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Top 10 Ways to Determine If You're a Dope Fiend

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side of Recovery' started by JaH, Aug 25, 2004.

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  1. JaH

    JaH Well-Known Member

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica]Okay, folks, we need to lighten up all these tales of misery with a little fun here. So let's see if we can put together a list of the "Top 10 Ways to Determine If You're a Dope Fiend."

    Some suggestions:

    10) When your partner nudges you at night offering "super sex," you open your eyes and smile: "I'll take the soup, please."

    9) When your dentist says you need a root canal, you're thrilled.

    8) You can talk with more authority about the symptoms of certain common painful medical conditions than most physicians.

    7) None of your family or friends seem to have anything in their bathroom medicine cabinets anymore.

    6) Your prescription expenses exceed the annual GDP of most third world countries.

    5) You've given your ATM a pet nickname.

    4) Your friends notice that you have this uncanny ability to recover from "a touch of the flu" in a matter of hours.

    3) You try to plan sexual encounters for early in the day, rather than late at night like most people.

    2) You find yourself often sitting by the phone, waiting impatiently for that "special" phone call -- and it's not from your date.

    1) You actually fantasize about contracting cancer because then they'll have to give you all the drugs you want.

    Any other suggestions?
  2. mirage75

    mirage75 Well-Known Member

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica]yes actually:

    * Compulsively checking your email. Checking your email several times a minute during the 5-7 p.m. time slot , when Fed-ex or U.P.S. typically scans in outgoing shipments.

    Otherwise that list is perfect IMHO. LOL Jah.....

  3. snowie

    snowie Active Member

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica]one window in your house is ALWAYS the cleanest,ya know the one you hang out at like a dog in heat,steam on it from your breathing, panting,cleaning it to (look), busy,cause you get worn out running to that same window every time you hear that roar,knowing in your (right) mind he won't be there till 10,and worrying this will be the day the doorbell don't work, every month you think that,any other time you could care less,so to be safe, just hang out there and clean it,month after month after month.[​IMG][/FONT]
  4. Platina

    Platina Well-Known Member

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica]1) When your friend says that one lortab 'knocked them out', you are astounded. And jealous.

    2) You know the colors, imprint codes and shapes of most opiates and benzodiazepines. You also know generic and name brands and which ones are 'superior' to others.

    3) You start hoarding all your rx bottles in case someone might 'figure out' that there is a slight problem. You have enough empty pill bottles to start your own pharmacy.

    4) You are absolutely sure someone has gotten into your stash because you just had a full bottle and now it's only half full.. how on earth did that happen?

    5) You know exactly how many days early you can refill your prescription down to the last minute.
  5. spring

    spring Administrator

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica]#1) When you hear about someone ODing because the dope was so good. Your first question is "Who's got it?" you immediately call that dealer to order some.

    My gosh we are sick people...


    ~~ I can't....We can! ~~
  6. Jeffie

    Jeffie Member

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica]GREAT THREAD!! I've been without internet access for awhile but used to be Jeffie0106--good to be back--thanks for reminding me what I HAVEN'T BEEN MISSING!!

    I'm on the pill popping, UPS awaiting train myself. I once missed a SATURDAY delivery by five minutes, and promptly rushed the fifteen or twenty miles to the UPS hub, resolved to remain there until every last truck had come in and I had waved them down to ask for my package--WITH my infant daughter in the car, sadly.. Thankfully, the folks at the guard booth were able to get someone inside hub to contact driver who agreed to meet me back at the original stop. Even more thankfully, I came to my senses soon thereafter and sought suboxone help!
  7. girlinterupted

    girlinterupted Well-Known Member

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] OMG,
    I will come up with something.
    just give me time.....

    1) you have a notebook with all the pharmacies and what alias you used along with dates that you filled your scripts

    2) each pharmacist at each location call you by that name.

    3) you constantly check under the bed or the bottom of your purse for that "one pill" that fell out becuase you know you saw one fall somehwere.

    4)Your hospital chart says DSB (drug seeking behavior) NOT FUNNY

    5)whenever you overhear someone talking about a dentist appt you instantly think "new connection"

    6)then you actually go make an appt for that tooth that might be hurting.

    7) you destroy your house looking for those pills you saved for when you actually ran out.yet they are never there.

    ok,i am worn out now.

  8. jsb33

    jsb33 Well-Known Member

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica]You can recite the # of every pharmacy within a 5 mile radius of your home or work.

    You know what time your pharmacy has a staff changeover, and who usually works which day.

    You compulsively count the pills barely covering the bottom of that big old bottle you got in the mail, no way that can be 90 tablets.

    You stay up till 12:05am so you can place your online refill.

