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You stayed clean today! GREAT! Tell us how!

Discussion in 'Freedom from Hell ~ Staying Clean~' started by selfwilly, Sep 12, 2004.

  1. selfwilly

    selfwilly Well-Known Member

    Finding this message board has been good for me-I'm one of those people that got sick of being sick, and after many false starts finally got clean, fell into the AA thing, participated and went to meetings for years, then slowly faded completely away from my recovery support system. Honestly, i haven't been to a meeting in over 3 years.I haven't felt the obsession to use, but i haven't felt quite right either. kinda blue, a little anxiety, isolation. One thing i found out again here, was that just to make a connection with like minded individuals all in varying stages of this sickness, can make all the difference in the world. by helping i am helped, by being helped i help.
    i didn't use today- i was too busy visiting friends(its been a while!!) and thinking about what others have posted and making hopefully positive suggestions-hell this little document has taken about an hour. i think my typing is about up to 9 words a minute. if i use i might drop back to 5 words and that wouldn't be progress. if i worked as an newspaper editor the world would probably be a happier place!ANYWAY so i actually spent a coupla hours today just thinking about recovery.its a couple hours more than the whole preceding month before i found this board. And its helped keep me clean!

    AT ANY RATE- please tell us how you stayed clean, after all this time i still need to hear the reasons no matter how bizaar, if ya had to have someone chain you to a post!! it might be tomorrows plan!!-or i'll forget! i'm burnt! i'm NOT out of the woods.....thanks anyone who made it through this mad rambling-stay clean-charlie
     
  2. jacks

    jacks Well-Known Member

    Charlie ever see the movie Trainspotting>>?
    OK I copied this it starts out like this>>>
    Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a ****ing big television. Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers...choose DIY and wondering who the **** you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind- numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing ****ing junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, ****ed up brats you spawned to replace yourself. Choose a future. Choose life...But why would I want to do a thing like that? " Not when I have Heroin"
    CHARLIE>>IN THE END ALL THESE REASONS are WHY HE STAYED CLEAN.
    Just some thoughts!
    HUGS
    Jacks
     
  3. jacks

    jacks Well-Known Member

    Monette that was a great reply.
     
  4. selfwilly

    selfwilly Well-Known Member

    yeah jacks! they are good thoughts.. i had to run out and see it when it first opened. very powerful stuff. remember iggy pops's "lust for life"? off the sound track? "here comes johnney yen again....with the liquor and drugs and the flesh machine... i know he's gonna do another striptease...hey man where'd you get that lotion..skin starts itchin once you buy the gimmick....about a thing called love...."
    damn now thats stuck in my head...!
    hi moanette-i'm always tryin to think of positive stuff for the freedom board..i thought negative for so long it's still a chore to turn it around...be well charlie
     
  5. jacks

    jacks Well-Known Member

    Yes Charlie I just recently saw it, and those thing stuck in MY head too!
    What I like about the movie is they showed it like it is "like when he went to the worst bathroom in Scotland hahaha and when that other guy chit himself when he was staying at the girls house for the night!
    Humor mixed with darkness...OH yeah/ that sounds farmiliar dont it Charlie??
    I heard the BOOK is REAL powerful as the movie deleted several scenes due to running time. I have the DVD with all the cut out parts and commentaries and it was very interesting.
    Im glad the kid got into LIFE in the end but did he *really*>? I mean it ended with his SAYING he was gonna..ya know what I mean?
    Also Im so glad he gave the other kid half the money. That ws great.
    But Charlie hahah it is sometimes (this sounds ASSIGNINE) but its HARD for me to UNDERSTAND ENGLISH hahah when people from England talk. Now when it comes to Ozzy Osbourne>? WOW I cant understand a damn word hes literally muttering. Talk about walking Dain Bramage! What the hell drugs did HE do?????? Now as for "my" Jerry Garcia... poor thing.. his body couldnt handle the detox ...so sad...
    Back to Ozzy .. him saying hes on medication the rest of his life.. yeah I sure bet he is on *medication" .
    Jacks
     
