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To Family or Friends of Addicts

Discussion in 'Family and Friends' started by in-mem-hjvsr, Nov 7, 2004.

  1. in-mem-hjvsr

    in-mem-hjvsr New Member

    I lost my best friend 2 yrs ago to heroin/pain killers multiple drug toxicity.
    He was my husband, my friend, the father of our son, and the best guy with the biggest heart anyone could ever wish to know.
    My life is very difficult without him.
    He was such a beautiful man both inside and out. He loved people and had so many people that loved him. But he said he always felt alone.

    Heroin was a part of his life since he was 19 and he died at 44. He got clean so many times along the way but it was always there somehow.
    It always seemed like there was a note on his back that said "ya me I get high."
    Well, I tried to be the one that made it all better, but I had no clue until now how much I was wrong.
    I think the most important advice I can give is "Love the ones in your life no matter what they do, especially when they are using. You never know if they are going to wake up or even come home.

    Screw the tough love crap that went out with Nixon. You need to let them know that you love them no matter what!

    You need to be there to offer advice and keep looking for help.
    They can't. They are sick and need experts in the field of heroin addiction to help them.
    Cold turkey, ya it can work for some but most of the time they will go back to the heroin, it is in their brain and never goes away.
    It may never leave them.

    But you can make a difference by not making them hurt anymore than they are hurting.
    They are self medicating for a reason.
    Its not fun to be a heroin addict.
    It is the worst thing you can ever imagine.
    It is hell on earth.
    I can only see this now that it is too late and I would do anything to bring him back and say "I love you whether you are high or clean, and I love you to the end, you are good and heroin will not ruin our lives!"

    Be careful what you say and treat each day as if it were your last. God Bless you all and I pray for all of the people out there going through this life with a monkey on their back. Broken hearted in NC/PA forever.
     
  2. spring

    spring Administrator

    Thank you so much for sharing your pain with us.

    I am sure you have touched hearts and opened minds.

    Many addicts and their loved ones will be helped because of your words....more than you'll probably ever know.


    God Bless You. I am so sorry for your loss.
     
  3. girlinterupted

    girlinterupted Well-Known Member

    wow,
    I am sorry for your loss.
    thank you for coming here and sharing what you did even thru your pain.
    I want my friends and family to love me enough to always care and help me.I would be devastated if they ever turned their backs on me but some people do do that.
    Take care of yourself.He is smiling down at you from a better place right now.




    "work like you don't need money, love like you've never been hurt, and, dance like no one's watching."

    Namaste'
     
  4. usersfriend

    usersfriend New Member

    My wife and I just learned (yesterday)that our very close young family friend has just started using heroin and cocain again. She lives with us and got the courage to come to us. We didn't know that about two years ago she was using, but stopped - she became pregnant and somehow was able to quit.S he had an abortion and clearly is dealing with a lot emotional pain. She is a very private 21yr.old woman. Needless to say we love her as family and need to get her help right away. I've been searching on the web to learn more and came across this and was really moved. She wanted to come off right away and has asked us to help her these next several days as she goes through detoxing .... any and all suggestions would be helpful!!!
     
  5. carol

    carol Well-Known Member

    So sorry for your loss .
    When i hear of multiple drug toxcitiy,makes me believe there was a program.

    Was he in treatment?

    i was told "toughlove" i agreee screw that.
    Loved ones don't turn their backs,they are uneducated,not knowing what to do.

    Just say no has been the biggest joke in American history along with the cure !!!
    Now it's "Parents the antidrug" !!!!!!!


    As long as there is corruption in Government,and money to be made ,we will continue to bury ourloved ones,not form street drugs...........dealers don't want to kill you.
    Profiting doctors and Investing government want you dead,TAKING IT TO THE BANK.

    America.liberty and justice for all ............all except addicts.

    This America will end your life and hide it.
    This America will violate your civilrights.
    This America will treat terrorist better then their own.

    Ilove my country .......fear this governemnt !!!!!!!

    I WANT PRES.BUSH'S ADDICTED FAMILY TO TAKE SOME NALTREXONE WITHOUT SUPERVISON.

    I WANT BUSH'S FAMILY TO BE PART OF HUMAN EXPERIMENTATION.