    You're on a first name basis with all the pharmacy staff, and you never have to say the name of what medication refill you're checking on.
    Nor say that you're paying cash (again) - it's understood.

    [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica]You don't allow anyone in your house to empty any trashcans till you've had a chance to double check them. If you don't have time, you actually hide the trash till you do.[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica]
    This IS fun, good thread!!
  9. diavolo7

    diavolo7 Well-Known Member

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica]When a cancer patient you know has died at home you offer to help 'clean up' the place.[/FONT]
  10. parallax

    parallax Well-Known Member

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica]all the above posts seem pill oriented, so i'll go the street drugs route...

    1. (and this may be only for portland where the heroin dealers are all latino)
    when you see the smiling face of an old guy from hondurus or el salvador, your heart warms with love and affection.

    2. you go shopping for those light, summery long sleeve shirts that won't seem strange when you wear them in 90 degree weather.

    3. the people at the needle exchange start offering you treatment options and handing you brochures.

    4. you have a certain route you walk to the scoring place (under the bridge), through certain alleys that you've worn down with that familiar morning walk to your fix, and you become superstitious that if you walk a different route there won't be any dealers there today.

    5. there are no spoons left in your kitchen because you've used them all for cooking dope at some point, and then in a frenzy of trying to get clean, threw them away, only to pull out a new spoon from the drawer the next day.

    6. when you move to california to escape your chicago habit, your chicago dealer calls you a week later -- "just to see what you're up to" i.e. where's the business?

    7. you overcome your innate social anxiety and fear of talking to people, to walk up to homeless people in new york city and ask them where you can score.

    8. the latino dealers under the burnside bridge all know you and smile as you walk up. if there is more than one, they fight over your business. one of them offers "half gram for sexo!" (nope, sorry)

    9. your boyfriend suggests that he "sell" you to his dealer so he can get $300 worth of dope, and offers his own bedroom for the act. (sorry again)

    10. while camping in utah in the middle of nowhere, near a hot springs, trying to go through cold turkey so far away from civilization that there's no way the two of you can find dope, some local teenagers at the springs mention that their friend "james" does dope, and you and bf spend 5 hours driving around the utah countryside searching for this elusive james, to no avail, then speed back to salt lake city at 100 mph to score in the park. so much for the "geographical" cure.

    11. when you OD and turn blue on some super strong ****, you are angry when your friend injects you with nalexone -- she ruined my high!


    h o w t o s t o p t i m e. division-day.diaryland.com
  11. Bystander

    Bystander Member

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Well, if you read these and think this is humerous commentary, I suppose you could safely consider yourself an addict of dope. They make me shudder, because my son is in trouble with drugs. Must be an inside joke, I should mind my own business, but is this really funny?[/FONT]
  12. Platina

    Platina Well-Known Member

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] I can keep going! Sigh.

    You don't mind so much that you slipped on the ice and broke your arm. Surgery to correct the break? Even better!

    Your bathroom habits suddenly come to a screeching halt when stash is good.

    When stash is not so good, bathroom habits come roaring back with a vengeance.

    Any sign of sneezing or body chills means you must obviously be in detox. You take more pills to 'ward off' any sneezing or any random chill that may occur.

    You start scheduling your life around the UPS/Fed Ex man. If he is supposed to come on a Friday, this is a desperate situation in which you are willing to stay home from work and wait all day for him.

    While waiting, all delivery trucks or roaring sounds get your attention. You are also willing to get in your car and actually chase down delivery trucks to 'see if they are on your route'.

    You actually call UPS and offer to meet your delivery man anywhere within a 1000 mile radius that is convenient for him.

    You can say names like 'dextromethorphan hybromide' and know exactly what you are talking about.

    You make new friends at the 7-11 all the time. When buying brillo pads there, somehow strangers always invite you to 'hang out'.

    When the UPS man does arrive, it is a national celebration in your home.

    You know which pharmacists at each pharmacy are mean and which are nice. You know the hours of every pharmacy in your state and especially which ones are open 24 hours.

    Your pharmacist smiles at you a lot. With a knowing look.

    Your delivery (UPS/Fed Ex) man smiles at you a lot. With a knowing look.

    Suddenly you order packages from Thailand quite often.

    While out at a restaurant or social event, anyone 'sniffling' too much suddenly becomes suspicious. And interesting.