  6. jacks

    jacks Well-Known Member

    OH IM sure you saw BasketBall Diaries?>>>
     
  7. ashley80

    ashley80 Well-Known Member

    Good topic, Charlie! No wisdom from me today, though. :(

    Ash
     
  8. selfwilly

    selfwilly Well-Known Member

    jacks-are you trying to make me feel bad about my black sabbath collection?!?!hehheh i know! he sounds pretty wet brain-well i guess when ya got that type of money....i remember critics of train spotting thinking that it was glorifying heroin-i just never saw it-in fact when i first saw it(i was clean by then) i remember being startled at how bad the ugliness(ME by exstention!) really was-HOWEVER......i stayed clean today-cause i when i got up this morning,i looked out the window and saw life going on and decided to join it! I got a call this morning from a potential employer and have a interview tommorrow! so there IS opportunity after a little effort!-my sick deviant mind was telling me ",youre to old...and guess what! nobody wants to hire a exjunky...ect..ect-"more lies from the peanut gallery in my head! ---ASHLEY-you always have wisdom to offer! it's just harder some days to dig it out! I Still don't know what i wanna be when i grow up...so for now i'll try to work at what i know....i've been a bit interested in those radiology certificate programs they have around here...big demand for that..i'm a gadget type guy so hopefully i can talk myself into looking a little closer-the 2 year course is 10,000 though, kinda tough for me to get by that one! wow, caught myself setting up a roadblock already!....i hope all is well with everybody-charlie
     
  9. ashley80

    ashley80 Well-Known Member

    Charlie,
    Those radiology deals are a good thing, at least here in my town, where healthcare is a big industry.

    Most states have funding available (through the state office of voc rehab - if you are an ex-addict or have other disabilities), and sometimes you can get a hospital or med facility to fund your program if you agree to work for them for X years after you complete it. You can specialize in ultrasound, or other specific areas as well. There is a pretty good demand for X-ray or nuclear medicine techs.

    Community college-based programs are generally more affordable if there is one near you.

    Good luck at the interview tomorrow!! Break a leg!
    A
     
  10. jacks

    jacks Well-Known Member

    Charlie GOOD LUCK with the job!
    IF ya get a chance please read my post the one I titled to you and Ashley.
    Oh man I feel like giving up with this stomach!
    Well Im glad your well... stay well... and good luck!
    Jacks
     
  11. selfwilly

    selfwilly Well-Known Member

    the interview went great, so far as i can tell! i'm just hoping that they won't cut me from eligibility because of their back ground check. i have drug related felonies. i was staight up with the interview team(felt like the inquisition with 2 seated at one end of the table and me on the other) about the past and my rehab, they didn't seem concerned because my criminal record is over 12 years old, and they seemed to like me and i had good experience they could use....so i'll just have to wait, they said they'll contact either way, so at least i won't be left hanging..

    jacks- you're gonna get better! don't take offense to this..but long time ago me and my old junkie buds had a saying when we were sick.....we gotta hang tough when we're dumb...i know, that probably didn't help!,but that stomach will clear up! sounds like you really stuck up for yourself in your post "i snapped". just stay with it, sometimes they don't go away easy-you got what it takes to say, no more!!
    ashley thanks for the information, IF i get that job i interviewed for today,my hours would be 3x12hr days actual=40hrs paid-that would leave me plenty of time to explore alternative training or school-hope you're feeling better today-ya "sounded" a little bummed yesterday!
    charlie
     
  12. selfwilly

    selfwilly Well-Known Member

    so forgetful in my old age-i stayed clean today cause i was so busy i forgot that it was a option!!!
    i wish everybody well-charlie
     
  13. jacks

    jacks Well-Known Member

    Charlie I LOVE that last post. 12 years huh>? HEY you will get the job.
    THAT is great that you are so honest and all thats what I really really like about you!
    Im sure its just one of many good qualities you have!
    As for the saying "we gotta hang tough when were dumb" ALL TRUTH! Thank you for sharing it with me. See I am so used to BS and mind games cause of Jim that I honestly RESPECT when the cards are laid out right on the table and things are said like are supposed to be. What I mean is when someone says "I dunno how to say this" I say "just say it like it is!"!
    Oh did ya read the post where Jim got mad as hell at me for saying I must be on the net talking to people who dont give a damn about me? well FOCK HIM!
    I didnt believe that for one minute! Jealous ! Over people talking to me on a computer. TOO BAD! Im alone here until I found you people. AHH ya know what...he can go piss up a rope. Im mad as a hornet. I got a bee in my bonnett...AND (no pun intended to me but I told ya I didnt lose my sense of humor) I got a BUG up my ARSE when it comes to him.
    Im just hurt thats all but like I told him Jim Im not crying over you anymore Im damn mad. Now I dont know if he tried to call tonight cause guess what?? I was on the phone with friends I wasnt "allowed" to talk to for yrs! I was on that phone over 2 hrs so IF he tried to call..oh well...too bad.
    Hugs
    Jacks
     