    MARTHA STUART IS DOING TIME,,,,,,ALL ABOUT MONEY.
    cONGRESS SAID SO.

    WHO INVESTIGATES CONGRESS ?
    THE F.D.A ?
    THE STATE OF N.J ?
    THE FEDERAL GOV ?

    NOBODY IF AN ADDICT IS DEAD,USED FOR EXPERIMENTAL PURPOSE,ALL FOR PROFIT AND GAIN TO ALL OF THE ABOVE.
    NOBODY.
     
  6. odd

    odd Well-Known Member

    What a great post. I lost my best friend in 1997 to heroin and I never turned my back on him though the entire time until the day he died. I wish he was here now with me to help me as I am getting clean and everyone has turned their backs on me, even my old H buddies who I helped get clean. I wish more people thought like you. It would make the lifes of addicts much easier. Much love to you.
     
  7. jacks

    jacks Well-Known Member

    Im sorry for you loss.
    It makes me so sad that this was a good man.
    I stood by someone for 5 yrs but he never helped me or
    did anything to help me. He just used me for whatever he could.
    To lose a good person is tragic.
    To lose anyone is tragic but you say he was a good man which makes it even more sad......to me anyway........again Im sorry.
     
  8. LadyVetMomandAddict

    LadyVetMomandAddict Well-Known Member

    Wow your story truly touched my heart.And,I tottaly agree with what you said.Us addicts need love more so than others.And we need eachother's support.Please Don't ever give up on those you love.I am so sorry to hear about your loss.I can only imagine the pain this must have caused you.I also feel very alone even in a room full of people,like you said your husband felt.My husband and I are both addicts.I am so afraid I am gonna lose him to this disease!I am constantly worried.I feel for you.Please hang in there.Take-Care.Luv,Lady
     
  9. jacks

    jacks Well-Known Member

    Like I said I loved the Titanic
    LOVELY SHIP
    I would have done anything to save her.....
    anything BUT HOLD ON AND GO DOWN WITH HER.
    And anyone that REALLY LOVES YOU wouldnt expect or want
    you to go down with them.
    END OF STORY.
     
  10. Tough love doesn't mean turning your back on the ones you love, it means loving them with boundaries. You, unfortunately, cannot love a sick person well. They have to do the work. And you have to preserve yourself and your family in the mean time. Sometimes I think that people's bodies, minds, and spirits get to the point where they can't do the work anymore, they are too tired, and then~that's it. I'm very sorry for your loss and I hope that you are going to a supportive place to help you with your grief. I know what it is like to be married to an addict. So many "what ifs".
     
  11. d-tox

    d-tox Member

    Loving someone "with boundaries" doesn't sound like love at all!!! Unconditional love is the one thing that will help an addict. Without it, their struggle is infinitely more difficult.

    Loved the original post. It made me cry.
     
  12. teddyb

    teddyb Well-Known Member

    I never stopped loving my addicted daughter, but there is no doubt that keeping her in our lives during active addiction would take us all down with her. You can love the person, but hate the addiction. All the unconditional love in the world couldn't save her, believe me, we tried. An active addict is not able to receive or give love. They are a bottomless pit of drugged need. There is a difference between trying to save someone who is drowning and being pulled under by them and standing on the shore, throwing life lines and asking a lifeguard to assist. There is no doubt in my mind that the day I detached and began to deal with my own life and illness was the day my daughter began to step towards her recovery. The best love, the only love I could give her was the example of self-love. When I began my own recovery from her addiction, she became more serious about hers. We could debate all day whether I had withdrawn my 'unconditional' love, but what I know from my experience is even though I would have walked
    thru fire for her recovery, I would have given my life to see her sober, that isn't the way addiction and recovery works. Till she cared about her recovery 1,000X more than I cared about it, nothing happened. As long as I was there caring FOR her, she didn't have to do anything. Now she is in recovery about 4 months. She tells me she never had any doubts about my love for her, even when I exited from her life. Boundaries are needed in all relationships. Boundaries are flexible, yet necessary lines that are in place to insure both people can exist without destroying each other. Boundaries are evidence that love exists, but that we need protection from the destructive forces of addiction. Wishing you all can find peace and healing in your journey through this disease.
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2011

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