    You are adept at certain maneuvers you never knew you would be good at. You can roll a dollar bill to a tight cylindrical shape with exact certainty.
  13. patty123

    patty123 Well-Known Member

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica]i am sure everyone here feels for your situation...but please understand this is just a little joke for the ones that have been there...not at all making fun of anyone, or trying to make anyone feel badly. it is a pretty funny thread IF you could relate to it...it is SAD, yes...but if you understood it would not upset you at all...we have been taking too much out on ourselves, feeling so bad about what we have done, are doing, etc etc....it is a refreshing FUNNY as heck thread.

    this is in no way a thread to upset people!

    good luck with your son...there are a lot of people on this board that are very knowledgeable and can help you with the seriousness of your situation. do not judge just on this thread alone.

    good luck to you.
  14. mirage75

    mirage75 Well-Known Member

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica]Dear Bystander-

    First of all let me echo the above comment ; I too feel for your position. The subject of opiate addiction (and drug adddiction in general) is often a bleak , depressing one to deal with. Most of us here are either struggling to get clean , or trying like hell to stay that way. One of our members here thought it might be nice to break the solemn mood that sometimes sets in while in the midst of the sadness and frustration that the disease brings.
    I think this was just an attempt to find some humor in a situation that often defies happiness. I , for one , was glad for the break.
    This IS a caring community , and if you look around the board you will see a lot of positive dialogue taking place.
    The thread above may very well be part of the healing process...
    While the above could be viewed as a bunch of insensitive fun poking , I prefer to look at it as a humerous list of reasons NOT to go back....

  15. JaH

    JaH Well-Known Member

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Great stuff, Platina! Funny -- and of course, sad.

    [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica]Dear Bystander,

    I think you should hang around and read topics like this to help understand what your son is dealing with. Seriously.

    I started this topic partly to bring a bit of humor to the horribly depressing, dispiriting and soul-killing disease we are struggling with. But it's only "funny" in the sense that getting run over by an ice-cream truck driven by some clown in a Bozo outfit is funny -- it makes for a good story later.

    More than that, though, when we admit to the depraved and shameful depths that we, as once normal and decent people, stooped, I think it gives us new resolve to try never ever to go back to active addiction again.
  16. ashley80

    ashley80 Well-Known Member

    Re: Bystander's comment: I would truly think that you would be better served by visiting a Nar Anon forum, like the one at Sober Recovery.

    There have been plenty of friends/family of addicts who have posted here at the Detox Forum with questions about helping their loved ones detox or stay clean. I think that most, if not all, of them have received good input and support, and had many of their questions answered by the folks here.

    Based on your post in this thread, and some other negative posts you have made, it does not seem like this forum is meeting your needs. That is why I'm suggesting that you visit a forum specifically for family/friends of addicts. There you would receive the experience, strength and hope of others who have been in your particular situation.

    I truly hope that you find some peace and that your son is successful in his struggle with addiction.

    1. You know the policies and staff at every ER within a 75 mile radius of your home.

    2. Your lower back (or ankle, shoulder, wrist, etc.) has received more gamma rays than an atomic test site.

    3. You have at least three "primary care physicians."

    4. You run out of drugstores in your own town and have to drive to another town to get your Rx's filled.
  17. Jonesinhard

    Jonesinhard Well-Known Member

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica]well stated JaH[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica]

    1. you get a fresh stash of pills....hide a few in places you "think" you'll never think to look.....then you run out and STILL can't find any hidden pills
  18. musicman

    musicman Well-Known Member

    1)When you hide pills after you get your new Rx ,in the hopes that you will forget until after you run out...seems like Christmas.

    2)when your atm transaction record ...is easily divisible by your daily pill intake....

    3)When you classify a paper cut as "Chronic Pain" ...

    4)When loss of health ,job ,family,and friends is viewed as a "temporary setback"....

    5)When getting out of bed to go to the local utilities company to get your water and power turned back on is "more trouble than its worth".....

    6)When you choose a car by how easy the seats unbolt from the floor board...."I know I dropped one in the car"...

    7)when you have borrowed from everyone you've met to get the money for air fair or a bus ticket to go see your sick mother...that lives in the same house as you...

    8)when you tell your pharmacy...generics are fine...as long as they are water soluable...

    9)When the name of your pain management Dr.'s name differs on which city you are currently in

    10)When eyeing your Dr.'s Rx pad and immediatly become concerned about where he gets his printing done....

    11)How many 0's can be added before the pharmacist will call my Dr.......

    12)I really like the taste of Ramen noodles.....THANKS I HAD FUN WITH THIS......MUSIC
  19. Jessie

    Jessie Well-Known Member

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] OMG!!!!! LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I am FAMOUS for the hide the pills for when ya run out...and "I KNOW I DROPPED ONE SOMEWHERE!!!!!! .....TOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!
  20. girlinterupted

    girlinterupted Well-Known Member

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica]omg,
    i can relate to all of these.
    we are sick but getting better!
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