  14. selfwilly

    selfwilly Well-Known Member

    isn't it weird the stuff that starts to work!!??vision of isomniac sitting on a big pile of turkey bones in the middle of the night .. doesn't sound too pretty, ya better use turkey in moderation! hahahah

    other stuff that started to work.......
    1) warm milk
    2) advil!? for pain!-i still can't get over that one!
    3) classical music- only mozart, beethoven, berlioz, and saint saens..go figure!?

    lots o luck
    charlie
     
  15. jacks

    jacks Well-Known Member

    Charlie hahahah !
    I went and had oral surgery years ago and I was like WTF is THIS????
    It was Motrin! I was like here I am my gums were cut my wisdom teeth anked out (see thats why Im a dumbass I aint go no wisdom) LOL and I went thru this surgery in my mouth (ouch)!! and hahah Motrin>??????
    I was like ahh Im not a baby but when the novacaine wears off this aint gonna do nothing! AND I was right. See I have no problem whatsoever with pain killers I have a bottle right here... they are from yrs ago and are collecting dust. I took 2 pills the first day when the novacaine wore off..then 1 the next day... then that was it. I mentioned this topic in the post "am I weird". ANYWAY>>> warm milk...advil..hmm....I must try that on my kitten when she cant sleep hahahahahah!
    Charlie your great!
    Hugs
    Jacks
     
  16. selfwilly

    selfwilly Well-Known Member

    hi jacks-your kitten? ha, what the advil first then warm milk?haha ! you "sound" pretty good, your stomach better? i've had a really strange day-i went jogging for the first time in three months and overdid it yesterday-sooo....today i paid the price...guess what... i took advil and it worked!! hahaha

    and no! you definitly havn't lost your sense of humor! i think you really keep some spirits up in this forum-i'm gonna be nosy, are you hyper active? or is it your "lust for life"? both are positives but you don't have to answer if you don't want!!!
     
  17. jacks

    jacks Well-Known Member

    Hey...
    yeah my ah hem "kitten" LOL! Imagine if I used the other word!
    Nope feel like **** and if ya read my new post you will see why.
    But thanks for the well wishes!
    OMG ADVIL WORKED! HOLY CHIT! Good for YOU ! hahahah WOW!
    But yes I havent lost my sense of humor or ahh hmmm ahh mmmm
    ah HEM! My "female hormone thing" yet!
    Your not nosey Im not hyper active BUT I am a NERVOUS BUNDLE (no pun intended) of Nerves. You make me feel so GOOD when ya tell me I help keep spirits UP! AHH that is so sweet! IT IS MY LUST FOR LIFE I am a survivor and can do any thing I set my mind to and I know it!
    WHen ya walk in the storm keep you Head UP and DONT be afraid of the DARK There aint nothing there in that darkness but Fear and ya know what Fear is?? False >>Evidence>> Appearing >>>Real.
    HUGS
    Jacks
     
  18. selfwilly

    selfwilly Well-Known Member

    hey jacks ...congrats on day 26! as usual i'll say hang in there! good call going to see your doc on the stomach-your previous complaints DID sound worse than anything i experienced through detox and the first few months. my blood pressure was wacky, too ,up and down like a rollercoaster the rehab doc stuck me on a beta blocker(i think) cause it would go way high when it went up. the conviction you have at the end of your post is more than i usually have, i've no doubt YOU'LL SEE IT THROUGH TO DAY 27....

    staying clean==the exercise connection!==ex dope fiends like myself can often improve the quality of their lives with a rigorous exercise program. it boosts energy, and elevates your mood. plus there is a free bonus! when you stimulate those woefully diminished endorphins you will feel a natural high!
    be well everybody
    charlie
     
  19. jacks

    jacks Well-Known Member

    Hey Charlie
    Well for someone who is literally livng a world of **** Im trying to hang in there. The post I have in general forum is for you too. I really appreciate your holding my hand like this.
    Im soo drained and tired. My body is tired. But like everything else in life "this too shall pass" its what I hold onto saying to myself oK jack its been a month you been going thru this but it WILL get better.
    Hey Charlie! Maybe what I need is sex hahahah.
    Hugs
    Jacks
     
  20. jacks

    jacks Well-Known Member

    PS Charlie
    I wish I could go running or get out of the house but Im chained here
    to the bathroom. It SUX!
    When things get better I will get my ass out of the house tho..........
     

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