn't have, everything I had lost, everything I shouldn't be thinking of basically. Until finally I just caved, and when I caved the depression went away... which made me realize I was going through cigarette withdrawals...
    They're so hidden that it's hard to tell that they're actually there, you know? Like they're not full blown in your face like cold-turkey Opiate withdrawals (for example). And than that in itself can start to make you think that something is wrong with you or that you're still in Opiate withdrawal from the last decrease for example. It's retarded.

    Overall, it just did more bad than good trying to give up two things at once.

    The first time I had given up puffing on my e-cigarette full-time was after that Ibogaine trip. It wasn't really hard that time because the Ibogaine had covered the Nicotine's withdrawals for about the first 7 days. After this though, they slowly started to creep back into his life, and the same symptoms occured, only milder. He didn't actually put the two and two together though until after his various attempts at quitting that he had afterwards. So that's the deal with Nicotine. It's a weird withdrawal. Longer than I expected.

    In about 5 days I will be going down to 16mgs a day of Methadone from 18. I have been prescribed some Clonidine now to which I am going to try and save for only the first 4 days or so of each wean. I haven't used any yet.

    I realize that I may have to slay one dragon at a time. But that's okay. Right now I just wants to be living on my own endorphins again. Not some synthetic extrernal one's that burn a hole in your wallet, and don't fully satisfy you in one way or another.

    It still blows my mind when I think back to how things were a month ago though, when I first made this thread. It seems like it's been sooo much longer, it's really weird. I can't even imagine what a full year of recovery would feel like!!

    One thing I don't like is how slow time goes. I'll do soemthing, think its been quite a while, than look at the clock and realise that's it's only been maybe an hour at most. I hate clocks right now. Even hide them from myself sometimes.

    Things are always changing though. Curve balls, unexpectations, etc..

    Nobody said this was going to be easy though. He gets more now why they say "the longer you were using for, the harder it's going to be to quit".

    Trying to stay positive though...
    Hey, look at that, it's time for my next Nicotine fix.

    Peace.
     
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2014
  16. babykate

    babykate Member

    Why did you switch to 3rd person narrative all of a sudden?
     
  17. Cleanwithdreams7

    Cleanwithdreams7 Well-Known Member

    I switched back to regular tobacco cigarettes yesterday. The Nicorette just doesn doesn't cut it, and the e-cigarettes are waay too available and in your face (24/7 uncontrollably). I'm okay with the switch right now though.
    "One thing at a time".

    I also started to take a complete Amino Acid supplement daily. I'm thinking I'll take it 3 times a day like the bottle says. It seems to help a bit (to an extent).

    I'm also contemplating going on Clonidine. The Doctor at the Clinic already prescribed me some, so I have some laying around but I haven't taken any yet. I've never tried Clonidine so I don't know what to expect but I've heard good things for helping with Opiate withdrawals.
     
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2014
  18. Cleanwithdreams7

    Cleanwithdreams7 Well-Known Member

    So I went down to 16mgs of Methadone yesterday. I also tried the Clonidine route yesterday for the first time as well. Needless to say, I absolutely hated it. Clonidine made me feel and act like a monster. Everything good was stripped away from me. I couldn't belive a blood pressure medication could do such a thing!!

    I guess Clonidine just doesn't agree with my body.

    Starting day 2 on 16mgs today though and hoping for the best.

    Feeling a bit better right now that I'm not on Clonidine (in some ways) at least to. Got my feelings back, which the Clonidine seemed to take away.

    Gonne keep this short and sweet today.
    Wish me luck.
     
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2014
  19. Cleanwithdreams7

    Cleanwithdreams7 Well-Known Member

    Just updating my progress:

    So I've been on 16mgs now for 14 days. This drop is taking me a lot longer to adjust for some reason. I remember when I used to take my doses, within the hour I would be all up and ready n have that 2 hour glow going before the day turned to **** LOL (HATED the higher doses). Now on this dose it takes a good 2-3 hours after I dose until I can actualy start doing stuff for some reason. I'm not sure why, but the mornings always seem like the worst.

    Also am on day 5 without a cigarette. First 3 days were a bit annoying but it's definitely doable if you want to badly enough. Basically having to teach myself how to live again. Sick of being stuck inside on the computer. Want to go outside and move around n **** but I'm not used to that yet because of all the sitting around I did for the last 5-6 years during my addiction I guess.

    Prolly gonna stay on this dose for another two weeks and let my body adjust before I drop again. Had a rough time going from 18-16mgs because it was more than 10% of a drop so I'm thinking I'll drop next time by 1mg instead. Obviously gonna take longer, but that's okay I guess. It is how it is.

    Hoping things get better. Feeling weird today so far. Could be because I'm on day 5 without any Nicotine though, I'm not really sure. Nicotine withdrawals are a weird one...

    Wish me luck. Thanks.
     
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2014
  20. Cleanwithdreams7

    Cleanwithdreams7 Well-Known Member

    UPDATE:

    Just checking in.

    Had too rough of a time on 16mgs, and found out the real meaning of no more than 10% of a drop at a time. So was put up to 17mgs after weeks on 16mgs with still no change. Not sure why my body didn't adjust to that one... Been here for a while though.

    Decided to stay on this dose until I can get more things in check that I didn't actually realize before that I would care about when I came off (debts, money, etc.)...
    In otherwords, in order to have more of a chance at staying clean I believe that you have to have a life that you would actually be happy to come back to and live.
    Guessing I didn't realize this back when I was stuck up at the higher doses because I was all numbed out and emotionless. Realise it now though, so decided to put the rest of the taper on hold for now until I can get more things in order that I just never cared about before.
     

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